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Those unexpected jolts that include tears can come at the damnest times.
I thought I've been doing pretty well and haven't been concerned with being out in public but Bam!
Last night I had to abruptly leave a community dinner/dance with good live entertainers when they started playing this certain song.
Ooops....end of the evening for me.
It hadn't helped to be reminded of what will never be. The best dancers on the floor was a sweet couple that have been dancing together now for 58 years.
We look at birth as a joyous time and death as a heartache. I think we have been conditioned to that type of outlook. I don't like or want that.
I want my departure from this life form to be a joyous time, a celebration of my life. When people see something that reminds them of me after I have departed, I want a smile to come across their face and to think about a memory that was fun, joyful. That's what I want... no frowns, no crying.
That's also the way I like to think of the dearly departed.
I thought I would never get over my grief. The first year is just a blur it was awful. The second year I bounced around trying to find my way in life and the third year my Doctor told me to get therapy, she did all she could for me. So now I am receiving Counseling and I am 200 percent better. This month will be 31 months since I lost my dear husband and I am finally adapting to my new life. I am making friends, getting involved in life. Like others have mentioned you never get over the loss, you just adapt to your new life style.
I know Counseling helped me tremendously.
It has just been less than a few weeks and I am starting to feel like my old self and normal to the point I can see the light.
I thought I would never get out of the fog.
Those unexpected jolts that include tears can come at the damnest times.
I thought I've been doing pretty well and haven't been concerned with being out in public but Bam!
Last night I had to abruptly leave a community dinner/dance with good live entertainers when they started playing this certain song.
Ooops....end of the evening for me.
It hadn't helped to be reminded of what will never be. The best dancers on the floor was a sweet couple that have been dancing together now for 58 years.
This is why music has been ruined for me forever. That seems to be a big trigger. I avoid music now except for my Zen. Sorry your night was ruined old_cold.
We look at birth as a joyous time and death as a heartache. I think we have been conditioned to that type of outlook. I don't like or want that.
I want my departure from this life form to be a joyous time, a celebration of my life. When people see something that reminds them of me after I have departed, I want a smile to come across their face and to think about a memory that was fun, joyful. That's what I want... no frowns, no crying.
That's also the way I like to think of the dearly departed.
I forgot to mention that when those moments of grief do try to work their way through I stop for a minute and I make myself think about something very positive or happy about the deceased. I keep thinking about them like that until I finally get smile on my face. When that happens, I feel like everything is all right..... it's like having honored the deceased again.
Thank you both - I thought "One year" is the magical number - and it will be one year next month - turns out, there is no "magical number"
that is correct, there is no magical number. It seems like everyone wants/expects you to be done with grieving within one year and if you aren't then everyone wants to question you, thinking something is wrong with you and you need a therapist etc. On the contrary it is normal to go on for years feeling like this though it becomes less intense after two or three years. But sometimes it gets very intense especially when you think of something related to the death of your loved one.
My story is sort of like yours, Springazure. My husband will ill for almost 4 years before he died. We knew that he would die. I thought I had grieved so much over those 4 years that it would not be so much after he died. But I was wrong. It was a shattering loss. Now only 2 months later, I am going to a widow's group and also individual counseling as well as yoga twice a week. The second month has been not so relentless as the first, but the pain is still a big part of my life. I am realizing that this will take a while. But I am still trying to figure out who I am and how I can live without him. Yes, I have lost my future, or at least the one I imagined. But I am so very, very grateful that I had this wonderful man by my side for 43 years. I cannot be bitter, and I am not angry, only sad and missing him so much, I can't really express it. Still, we talked about his dreams for me, in his absence, and I know that he wants me to carry on and eventually find a good life for myself. So I am going to try to do this - if only to honor him and our lives together. It may take time, and I am being gentle and slow with myself, but I think it will eventually happen. I hope it happens for all those who have lost their spouse. But I know how hard it is.
Grief is one of those things that I think humans will never fully understand, like irrational fear it always seems to rear its ugly head at the worst of times. Live on the good memories that you carry, and let her light shine through you every single day.
"Remember that you cannot feel sad without having first felt happy."
Last edited by BeanSprouts; 02-06-2015 at 11:33 PM..
In 2001 when I was 44 my beloved 49 year old husband died suddenly from a heart attack. Even though it has been a little over thirteen years since my husband's death, and I have been in a long term wonderful relationship that brought back much joy to my life, I had to accept along the way that I will always retain some grief for the loss of my husband but I did not have to be consumed by it. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss my husband, my parents who have since passed, as well as several dear friends and cherished pets, but the fleeting tears and sadness I experience from time to time over these losses is very quickly replaced when I remind myself how blessed I have been to have loved and been loved by these wonderful people, canines, and felines.
So very sorry for your loss.
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