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I would let him take the lead, but I recommend giving it some time. You can "get on with your life" without getting married. You are building memories right now with him, and those will be part of your lives together, if you do eventually get married. (I would also question the idea that time not married is "wasted.") One thing that comes up some times is the new spouse not wanting to hear about the spouse who died. If he is always talking about her, then perhaps he is not ready for a relationship. But I think people should always be able to relate experiences with the lost spouse. That person has been, after all, a prime factor in the development of the person who has survived. Yes, grief can wax and wane. You can be doing just fine, then have a "relapse" of grief due to a song, a visual clue, a dream - almost anything. I recommend that you do some reading about the loss of a spouse and its impact. Another possibility is couples counseling to make sure that you both are ready and have explored and understand the implications of the life changing events of being widowed and being re-married.
I am a 61 yr old widow. I was married 25 yrs and my Hubby passed on 4/4/12. I attended support groups at the local hospital and had one on one counseling. I learned that many men are ready to start dating in 6 mos! I starting dating at 18 mos. There were men in my support group whose kids were going nuts but reality is that because they had a good relationship ... and let's face it, the women take care of the men, they were not used to being alone. The other thing is that the men who had gone through long illnesses , wanted to live again! I ended up dating a widower and we just enjoy having a good time. We already saw bad times and want to have fun while we can. We make it pretty clear that our life is our life and we do not want to hear any BS from anyone after what we've been through. If a widow/widower feels strongly about his/her relationship, nothing will disrupt it. I mean I already lost everything once.
I am a 61 yr old widow. I was married 25 yrs and my Hubby passed on 4/4/12. I attended support groups at the local hospital and had one on one counseling. I learned that many men are ready to start dating in 6 mos! I starting dating at 18 mos. There were men in my support group whose kids were going nuts but reality is that because they had a good relationship ... and let's face it, the women take care of the men, they were not used to being alone. The other thing is that the men who had gone through long illnesses , wanted to live again! I ended up dating a widower and we just enjoy having a good time. We already saw bad times and want to have fun while we can. We make it pretty clear that our life is our life and we do not want to hear any BS from anyone after what we've been through. If a widow/widower feels strongly about his/her relationship, nothing will disrupt it. I mean I already lost everything once.
I can't say that I actually understand why widowers would date sooner, as you say. The two things you state - not being used to being alone (or taking care of themselves) and wanting to live again after long caregiving - certainly apply to women as well as men. It is not only widowers who have to learn new life skills; it is also widows. So I don't understand why it seems to be common knowledge that men adjust to their new life sooner than women. It makes me wonder if some men say they have gotten over it because they think it indicates weakness to still be in grief.
To be perfectly honest, I think it's because men can "make a move" on women and women (of a certain age) wait to be asked. I think that is one reason on-line dating is so popular, women can make the first move. Arcaich but sadly true. I bet if women were "allowed" to make "first contact", more widows would be re-married.
That is my opinion of the whole situation.
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