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Old 02-05-2015, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Palmer/Fishhook, Alaska
1,256 posts, read 874,524 times
Reputation: 1895

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There is no greater pain imaginable than the one you went through. None.

My deepest condolences for your loss, and an internet hug for you from across the Pond.
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Old 02-10-2015, 07:19 AM
 
Location: Seattle some of the time now.
726 posts, read 488,151 times
Reputation: 1228
Brownie~ I am so sorry about the death of your son! It's the worst thing that can happen to a parent. It takes time for the pain to ease just a little. My son also died way too young, although not as young as your son. Parker, my son was 30. There was no cause of death on his death certificate & he was 1/2 a world away.

I'm sorry you have to endure remarks others make. That only adds to the extreme sadness, the pain & the indignation you feel when that happens. It's so difficult being a teenager in today's world. Likewise, it's also difficult being a parent of a teenager today. You may have been going through a little something with your son right before he died, but try not to think about that. That was such a small amount of time in his life & in your relationship with him. Think about all the loving, fun, tender & awesome interactions you had with him. Gather every picture you have with him & build a project around it.

I know it hurts you so badly! I felt like my son didn't get to live the rest of his life. He was never to experience so many life events that we, as mothers, look forward to sharing with them. And in your case there will be basic life activities that your son (& you) just won't have the chance to participate in. That & the fact that there was nothing I could do about it was what I had an extra tough time trying to acknowledge. As parents, we always try to protect our children, help them figure out what to do when something goes wrong. But this....death doesn't even allow us to help them. It's so final! That's soooo very hard to accept!!

I agree with others here that some therapy would likely help. I know it's hard to even think about trying to find someone who is good, specializes in mourning a child's death, make the appointment & go. Perhaps you could ask someone especially close to you if they could find someone for you to meet with? Just a thought.

In time, you will be better able to live daily, show your other children you really do care & not feel guilty about your son's death. I mean, every parent has asked themselves, "What if I hadn't said this... or ... I should have done that.." I believe everything happens for a reason. I couldn't think of one reason for my son having to die, but had to resolve myself to the fact that it actually was his time.

I talk to him daily. I thank him when the traffic suddenly opens up just in my lane. I pray to God every day that He is close & watching over my son. Yes, & I journal-ed like crazy.

Good luck to you, Brownie. Know that there are many of us here who will offer words of love & affection, encouragement & support, which you deserve.

Nancy, Parker's mom.
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Old 02-18-2015, 07:26 AM
 
1,094 posts, read 763,402 times
Reputation: 2248
Brownie,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I pray that God gives you strength to cope. It is normal for you to feel guilty and it's easier said than done to tell you not to.

I watched my mother grieve the death of my 16 y/o brother who had committed suicide. I was 17 at the time and it killed me and my 5 other siblings watching her in so much pain. She dealt with it somehow, I guess having 5 other kids helped at times. She got through it, but never over it.

I lost my 21 y/o son almost 5 years ago. I found him dead in his room. He had just turned 21 and had been drinking. He took some kind of a pill (over the counter or maybe even one of my pain pills). His cause of death was toxic poisoning due to combination of booze and morphine.

I just quit going for counseling about 6 mos. ago. I agree with one of the other Mom's here to find someone who specializes in the grief of a child. Some people say that grief is grief regardless of who it is. To a point they're right, but they've probably never lost a child. I was given the name of a wonderful grief counselor and was told that she lost a child. In all honesty, she did help me through the process. She had lost her husband, but she didn't understand what I felt as a grieving mother.

I was on Facebook when my son died and found a group called "Compassionate Friends". It's a support group for grieving parents, siblings and grandparents. If you do Facebook, join the group. I can pretty much guarantee you'll be amazed at how many of us belong to that club and are walking in your shoes. They even have real support groups that you can go to depending on where you live. There are none around me, so I would go for counseling and talk to the people via posts on the website. I have been blessed with a good family and they are still helping me through this.

Most people are good by nature and mean well. If you work, I will suggest that you keep as strong as you can at work. Don't open up about your feelings because some people are downright heartless.

Take one day at a time and try to take care of you. Let people help you. It is a journey that most of us never dreamed we'd be on. You'll never get over it, but you will somehow learn to live with it.

My heart aches for you and I pray that you get strength wherever you can find it.
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Old 03-05-2016, 04:09 PM
 
1 posts, read 445 times
Reputation: 15
brownie I lost my son to suicide and everyday I blame myself and ask that impossible question w "Why did I not see this coming?" I could have stopped it. My heart aches and too am hollow everyday. I am a strong in faith and even am a Stevens Minister but it still hurts. I will pray for you. Your friend Craig @schindlbeck47@sbcglobal.net Blessings to you all.
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Old 03-05-2016, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Maryland
421 posts, read 884,867 times
Reputation: 761
Quote:
Originally Posted by brownie265 View Post
Our son died last march, He was 15 and was hit by a lorry, He suffered a traumatic head injuries and died in hospital. I thought He was at school. We had a told him off the night before as we had found out he had tried smoking weed. (something that was very unusual for him to do, he was such a good lad) We discussed the dangers of drug taking and the worry we had as parents. The next morning , we all had breakfast together, me, my hubby, my Son (15) and his three siblings. After that it turned in to a usual Monday manic morning, lunches, hair, teeth and school runs. That morning my son (15) never said goodbye. At 08.45 I phoned my sons school to make them aware of my findings the night previous and asked if they could go check on my son as I felt worried. The teacher I spoke to said she would go check on him and give me a call back by the end of the day to talk about what I discussed. At 14.30 a policeman came to my door and I received the worse news any parent ever wants to hear. A family member has been involved in a RTI and has suffered a fatality. My first thoughts were my husband as he drove to work. The police man said its not your husband its your son. My next thought was my little son who had gone out with his Nan that day in her car.The police man next told me it was my eldest son had been hit by a lorry and they think He might have run out in front of it on purpose.... Then the fog came, This upsets me to even type it.
on my son that day was two bags with two sets of clothes, pj's and two pairs of pants, he had asked his friend to run away with him, His friend said no he was going to face the what ever trouble im in. My son said he didnt fancy school that day and was going to go to the skate park until things had calmed down.
I never had a phone call from the school that day to say of my sons absence, if I had I would have phoned the police and had people out looking for my lovely son.
The coroner pronounced my Sons death as Open.
Some days I feel dead, I find everything hard and go around in circles with my thoughts.
How do others cope, I have so much guilt and hatred for myself.

