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Old 09-21-2017, 11:20 AM
 
752 posts, read 369,602 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stoneclaw View Post
This was inspired by the "25 years since my dad died" thread.

I have always struggled with fear of the inevitable. As I commented in the other thread, I dread the day of the death of someone very close to me (ie. one of my parents or sibling). I lost a grandmother who was very close to us all 15 years ago and that was hard, but fear of losing some of the people who have had the biggest impact on my life such as my parents is something I've feared since I was a child.

I realize that its apart of life and I am lucky to still have both of my parents living at my age. I have good friends my age that have lost a parent or both and that's pretty scary, knowing that I am around the age where my parents are in that "check out" generation.

So I thought to start this thread and provide this link to anyone who might struggle with something similar. I know many of the posters on here might have kids, so they probably live with that fear every minute of the day they're away from the house.

If you struggle with this, definitely read the link below. It's helpful.

Fear of Losing Someone You Love | Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog
Four years ago, I was facing a major life decision. Part of the decision making involved looking forward 20 years or so. It was at that point that I realized the four closest people to me, who were all 70+ and chronically ill , would likely all be gone within 10 years. A couple within 5. Plus my dogs would be gone.

It almost paralyzed me. I realized I had never lost anyone REALLY close and it scared the hell out of me. I've always lived alone, but within a phone call of someone close. The idea of not being able to pick up the phone was terrifying. I haven't felt that scared since I was six years old and got on the school bus for the first day of school.

The losses have begun. Started with my mom, who was diagnosed with advanced cancer and died within a couple weeks. The anxiety is now more disbelief and numbness, and of course sadness. It's gonna be a rough five years ahead.....
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Old 09-21-2017, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Virginia
3,462 posts, read 1,641,512 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cabound1 View Post
Four years ago, I was facing a major life decision. Part of the decision making involved looking forward 20 years or so. It was at that point that I realized the four closest people to me, who were all 70+ and chronically ill , would likely all be gone within 10 years. A couple within 5. Plus my dogs would be gone.

It almost paralyzed me. I realized I had never lost anyone REALLY close and it scared the hell out of me. I've always lived alone, but within a phone call of someone close. The idea of not being able to pick up the phone was terrifying. I haven't felt that scared since I was six years old and got on the school bus for the first day of school.

The losses have begun. Started with my mom, who was diagnosed with advanced cancer and died within a couple weeks. The anxiety is now more disbelief and numbness, and of course sadness. It's gonna be a rough five years ahead.....
Cabound, sometimes the sadness can really get to you. The thing is not to anticipate it, or fear it in advance, especially if there is nothing you can do about the situation, but just enjoy as much time as you can with the people in your life. My worst time was when I was 32. In five months I lost my Dad at age 62 from Lou Gehrig's disease, which was expected, but I also unexpectedly lost my last surviving Grandmother and a man that I loved dearly who committed suicide. I wish I could have had more time with all of them.
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Old 09-22-2017, 12:17 PM
 
85 posts, read 37,076 times
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I also fear losing my sister who is my only sibling. She has been like a mother to me since my mom died from cancer at age 71. I took care of my dad who died from dementia at age 88 a year ago. We did not have a good relationship but I did my best to care for him. My precious doggie who was my lifeline, passed away suddenly 7 months ago which sent me into a tail spin. I am dealing with delayed grief I think, but I am trying to work it out in therapy.

I am sorry for everyone's losses.
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Old 09-22-2017, 01:47 PM
Status: "Soon I'll hear old winter's song.." (set 14 days ago)
 
Location: Saint Paul, MN
5,391 posts, read 2,845,108 times
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One of my best friends was suicidal last month but is getting help. The whole thing has been eating me lately, though :/
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Old 09-22-2017, 01:52 PM
Status: "Soon I'll hear old winter's song.." (set 14 days ago)
 
Location: Saint Paul, MN
5,391 posts, read 2,845,108 times
Reputation: 7086
Quote:
Originally Posted by stoneclaw View Post
Well, thought I'd revisit this nearly 3 year old thread.

My Dad passed away just under 2 weeks ago. He was sick for 2 years and had been paralyzed for 2 years from the neck down. We had a very good conversation and laugh just 3 days before his passing. He seemed energetic and in good spirits.

Now I'm trying to find ways to cope with the fact that the man I've known since I first opened my eyes is gone. It almost feels unreal, like a bad dream. The pain in my chest is so crippling, it's hard for me to get motivated to do anything.
Sorry you are going through that. It's a pain most of us will experience yet you can never prepare for it. Wish you and your family all the best.
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Old 09-22-2017, 06:07 PM
 
Location: Idaho
2,476 posts, read 2,013,442 times
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I lost all I loved years ago, now the only worry are my dogs.
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Old 09-22-2017, 06:28 PM
ERH
 
Location: Cary, NC
1,030 posts, read 1,489,810 times
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stoneclaw, I'm very sorry you lost your dad. My mom died Jan 2016; she had been in steady (but not dramatic) decline for a while, but once the holidays were over, she went downhill fast.

I know it's hard to see right now, but you will make it through this to your new normal. Everyone's time of intense grief differs, so no one should put you on a timer, but one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt quite as much as it did. This will give you a tiny scrap of hope with which you can continue moving forward. You're too raw right now to expect much from yourself; give yourself the gift of grace.

Edited to add: The thread title was very apropos. For many decades, I experienced intense anxiety over the thought of losing my mom; I truly thought I would not survive it. But I did -- because she made me strong enough. (and now I'm crying!)
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Old 09-22-2017, 07:49 PM
 
Location: Texas or Cascais, Portugal
3,043 posts, read 2,883,961 times
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My mother died after a long and agonizing illness when I was 8 years old. My best friend of 10 years died suddenly when I was 16. I lost scores of friends to AIDS in the 80s. For me, death is expected. My dad is still alive at 93 but is ready to die, same with an aunt. When someone dies young it is tragic. But for me, it's harder to watch someone whose best years are behind them, just waiting for the end to come. Life is exceedingly short. Anyone who is overly consumed with anxiety about death should seek professional help. Death is something that happens with great regularity. Best to find peace with that reality.
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Old 09-22-2017, 09:04 PM
 
4,833 posts, read 2,142,556 times
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It's extremely humbling to read of the strength it takes to inhale the grief...And try to once again exhale the finality of the life...
To those fresh on this journey...Tender be the words..

I cannot be cavalier about life lost. I am reminded of the quote...' to someone...They were your world. '
My 'little corner of the world' collapsed four yrs ago.

There is no doubt in my mind or heart...That losing my kids or grand kids ...Would do me in..I barely could survive the loss of my mom...And just as I was connected to her.....So to am I to my children. So yes...It's on my mind...And each time I get to 'experience' memories with them...I cherish them all the more.
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