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I have made many blunders during my mourning part of grief, the loss of both of my dogs placed me in a tail spin, not to mention losing my best friend of 25 years and another friend and I felt I was treated badly during a cruise by two women who are no longer in my life. I also became suicidal. All of that is behind me and I want to apologize to those people I hurt. I really struggled after the loss of my last dog. My whole family wiped out. Afterwards, I was bumping into walls and unsure of myself and confused and dismayed and I felt stuck. It definitely felt hard to live in my own skin. I did not know what I wanted in life, lack of self esteem, critical of myself and others, lack of self identity, confused and angered. So, I decided I really needed to work on me and for that to happen I needed to be alone in my journey because I was bound to bump into walls and make mistakes but I felt if anyone was going to be nurturing to my mistakes it was going to be me. And I certainly did not want to hurt one single person. No more hurting others and no more hurting myself. I took a grief support class at college, I am seeing a counselor, and next month a psychiatrist. I am turning the corner. After being diagnosed with PTSD and Depression, I knew I had to work with these obstacles and the issues that created them. I am making progress now. I am slowly integrating into society, a inch at a time. I am working hard on me so I can feel whole and complete and it is not without allot of effort and work. I want to become quote "normal" and "happy" and not be depressed. The sad part is I have hurt many people along the way, not intentionally mind you, it wasn't my purpose to hurt anyone, it was unfortunately the by product of my grief, depression, PTSD and confusion of who was I and what I wanted out of life? Trying to find my identity, my likes and dislikes and who is the new me? I am deeply sorry for those I hurt along the way, I feel badly. I realize now that I wish I received the professional counseling a few years ago after my husband passed away. It has been one blunder after another in my life and now for the first time I am starting to regain my composure and self esteem and identity. I apologize and I hope all of those people I hurt will forgive me, as I am finding out healing is a process and a difficult on at that. Namaste.
Last edited by smilinpretty; 12-12-2014 at 11:29 AM..
I have made many blunders during my mourning part of grief, the loss of both of my dogs placed me in a tail spin, not to mention losing my best friend of 25 years and another friend and I felt I was treated badly during a cruise by two women who are no longer in my life. I also became suicidal. All of that is behind me and I want to apologize to those people I hurt. I really struggled after the loss of my last dog. My whole family wiped out. Afterwards, I was bumping into walls and unsure of myself and confused and dismayed and I felt stuck. It definitely felt hard to live in my own skin. I did not know what I wanted in life, lack of self esteem, critical of myself and others, lack of self identity, confused and angered. So, I decided I really needed to work on me and for that to happen I needed to be alone in my journey because I was bound to bump into walls and make mistakes but I felt if anyone was going to be nurturing to my mistakes it was going to be me. And I certainly did not want to hurt one single person. No more hurting others and no more hurting myself. I took a grief support class at college, I am seeing a counselor, and next month a psychiatrist. I am turning the corner. After being diagnosed with PTSD and Depression, I knew I had to work with these obstacles and the issues that created them. I am making progress now. I am slowly integrating into society, a inch at a time. I am working hard on me so I can feel whole and complete and it is not without allot of effort and work. I want to become quote "normal" and "happy" and not be depressed. The sad part is I have hurt many people along the way, not intentionally mind you, it wasn't my purpose to hurt anyone, it was unfortunately the by product of my grief, depression, PTSD and confusion of who was I and what I wanted out of life? Trying to find my identity, my likes and dislikes and who is the new me? I am deeply sorry for those I hurt along the way, I feel badly. I realize now that I wish I received the professional counseling a few years ago after my husband passed away. It has been one blunder after another in my life and now for the first time I am starting to regain my composure and self esteem and identity. I apologize and I hope all of those people I hurt will forgive me, as I am finding out healing is a process and a difficult on at that. Namaste.
I'm glad you're doing better. Wishing you the best. Happy holidays.
"Remember.....Happiness doesn't depend on who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think." Buddha
So think that you are a good person; you didn't intentionally hurt anyone; you were in a tail spin trying to hang on to what you had lost.....and now you have turned the bend and are able live in the present.....You are a good person......breathing in .......... breathing out......
It's hard to "think straight" when we're going through trauma. I can relate.. I found my friend lying unconscious in his house the day after Thanksgiving. And, it nearly sent me over the "cliff." It reactivated all of my old trauma...My friend is finally starting to do better. (After 18 days in the hospital.) And, I don't feel quite as "crazy" or traumatized anymore.. Some of my other friends probably thought that I was over-reacting. But, I was scared. I lost my entire family and I was faced with death all over again. Or, the possibility that my friend might wind-up in a nursing home nearly "brain dead."..Anyway, trauma can definitely make us feel "crazy." I can relate to what you wrote in your opening post. Glad you're doing better now.
Just wanted to say -- you are moving forward. That is HUGE!
The people who care about you will understand the obstacles you faced and how it affected you. Once they see you are finding your way and doing better with managing, they will realize you have been on a journey that perhaps they had no way of truly understanding.
If you feel you must make amends to someone, by all means, do it -- but just know that most of the people around you will be happy to see you doing better -- and they will not need any sort of apology.
Glad to hear you are in a better place now! Best wishes!
Hugs to the OP and all of you and I will include a hug for myself because God knows I have been in an extremely fragile mental state of late. God watch over us all.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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Been with you since Day 1, smilin' and still here. There were times we were so worried about you, but you know that, and times we cheered you on when you took those tenuous first baby steps. You're on a good path, even with the little side steps off the path, and you know those of us who've been around since the beginning of your journey are thrilled as we watch you emerge strong and smiling better each day. You know the mantra, one step at a time, and breathe! {{{smilin}}}
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