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Old 05-14-2015, 07:44 AM
 
733 posts, read 606,536 times
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I thought I agreed, until my mother died. We suddenly didn't want to do the "no funeral, get-rid-of-body cheap" method. So, we had a funeral with all the trimmings. And I'm glad we did. So many stood and spoke at her funeral, who had not been in contact for 50 years or more. It was very healing. People remembered her, spoke of her when a young woman. So I think I'll make a plan, but leave it to my son to do as HE wants. Life is for the living...
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:52 AM
 
Location: Dallas
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Funeral expenses mean big bucks for the funeral industry. When my mother passed, my dad spent close to $15,000 on her funeral. Because she had been severely debilitated by a stroke for 13 years, all their "friends" had fallen away and most of the relatives were long gone from this earth. The wake and funeral were attended by less than a dozen people. What a waste of money. I personally think it was because my father had made the decision to withhold treatment after a particularly severe stroke that left my mom in a coma, and I know he felt guilty. Providing my mother with the best of everything was probably a way to assuage his guilt, even though he had nothing to feel guilty about IMO. He had been caretaker for her for all those years - a far greater gift to her than a fancy coffin and all the trimmings.

I am in agreement with OP's feelings. I don't want any funeral, memorial service or burial. I have made it clear to both my sons that they are to go with the cheapest, easiest way to dispose of my body, and they were not to think their choices were disrespectful. I'd much rather whatever I can leave to them monetarily actually goes to them and not some overpriced funeral home.

IMO the body is a shell that only serves it's purpose to house a spirit. When the body fails, it is of no use. A bunch of people standing around looking at my corpse talking about whether or not the funeral home did "a good job" serves no purpose.
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Old 05-14-2015, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,330 posts, read 1,979,680 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
We just went through the two day funeral thing for an elderly cousin. That made my sister come to her senses and decide that cremation was the way to go. That is what I want for myself.

It was sad because the deceased oldest daughter could not afford to fly back for the funeral. She was there for the few days before the mom expired, and had just flown back home. Then to turn around and do it all over again?

Well, I don't really know if it was finances, or just sheer exhaustion. We were not even immediate family and we were exhausted from attending all the "events".
That's what happened to my cousin... Flew in from Calgary, Alberta to Windsor Ontario to see my uncle when he was ill...he flew back and the next day uncle died and he came all the way back....
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Old 05-14-2015, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
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I was at a funeral a few years back and the priest didn't make any announcement about the luncheon...never mind it was 10am....some woman came up to me with her 2 cohorts and asked me kind of miffed.. "Do you know where the luncheon is?"" They didn't announce it"... I felt like saying...GO home and scramble a couple eggs... I didn't know and didn't care..my dad had passed away a week before and I just wanted to go home... Feeding people isn't a given.... Later I found out just the immediate family went somewhere alone....
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Old 05-14-2015, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
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You are dead. Why would you care?
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Old 05-14-2015, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
19,045 posts, read 10,073,270 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seasick View Post
I thought I agreed, until my mother died. We suddenly didn't want to do the "no funeral, get-rid-of-body cheap" method. So, we had a funeral with all the trimmings. And I'm glad we did. So many stood and spoke at her funeral, who had not been in contact for 50 years or more. It was very healing. People remembered her, spoke of her when a young woman. So I think I'll make a plan, but leave it to my son to do as HE wants. Life is for the living...
This. We had a similar experience for my dad's memorial service - people flew in from all over the country, and it was really a wonderful experience and very comforting for us.

I'm not sure I'll even bother to express a preference for myself, whatever my son wants to do is what I want.
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Old 05-14-2015, 12:42 PM
 
4,542 posts, read 4,470,711 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Newenglander0000 View Post
When I die I want the least amount of money spent on me. I want my body donated to science and if that isn't an option then I want a "green burial" (for those unfamiliar with that, this is what it is Green Burials,...Return Naturally )

I loathe the funeral business and their outrageous costs. Even a creamation can cost upwards of $3500! I also feel that funerals and wakes are for the living, not the dead. If people want to mourn my passing then that is fine but to pay an exorbitant amount just to have it immediately preceding my death at a funeral home just seems insane. I really want my family to have time to grieve, sort out finances and whatnot, then remember me how they want- whether it be a small get together at a family member's home, going out to eat at a restaurant, listening to my favorite songs, watching a favorite movie of mine, or (ideally this is what I want people to do) to go on a vacation and relax and enjoy time with each other by living in the moment and appreciating our time on earth. I feel using money (and time/effort) on my suggestions versus holding a funeral or wake is a better alternative.

Personally I don't like the idea of forcing people that otherwise wouldn't socialize to meet up after my passing and cry and mourn like that. I also feel that people shouldn't feel obligated (due to societal pressure that comes with knowing someone you were once close with passed away) to "pay respects" especially if said people weren't actively in my life. I feel like friends and people come and go in life and that is part of what makes our life unique and special. But just because we worked together 8 years ago or because we went to high school together doesn't mean I want you to be mourning my death in the presence of my family and friends. I especially don't want people that weren't in my life (I have family members that are real jerks!) suddenly showing up like they care. I am a firm believer in making every day count- if I am important to you then you'll make time for me in your life (and vice versa in regards to how I feel towards my friends). I have never been a fan of funerals or wakes.

My husband is completely on board with this. He wants the same for himself when his time comes. The problem is that I expressed my wishes to family and they are livid. They are telling my husband that if he were to honor my wishes that they'd go behind his back and plan a memorial service in my honor and have a "proper" wake. What the heck! Why can't they just be respectful of what *I* would want? Which also happens to be what my husband is most comfortable with as well.


What are your thoughts?
If your parents are alive then you should respect their wishes too. I can only imagine if I had a married child died and a non-blood relative AKA the spouse decides to throw my kid in a compost heap to save a few bucks how pissed I would be.
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Old 05-14-2015, 12:43 PM
 
797 posts, read 992,892 times
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Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
You are dead. Why would you care?

The funeral costs would take away money from my children
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Old 05-14-2015, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
19,045 posts, read 10,073,270 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Newenglander0000 View Post
The funeral costs would take away money from my children
But what if a funeral provides comfort to your children?

Yes, my mom spent a fair amount of money on all the arrangements for my dad. But it was what she and the rest of us wanted to do and we all consider it money well spent and were grateful that we were able to make the choices we wanted.
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Old 05-14-2015, 12:46 PM
 
797 posts, read 992,892 times
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Originally Posted by SandyJet View Post
If your parents are alive then you should respect their wishes too. I can only imagine if I had a married child died and a non-blood relative AKA the spouse decides to throw my kid in a compost heap to save a few bucks how pissed I would be.
Unfortunately I don't have life insurance and due to existing medical conditions I cannot get life insurance. So all I have is measley savings. I want what little money I have going to my kids. Unfortunately it isn't a matter of a few bucks. I called a few places today and the cheapest creamation is $3000. When you have nothing else to leave your children, that is quite significant. Not to mention most funerals around here run at least $8500 (but most funerals I have attended ran upwards of $15k)
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