U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-28-2015, 05:08 PM
 
Location: San Diego
535 posts, read 390,500 times
Reputation: 518

Advertisements

I am of the opinion that funerals are for the living, not the dead. It is an opportunity for them to grieve, even if such grief is just "paying respects" to a neighbor or coworker. I don't mind those "polite" sorts of attendees. And, having lost my biological father to the effects of Agent Orange in 1990, I don't think they mind eachother. It gives people more of a glimpse into the life of the deceased.

I wasn't always that way, though. I am fascinated by big funerals and marriages. Just the ceremony and artistry of it all. But, during a talk with my mother and adopted father, they told me that they felt a funeral was for the living. And based on that, I came to agree.

Having said all that, I am somewhat of a recluse. I have no close friends that aren't family friends. I have no desire for marriage or children. I have no siblings. I will likely have no grandparents, unless I die tomorrow, and I am not that bad off.

So, therefore, I do not expect a funeral. But I also do not forbid it. Let people be who they are. As an atheist, I do not believe my spirit will be around to witness these events of closure, but it would sure be interesting to know how my death was handled, publicly, legally, and privately.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-28-2015, 08:15 PM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,571 posts, read 17,949,017 times
Reputation: 5919
Has anyone ever looked at the Hearse charge going to the Cemetery....a nice monthly Pymt for a BMW.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2015, 09:25 PM
 
5,818 posts, read 3,298,927 times
Reputation: 13553
Quote:
Originally Posted by T. Damon View Post
I've never in my life ever even been to a funeral (I'm 54), only memorials or more informal get together of a social gathering and life celebration.

Nobody in my immediate family has ever even considered it.

Same with my family. But I was really surprised and happy when over 200 people attended the celebration we had for my Dad in his condo clubhouse. He was 86 and people showed up from all over.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-29-2015, 09:48 AM
 
279 posts, read 260,061 times
Reputation: 681
For all those who say funerals are for the living, my first (tongue-in-cheek) response is fine, let the living have their own funeral for themselves (with their own money and body) and keep me out of it when I'm dead.

The problem with the rationale of "for the living" is that it is usually done only for the desires and wishes of "some" of the living.

A case in point is when my aunt died, a cousin (one of her daughters) decided to make the whole funeral about "her" need to celebrate her mother. That may seem to be a non-brainer and innocent at first, but then you consider she had two other siblings who didn't agree with the elaborate plans for the funeral. That became a family feud (between them) that went on for years.

In my own case, when my father died, my grandmother (father's mother) tried to shame us about the coffin we decided on as she felt it was too plain. I got that she was dealing with her grief in her own way (and obviously wanted the best for her own son) but she'll never understand just how much stress she added to our lives by carrying on so much about it while we were trying to deal with our own grief and other arrangements.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-06-2015, 04:10 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,541 posts, read 42,708,506 times
Reputation: 57189
I see this as a trend, especially now, when so many families and friends are spread far and wide. Both my husband and I are far from family and friends. We are both in agreement about cremation. I am not a fan of scattering ashes, but I understand that that is ok for some people.
I cannot foresee a need for calling hours or a funeral in a place where we don't know anyone who would come. I see no need for people to come a long distance to attend. Those who love us, love us.
I do need to decide, I think, on a resting place for our ashes where someone could come if they wanted to.
I have many close relatives buried in 2 cemeteries within a mile of each other. I think it is nice for future generations who might be interested.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-06-2015, 04:30 PM
 
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, originally from SF Bay Area
28,387 posts, read 50,582,032 times
Reputation: 28616
When my mother-in-law passed at age 95, none of her friends or relatives were still around, except for us, our kids and grandson. There was no point to having any kind of formal service. We were able to have the cremation, including pickup at the adult family home, and nice urn for just about $1,000.
After getting the proper permit (free) we drove her remains to California where we had to pay $3,000 (to dig the hole!) to have her interred with her husband, on the plot they had bought back in the 1970s. Funerals are a huge, very profitable industry, that can't be easily avoided, but unless there is a large number of mourners that will benefit from a time of closure with plenty of support, spending a lot of money on a funeral is wasteful.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-06-2015, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Happyville, North Carolina
2,367 posts, read 2,021,184 times
Reputation: 3528
Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE View Post
Neptune Society charges $695 to cremate and dispose of the body. Sounds like a deal to me. I hope to never need that service.
I told my sister to cremate me when I go. Just to pour my ashes around my parents grave site. No service at the grave site either. Dont make a big deal out of it. Life is for the living. Im gone, go out to dinner and enjoy the day. Its kind of a waste to spend so much on a funeral.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-07-2015, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Columbia MO
1,454 posts, read 1,738,062 times
Reputation: 1789
I don't think it should be the choice of the decedent, but of his/her family. Funerals are for them, after all, not you. There is something to be said for some sort of memorial meeting, service, convocation, whatever, to help with the grief process for them. Everyone in my family who died past the mid-1980s elected cremation, but not only was there a service, but in some cases we put up a headstone for them in a cemetery, a place where we could go, not to visit so much, but to be in a place of remembrance.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top