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Old 05-13-2015, 05:43 PM
 
797 posts, read 990,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mooksmom View Post
I am with you in heart, but I wanted to have a 'green burial' by Eternal Reefs...I call it 'getting to be a mermaid'. I thought I would go ahead and make those arrangements myself...cost=$6000. to start! Now, really....WHAT can the costs be to take cremated remains and add them to some 'cement' and them sink them in the ocean? So it appears that everyone is out there making the most $$$ they can even in the 'green' business!
In NC you can get cremated for around $2000. I will work on paying for that up front, just so my son doesn't have to be concerned with it. I cannot see the $6000. Eternal Reefs burial at sea. NO WAY, no how!
Wow that is insanely expensive, and cement in the bottom of the ocean doesn't sound very "green" to me! Sounds fishy (no pun intended)
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Old 05-13-2015, 05:47 PM
 
797 posts, read 990,238 times
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Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
What a horrible way to look at this.

Funerals are closure for the grieving.

What a great thing to do for the people that love you.

Just leave them hanging.
Closure comes in many different shapes and forms. In fact I have been discussing my wishes with family members that have an issue with my wishes. They've all admitted that funerals do not give them closure and actually add an immense amount of stress and are costly; they're more concerned about how it'll "look" if they don't throw a funeral. They're more concerned about societal pressure because it's been engrained in them that this is what you do.

I know personally when I have lost someone and had to arrange a funeral that I was so numb, upset, and going through the motions of estate planning. The funerals added no closure. It often took years to feel that sense of peace/closure. For one of my deceased family members I still don't feel a sense of closure and it's been years. I know that day will come eventually, but hosting a funeral offered no closure for me whatsoever (and many family members agreed)
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Old 05-13-2015, 07:17 PM
 
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I don't want a memorial, an obituary, or any kind of service at all. Never have. Just cremation, throw out the ashes. Both of my parents wanted this, and I'm glad they did.

To me, the body is just the husk, the machine in which our soul resides while it's here. The body is not the person, so it means nothing to me. If anything, a funeral or memorial service unpleasantly heightens my grieving process.
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Old 05-13-2015, 07:37 PM
 
797 posts, read 990,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tobiashen View Post
I don't want a memorial, an obituary, or any kind of service at all. Never have. Just cremation, throw out the ashes. Both of my parents wanted this, and I'm glad they did.

To me, the body is just the husk, the machine in which our soul resides while it's here. The body is not the person, so it means nothing to me. If anything, a funeral or memorial service unpleasantly heightens my grieving process.

Absolutely agree. I recall my poor grandmother being forced to attend my uncle's wake and funeral. She was in no position to be mingling and chatting with people but that's what you wind up doing when people come to pay their respects for your son's passing. The anxiety of dealing with being out of her comfort zone and being forced to listen to strangers talk about her son set her over the edge and she has dealt with panic attacks and depression ever since. She (and her therapist) credit it due to being forced to grieve on other people's terms. Had she been able to stay home, grieve in private, and not be forced to see all the people of her son's past that reminded her of my uncle until SHE was ready to do so, she may have been able to pull through without such psychological repercussions. Sadly my aunt was the executor of my uncle's estate and she organized all the events and gave my grandmother grief for not wanting to attend (she wasn't mentally ready to deal with it, considering my aunt planned everything for 2 days after his passing). In previous situations where my grandmother was the executor, she mourned for a good week (or longer) after the passing before there was a funeral and even then it was very small, private, and without a wake (she doesn't do well with being forced to directly interact with others while mourning). But when my uncle passed she was forced into the motions because of the societal pressures (my aunt kept saying "what kind of mother doesn't attend her own son's funeral?" or "what will people think when they don't see you there?" Or "what are we supposed to tell people when they ask where you are?"). Instead of respecting that everyone grieves differently, my aunt relied on the whole "well it's normal and customary to have a funeral" thing to pressure my grandmother. It makes me so sad especially considering my uncle would have loved it if my aunt honored my grandmother's wishes.