please go to www.georgenaderson.com I too have lost a teenager. That's all I want to say.
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Old 03-05-2016, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
6,724 posts, read 11,739,154 times
Reputation: 19354
Quote:
Originally Posted by seethelight View Post
please go to www.georgenaderson.com I too have lost a teenager. That's all I want to say.
I assume you mean the George Anderson site ... the site of the FRAUD who calls himself a medium?

It is INCREDIBLY difficult to lose anyone we're close to, and I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. But to tell the OP to use a psychic who charges $1,200 for a "session" at which he does NOTHING but guess and guess and guess (and be wrong and be wrong and be wrong) ... that is just irresponsible (I know you meant well, but geez!).

For more on the "psychic," go here: Close Encounter of the Secondhand Kind with ?Psychic Medium? George Anderson - CSI .

(And the OP has not been back in more than a year. I hope she and her family are doing OK.)
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Old 03-06-2016, 01:17 AM
 
Location: Seattle some of the time now.
726 posts, read 488,151 times
Reputation: 1228
My dear Brownie...I am truly sorry your son has left this world & you. My son was 30 when he passed away over 7 years ago. The two immediate things that helped me most were: 1) Journaling. I kept a letter sized notebook near me all the time & I would write, write & write. Sometimes to him, sometimes about him, sometimes about my other children and how it affected them. And 2) I did see a psychic. She came highly recommended by a good friend and she came to my house for $75. I do believe there's something to that but even if I didn't, it was very comforting for me. When I just wanted to crawl out of my skin and I would start hyperventilating and didn't know what I was going to do, I would talk to the psychic. She could see and hear my son she said and the way she spoke when telling me what he was saying was just like him. So even if it wasn't true, I felt like he was still around.

I hope you'll think about not feeling guilty for being angry with your son the night before and for not getting a proper goodbye in the morning. This was just one very brief time in his life. The rest of his life is what you should think about and how you should remember him. I'm sure almost all of the other times with him were loving and caring and nurturing. Just because the last times you saw him were unpleasant doesn't sum up his whole life with you. It doesn't sound to me like he ran out in front of the truck on purpose. This scenario is probably closer to he was confused, upset and a host of other emotions he didn't know what to do with and he made a mistake.

I understand what you're going through, I do. I will be praying for you, your family & your very special son.
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Old 03-06-2016, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Maryland
421 posts, read 884,867 times
Reputation: 761
Quote:
Originally Posted by karen_in_nh_2012 View Post
I assume you mean the George Anderson site ... the site of the FRAUD who calls himself a medium?

It is INCREDIBLY difficult to lose anyone we're close to, and I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. But to tell the OP to use a psychic who charges $1,200 for a "session" at which he does NOTHING but guess and guess and guess (and be wrong and be wrong and be wrong) ... that is just irresponsible (I know you meant well, but geez!).

For more on the "psychic," go here: Close Encounter of the Secondhand Kind with ?Psychic Medium? George Anderson - CSI .

(And the OP has not been back in more than a year. I hope she and her family are doing OK.)

You have no business commenting on a subject which you know nothing about. I was at a session in which there were 14 people. Never asked anyone's' names and was 100% accurate in helping those in attendance get some insight as how their loved ones were doing. He named specific names, congratulated a couple on their baby to be, which the couple said they haven't even told their parents.


George Anderson is a medium, not a psychic. He charges a lot for a session because he has a LOT of people working in his office, answering letters, setting up appointments and scheduling travel arrangements. George has about a one year waiting list for people that want private sessions. That should speak for itself. People aren't all stupid when they have lost someone. Although, sadly some are. There are mediums and or psychics who have no business trying to help anyone, but there are those that have the gift.


Try watching Long Island Medium sometime. I'll bet there are certainly people that believe (as opposed to knowing) that the show is phony. There are those that are skeptical about everything. Doesn't matter. No one is perfect, and that includes George Anderson. After my session with George there were many, many tears of joy. You didn't see them, but I did. Do you think it mattered at that time how much money they spent.


No one is forced to see George, however those that do, including myself have read many of his books and have decided that the amount is worth it.


People like you really **** me off. Leave your closed mind closed and let those people who want to communicate with their loved ones do so at their own choosing. It's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.


In my session with George he was complete accurate in everything he said about the loss of my son and was quite specific about details that no one other than my wife and myself knew about. The money was really well spent in my opinion. I don't care about your opinion.


I don't think you have lost a child and come on places like C-D and try and try and tell parents who have lost a child what to do.


Keep away from people in pain. They don't need your opinion and judgment.

Last edited by seethelight; 03-06-2016 at 01:43 PM..
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