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Grieving is a complex process. And different for all of us. My father passed 6 years ago. We were very close for the final 15+ years of his life. Sometimes I feel he is with me and I say a few words to him. I hope he does check on me once and a while, the thought of this gives me strength.
My father was killed when I was only four months old. Now, over 80 years later, I still miss and want a father in my life. There is an empty space that will never fill up.
I can't imagine getting used to the recent passing of a loved one.
My father was killed when I was only four months old. Now, over 80 years later, I still miss and want a father in my life. There is an empty space that will never fill up.
I can't imagine getting used to the recent passing of a loved one.
When my mom used to talk about her vivid memory of the arm band being ripped at her mother's funeral, it was hard for me to imagine feeling bad all those years. But you, Padgett2, confirmed what I knew and took me aback - we don't get over it despite what Kubler-Ross may say (and I don't believe you get over anything even as you move in and of the acceptance phase).
My father was killed when I was only four months old. Now, over 80 years later, I still miss and want a father in my life. There is an empty space that will never fill up.
I can't imagine getting used to the recent passing of a loved one.
Just WOW! That makes me feel so sad for you. (((Hugs)))
Yes, it is normal... I've been there, still there... sorry you suffered such a loss while so young... was just a few years older when my father passed. I've found writing about both my parents somewhat cathartic... not that it gets rid of the grief but gave me positive emotions to help balance it.
Last edited by go09; 03-15-2015 at 02:59 PM..
Reason: spelling
When my mom used to talk about her vivid memory of the arm band being ripped at her mother's funeral, it was hard for me to imagine feeling bad all those years. But you, Padgett2, confirmed what I knew and took me aback - we don't get over it despite what Kubler-Ross may say (and I don't believe you get over anything even as you move in and of the acceptance phase).
Wow. In Peace.
I hate the term getting over it. Getting over it is easy if you wanted broccoli for dinner and all they had was green beans. THAT you get over.
A death is something you work through. And it's s touchstone for your life. I have before Daddy died and after Daddy died. And now I have before Mom died and after Mom died.
And while I have worked through the grief and I am now is a good place with it, doesn't mean that something can't come out of nowhere and take me down again.
My Dad loved to play guitar and sing -- he was a little accomplished at it, and could carry a tune and his voice was pleasant. There was a song he loved to play called Way Down in Columbus Georgia. After he died, I never heard it again.
Until 20 years later, my husband and I were at a Harvest Festival. The band was playing all sorts of songs and they started playing it. I grabbed my husband's hand, looked at him. The look on my face scared him. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, but I could run. And I ran. Husband followed. I found a place where there weren't many people and started sobbing.... still couldn't talk. And isn't it INFURIATING when your husband is demanding you talk when you just can't? But he wants to know who he has to tear from limb to limb....
Took about five minutes to calm myself down.... That grief came back like it was yesterday, and took me down to my knees.
18 year olds view things differently than when they get older. I find I now feel horrible about some of the things I did to my Mom when I was younger, but in my teens they didn't bother me at all. We get wiser and more sensitive to these things as we age.
So, you are perfectly normal, and most of us wish we had our parents here now to tell them how much we really cared for them and how loved we felt by them.
I'm going through a rough patch right now and was crying for her, my dad and my son this morning. I'd give anything for a group hug from them! I just closed my eyes and imagined hugging them all.
I still don't like Mother's Day. It gets easier, but I'm (I guess jealous) of people that still have their Moms and mine died 26 yrs. ago.
I hate the term getting over it. Getting over it is easy if you wanted broccoli for dinner and all they had was green beans. THAT you get over.
A death is something you work through. And it's s touchstone for your life. I have before Daddy died and after Daddy died. And now I have before Mom died and after Mom died.
Yes, it is a violent shaking of your world. That is for sure. What you said above, reminded me of a review I read awhile back for a book about the early loss of a parent. The reviewer wrote: " I've been painfully aware that there was one life before he died, and another one after, as clean a break as you could make cutting a thick rope with a sharp knife." Isn't that the truth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tallysmom
Until 20 years later, my husband and I were at a Harvest Festival. The band was playing all sorts of songs and they started playing it. I grabbed my husband's hand, looked at him. The look on my face scared him. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, but I could run. And I ran. Husband followed. I found a place where there weren't many people and started sobbing.... still couldn't talk. And isn't it INFURIATING when your husband is demanding you talk when you just can't? But he wants to know who he has to tear from limb to limb....
Took about five minutes to calm myself down.... That grief came back like it was yesterday, and took me down to my knees
I still don't like Mother's Day. It gets easier, but I'm (I guess jealous) of people that still have their Moms and mine died 26 yrs. ago.
You'll never lose that love...
Same here, My mom died in 89. Seems like just yesterday sometimes. And other times, it seems like centuries ago. It's a very odd thing. Time.
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