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After losing my Dad October 14th, my whole family will be together for Christmas Day which will be good for my Mom because everybody but me and my brother live out of town, but I dread Christmas Eve.
Christmas Eve has always been for in-laws and my kids spend it with their father. Well, I have no in-laws left so it will just be me, my husband and my Mom. It will be depressing and sad not having my Dad there because we always had a meal and played cards.
I now understand why people don't like the holidays.
Well folks, this time of year is difficult on us all, I lost my pops in 1985 the day after New Years, I was strong in the beginning but after a few months it hit me, the good times, the memories of my Dad always being there for us and my moms. The family and friends, the good teachings, the leadership and so on..
A friend of my Fathers said it best to me back when my Fathers friend was still alive, he said, Johnny, we will always miss them, but NEVER lose them. The memories and good times you have are truly a blessing and the blessings you have is what's keep you going. There is plenty of people who will never know that nor the memories, live your life the way your father raised you and make him proud in spirit. One day when your older, you'll look up and say, that's for you pop and you'll know, he heard you. Amazing, how all true it is. I wish you all well, blessings of peace and joy and always remember..
We miss them but never lose them, for our loved ones will always be with us in our hearts, spirit and minds.
This is my second holiday without nan and I still feel this strong sense of grief. January 25, 2015 will mark two years since she has died and I still feel really depressed. Last weekend we visited her grave to place the Christmas wreath and I have felt really depressed since then.
This Christmas I am making baccala. She always made it for Christmas Eve. I'm looking forward to carrying on the tradition, though I'm a bit nervous for how it'll turn out. I miss her chocolate rolled in pizelles. I just miss having her here - she made the holidays.
I'm just feeling sorry for myself so forgive me: I can't believe how many didn't send a Christmas card (let alone a sympathy card initially) - it was just making my day to get a card, the only phone call I got today was a hang-up from a spammer. Have severe arthritis so I made a painful effort to send cards, even if just to say I hoped to see them soon. I'll probably spend the day alone here tomorrow and cry (a friend did invite me and I enjoy seeing them but they have family and grands visiting and I don't want to be in the way, NOT that they make me feel that way but I'm afraid I may start crying and don't want to upset the kids) - I apologize but needed to write this somewhere, the first Christmas is HARD!
Sending a hug to all those going through the same - our friends, etc. have their own traditions and families and just don't realize unless they've been there (as I didn't before).
Flamingo, maybe people thought it not appropriate to send a newly widowed woman a Christmas card. One never knows how others will react. It's kind of like "damned if you do, damned if you don't". My phone didn't ring. I'm watching tv tonight. I'd love a good stiff drink but am being a good girl. I'll be spending tomorrow alone. No big deal anymore. Yes, the first of anything is always the hardest. Sorry you are having a tough time.
Flamingo, maybe people thought it not appropriate to send a newly widowed woman a Christmas card. One never knows how others will react. It's kind of like "damned if you do, damned if you don't". My phone didn't ring. I'm watching tv tonight. I'd love a good stiff drink but am being a good girl. I'll be spending tomorrow alone. No big deal anymore. Yes, the first of anything is always the hardest. Sorry you are having a tough time.
(((Hugs)))
Thank you (and I'm not as tough as you, I've had alot to drink today) - hoping for better days for you!
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