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Old 11-19-2014, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Austin/Houston
2,819 posts, read 4,236,338 times
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This was inspired by the "25 years since my dad died" thread.

I have always struggled with fear of the inevitable. As I commented in the other thread, I dread the day of the death of someone very close to me (ie. one of my parents or sibling). I lost a grandmother who was very close to us all 15 years ago and that was hard, but fear of losing some of the people who have had the biggest impact on my life such as my parents is something I've feared since I was a child.

I realize that its apart of life and I am lucky to still have both of my parents living at my age. I have good friends my age that have lost a parent or both and that's pretty scary, knowing that I am around the age where my parents are in that "check out" generation.

So I thought to start this thread and provide this link to anyone who might struggle with something similar. I know many of the posters on here might have kids, so they probably live with that fear every minute of the day they're away from the house.

If you struggle with this, definitely read the link below. It's helpful.

Fear of Losing Someone You Love | Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog
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Old 11-20-2014, 07:46 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,176,988 times
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Thanks for starting this thread and posting the link..These days, I have to live with the reality that anything can happen at any time. And learn to be "okay" with it...I lost my husband and kids and parents and my entire family. (Within a short period of time.) I lost my beloved cats too. (Except for my son's last remaining cat.)...I believe that I'll be reunited with my loved ones when it's my time to "leave." My faith helps me cope with all of my losses and keep on "going."
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Old 11-20-2014, 08:49 AM
 
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I am 81 and married 59 years,death is inevitable,kind of hardened my attitude having lost mother at 2 and father at 5.
We lost our son to brain tumor at age 30 in prime of life when he had a good life in front of him,our 2 other sibling's also not so fortunate.
This past summer we lost 3 brother inlaws and my brother and wifes brother,so death nothing new to me.
Life goes on.
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Old 11-20-2014, 10:30 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,439 posts, read 18,155,050 times
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OP, I don't think most people live in fear of anyone dying. I think most people just go about life living it. Only when the first death of someone's parent, spouse, child happens do most people even think about death happening. I'm sorry you have such a phobia.
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Old 11-20-2014, 10:32 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,830,509 times
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I don't waste time or energy worrying with something that I cannot control nor stop.
Death happens, life goes on and you continue living yours or you choose to stay in a rut.
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Old 11-20-2014, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Austin/Houston
2,819 posts, read 4,236,338 times
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I realize its a waste of time.

Maybe my o/p came off as if its something i think about 24/7. I've gotten better with it as I've gotten older and more mature on how to handle my fears. If it's not something that you have a fear of, then great, this is not for you. But there are some that do share a similar fear like I've had and this thread was to help those that do.

But i thank each and every one of you for your viewpoints and I hope to hear more.
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Old 11-21-2014, 06:12 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,176,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stoneclaw View Post
I realize its a waste of time.

Maybe my o/p came off as if its something i think about 24/7. I've gotten better with it as I've gotten older and more mature on how to handle my fears. If it's not something that you have a fear of, then great, this is not for you. But there are some that do share a similar fear like I've had and this thread was to help those that do.

But i thank each and every one of you for your viewpoints and I hope to hear more.
Everyone here has already lost family members or friends. We're in a different place...Every now and then, I have to stop myself from worrying about losing the last "family member" I have left. (My son's cat.)...A lot of my friends lost their pets recently and this started to trigger a few fears in me...I work with myself to get a "grip" on my fears. My son's cat is 15 years old and I know neither one of us will live forever. But, we're still "together" right now. And, we're both in good health. So, we try to make each day special! (For ourselves and each other!)
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Old 11-22-2014, 08:12 AM
 
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My husband has been dealing with brain tumors for 3.5 years, and I have been his caregiver. Early on, I was seized with fear about the way he would die, his suffering, being in a vegetative state, etc. Then I realized that I was making up these scenarios that were scaring me so much. The chance of whatever I had imagined actually happening was infinitely small. In fact, though my husband will die of this, it will probably be in an entirely different way than I was imagining. So for these past 3 years, whenever I start thinking of something to fear, I send up a short prayer "Lord, take this fear away; I don't need it." And it works every time. Now the doctors tell us that he is a few weeks away from the end, and they have stopped the chemo. He is on hospice. I have realized how blessed we have been on this journey and how much care God has showered upon us, sometimes through people, sometimes not. So I am enormously sad that I am going to be losing my love (of 42 years) but I don't fear the coming times, the moment of his death, or my life afterward. I know I will be similarly loved, supported, and cared for afterward. And I know he will also be loved, and that he will be healed in death.

So my advice is to realize that when we fear things in the future, we are usually fearing stories of our own making, and that the future will be very different from that. There is no point in making up things only to fear them. So make up your mind that fear has no function in your life, and you will not indulge in this. And ask God's help to relieve you of this. It will work.
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Old 11-22-2014, 09:53 AM
 
Location: SWFL
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G Grasshopper, I commend you for your bravery and am so sorry for your husband's ultimate demise shortly. May God continue to hold you in His arms.
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Old 11-22-2014, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,176,988 times
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G Grasshopper...I admire your bravery too and your willingness to ask for "help" when fears start gnawing away inside of you...I'm sorry your husband is nearing the end. My younger son "battled" brain tumors too. I'm glad that he "left" before things got even worse for him...Sending you a hug and saying loving prayers for you and your husband. Thanks for your "wise" post!
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