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Old 05-13-2015, 02:59 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,433 posts, read 18,150,188 times
Reputation: 18814

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Newenglander0000 View Post
Not paranoid at all. Just a private person that loathes the "look at me" self seeking attention that most of my peers are accustomed to. Husband and I don't have social media sites. If we want you to know we are married or what is going on in our lives (such as one of us passed away), then we will tell you.

It really isn't embarrassing. I can't even tell you how many times I've run into someone and asked them how ___ was doing just to find out that person passed away. And you know what? That person had an obituary, funeral, etc... It happens. Whether or not my family is embarrassed is dependent upon themselves. I know that I wouldn't be embarrassed if I explained that my hubby passed and that we didn't announce it. But that's me. I suppose if they really felt compelled to publish an obituary then that's their prerogative however it is not my wishes that they do so.
That's ridiculous to call you paranoid! I applaud your abhorrence of the funeral industry. More people should feel that way.
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Old 05-13-2015, 03:42 PM
 
797 posts, read 990,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
The disposition of your remains would be up to your husband - if he outlives you. What your family may decide to do apart from what he does he can't control, and you will be dead - so why get your shorts in a knot about something you will be totally unaware of.

Given your strong feelings, I think your concern should be how to get your wishes carried out if you outlive your husband. They may be a way to appoint someone to handle the final disposition of your corpse...maybe you should spend some time looking into that contingency.
I get my shorts in a knot thinking about money that could go to my children being spent on fulfilling someone else's desires.
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Old 05-13-2015, 03:43 PM
 
797 posts, read 990,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
That's ridiculous to call you paranoid! I applaud your abhorrence of the funeral industry. More people should feel that way.

Thank you. I can think of a million better ways to spend my money than on funeral costs
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Old 05-13-2015, 03:52 PM
 
8,218 posts, read 8,501,765 times
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Most people don't realize that you can shop around. In fact, there's a famous book about the way the death industry takes advantage of people: The American Way of Death, by Jessica Mitford.

But I know someone who arranged beforehand for a rock-bottom cremation that only cost a few hundred.
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Old 05-13-2015, 04:02 PM
 
1,094 posts, read 763,780 times
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I'm of the same opinion as many of you are. The only people I want mourning me are those that love me and are a part of my life and I theirs.

My wishes are known to my family and I don't think they have a problem with it, but I'll have to see if anyone is strongly against it, not that it will change my mind.

I hate the thought of some phonies I've known in my life pretending they care! hahaha
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Old 05-13-2015, 04:40 PM
 
Location: Venus
4,253 posts, read 2,801,055 times
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Funerals are for the living. With both of my parents, we only paid for cremation but we may have made donations to where their memorial services were. My father's ashes were scattered and we had a memorial service for him at his meeting house (he was a Quaker). My mother's memorial service was at her church (Episcopal) and she was buried in Arlington Cemetery next to my step-father. Both memorial services were their wishes.



Cat
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Old 05-13-2015, 05:01 PM
 
Location: NOT in the Land of lollipops & unicorns...I live in reality.
980 posts, read 859,830 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Newenglander0000 View Post
When I die I want the least amount of money spent on me. I want my body donated to science and if that isn't an option then I want a "green burial" (for those unfamiliar with that, this is what it is Green Burials,...Return Naturally )

I loathe the funeral business and their outrageous costs. Even a creamation can cost upwards of $3500! I also feel that funerals and wakes are for the living, not the dead. If people want to mourn my passing then that is fine but to pay an exorbitant amount just to have it immediately preceding my death at a funeral home just seems insane. I really want my family to have time to grieve, sort out finances and whatnot, then remember me how they want- whether it be a small get together at a family member's home, going out to eat at a restaurant, listening to my favorite songs, watching a favorite movie of mine, or (ideally this is what I want people to do) to go on a vacation and relax and enjoy time with each other by living in the moment and appreciating our time on earth. I feel using money (and time/effort) on my suggestions versus holding a funeral or wake is a better alternative.

Personally I don't like the idea of forcing people that otherwise wouldn't socialize to meet up after my passing and cry and mourn like that. I also feel that people shouldn't feel obligated (due to societal pressure that comes with knowing someone you were once close with passed away) to "pay respects" especially if said people weren't actively in my life. I feel like friends and people come and go in life and that is part of what makes our life unique and special. But just because we worked together 8 years ago or because we went to high school together doesn't mean I want you to be mourning my death in the presence of my family and friends. I especially don't want people that weren't in my life (I have family members that are real jerks!) suddenly showing up like they care. I am a firm believer in making every day count- if I am important to you then you'll make time for me in your life (and vice versa in regards to how I feel towards my friends). I have never been a fan of funerals or wakes.

My husband is completely on board with this. He wants the same for himself when his time comes. The problem is that I expressed my wishes to family and they are livid. They are telling my husband that if he were to honor my wishes that they'd go behind his back and plan a memorial service in my honor and have a "proper" wake. What the heck! Why can't they just be respectful of what *I* would want? Which also happens to be what my husband is most comfortable with as well.


What are your thoughts?
I am with you in heart, but I wanted to have a 'green burial' by Eternal Reefs...I call it 'getting to be a mermaid'. I thought I would go ahead and make those arrangements myself...cost=$6000. to start! Now, really....WHAT can the costs be to take cremated remains and add them to some 'cement' and them sink them in the ocean? So it appears that everyone is out there making the most $$$ they can even in the 'green' business!
In NC you can get cremated for around $2000. I will work on paying for that up front, just so my son doesn't have to be concerned with it. I cannot see the $6000. Eternal Reefs burial at sea. NO WAY, no how!
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Old 05-13-2015, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,144 posts, read 7,469,555 times
Reputation: 17054
What a horrible way to look at this.

Funerals are closure for the grieving.

What a great thing to do for the people that love you.

Just leave them hanging.
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Old 05-13-2015, 05:39 PM
 
797 posts, read 990,238 times
Reputation: 652
Quote:
Originally Posted by cam1957 View Post

I hate the thought of some phonies I've known in my life pretending they care! hahaha


Exactly!
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Old 05-13-2015, 05:42 PM
 
797 posts, read 990,238 times
Reputation: 652
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatwomanofV View Post
Funerals are for the living. With both of my parents, we only paid for cremation but we may have made donations to where their memorial services were. My father's ashes were scattered and we had a memorial service for him at his meeting house (he was a Quaker). My mother's memorial service was at her church (Episcopal) and she was buried in Arlington Cemetery next to my step-father. Both memorial services were their wishes.



Cat

One major issue I have with creamation is how it impacts the environment, but I do realize that my family may opt for that since it is easier. The nearest place that offers a green burial is a state away.. Not sure how that'd work with crossing state lines. That being said I am definitely going to inquire about affordable creamation. Being donated to medical science is one way to do that, but I've read that they only accept bodies if the person meets a criteria set forth by a research study..

Last edited by sunshinelove0000; 05-13-2015 at 06:06 PM.. Reason: Typo
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