So much added stress all for what? So ridiculous
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Old 05-13-2015, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
19,005 posts, read 10,047,592 times
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Funerals are for the living. You are not going to be in a position to care. So let the people who survive you handle things in the way that is meaningful and brings comfort to them.
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Old 05-13-2015, 10:10 PM
 
797 posts, read 990,238 times
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Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
Funerals are for the living. You are not going to be in a position to care. So let the people who survive you handle things in the way that is meaningful and brings comfort to them.
Taking money away from my children to pay for a frivolous funeral is wasteful and detrimental to my kids though. I am sure my husband will honor my wishes but if he passes away before I do then I want to make sure my family will be respectful of my wishes. Perhaps they can use their own finances to pay for my funeral expenses if it is so important to them. I just don't want it affecting what my children are left with.
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Old 05-13-2015, 10:12 PM
 
797 posts, read 990,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
Funerals are for the living. You are not going to be in a position to care. So let the people who survive you handle things in the way that is meaningful and brings comfort to them.
My uncle's funeral cost just shy of $20k. I cringe thinking about how over the top my family goes. They won't do a "bare minimum" type service either. They are very much about keeping up with the status quo and care highly what people think of them. If they have any say in it I will be lucky if my wishes are honored at all
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Old 05-14-2015, 02:03 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,714 posts, read 21,770,674 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
The disposition of your remains would be up to your husband - if he outlives you. What your family may decide to do apart from what he does he can't control, and you will be dead - so why get your shorts in a knot about something you will be totally unaware of.

Given your strong feelings, I think your concern should be how to get your wishes carried out if you outlive your husband. They may be a way to appoint someone to handle the final disposition of your corpse...maybe you should spend some time looking into that contingency.
I used to tell my mother that she'd take what she was given because she wouldn't be able to argue about it. She didn't like that.

She did get the inexpensive cremation she wanted. She wanted nothing else. The family decided to have a small, informal gathering in the day room of her church. Sorry mom.

Newenglander, my mother's cremation cost less than a thousand dollars. It could have cost less, but the crematorium was in another city over an hour away and we had to pay for transportation.
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Old 05-14-2015, 02:25 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,509 posts, read 11,489,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
The disposition of your remains would be up to your husband - if he outlives you. What your family may decide to do apart from what he does he can't control, and you will be dead - so why get your shorts in a knot about something you will be totally unaware of.

Given your strong feelings, I think your concern should be how to get your wishes carried out if you outlive your husband. They may be a way to appoint someone to handle the final disposition of your corpse...maybe you should spend some time looking into that contingency.
Dont agree it should be the person alone who says what way he or she should be disposed of.... IM sick hearing of very expensive funerals with a breakdown on what is done and costs.. my mother died a year after her husband my stepdad they were buried from the same funeral parlour with all the same bumf.. and guess what my mums who was a year later was 30 cheaper... so something is very wrong if they vary from one year to the next.. its a total ripoff.. the catch people at their most vulnerable sad time to show them caskets or coffins, flowers and cars.. and with a sad sympathetic face they say.....And of course you ll want only the best for your mother....... Heartsring blackmail is all it is... throw me in a cardboard box and bury me in the countryside or whatever.. no hearse (hate them) just a van, no mourners, flowers or stones..
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:26 AM
 
Location: The Couve
164 posts, read 179,741 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
Newenglander, my mother's cremation cost less than a thousand dollars. It could have cost less, but the crematorium was in another city over an hour away and we had to pay for transportation.
Both of my parents prepaid their own cremation. Each was around $900 and there were no surprise additional expenses. My mother went first and her obit said the family would be having a private celebration of life at a future time. My mom's friends arranged all of this and came over to my Dad's house for the afternoon. Everybody got through this OK. My Dad did not want a service. What was left of our family at that point didn't really care to have something official. We had several small gathering in the weeks following his death. Having the arrangements made in advance really helped especially for my Dad as his death came more suddenly than expected.
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