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Old 05-14-2015, 12:48 PM
 
797 posts, read 990,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
But what if a funeral provides comfort to your children?

Yes, my mom spent a fair amount of money on all the arrangements for my dad. But it was what she and the rest of us wanted to do and we all consider it money well spent and were grateful that we were able to make the choices we wanted.
If it provides comfort for my children and someone else is willing to pay for it then that's fine by me. It isn't necessary and not what I want but if it doesn't affect what little savings my husband and I have to leave our kids then that is fine. I have medical conditions that disqualified me from getting life insurance.
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Old 05-14-2015, 01:13 PM
 
797 posts, read 990,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyJet View Post
If your parents are alive then you should respect their wishes too. I can only imagine if I had a married child died and a non-blood relative AKA the spouse decides to throw my kid in a compost heap to save a few bucks how pissed I would be.
Also I do feel that the mentality of throwing a body "in a compost heap" as being lesser than being buried in a coffin 6 ft under as a perfect example of how the funeral industry has been able to persuade people into using the funeral industry & as being the "right" thing to do. At the end of the day your body decomposes in the ground. Wasting $$$ on the bells and whistles (casket, funeral, wake, etc) takes money away from my kids. Even a creamation takes $$$ away from my kids. Plus both creamation and traditional burial aren't as good for the environment. If I had a good life insurance plan and we had more $$$ than we do, I probably wouldn't think much of it. However when you don't have much to leave your loved ones the idea of the money hungry funeral industry ripping off my family makes me upset.
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Old 05-14-2015, 01:33 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,435 posts, read 18,150,188 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyJet View Post
If your parents are alive then you should respect their wishes too. I can only imagine if I had a married child died and a non-blood relative AKA the spouse decides to throw my kid in a compost heap to save a few bucks how pissed I would be.
Your son is not there anymore. That was just the "container" for his soul. "Dust to dust. Ashes to ashes." Why make such a big deal out of the body? No one is home anymore. We, as a society, need to get a better grip on death and its aftermath.
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Old 05-14-2015, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,706 posts, read 21,760,954 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Llep View Post
Both of my parents prepaid their own cremation. Each was around $900 and there were no surprise additional expenses. My mother went first and her obit said the family would be having a private celebration of life at a future time. My mom's friends arranged all of this and came over to my Dad's house for the afternoon. Everybody got through this OK. My Dad did not want a service. What was left of our family at that point didn't really care to have something official. We had several small gathering in the weeks following his death. Having the arrangements made in advance really helped especially for my Dad as his death came more suddenly than expected.
My mother prepaid her cremation, but she didn't know it. When she was in hospice with little time left, my niece, nephew and I sat in the visitor's kitchen and made the arrangements. I had POA and paid for it from her account. I didn't involve my narcissistic brother or overwrought sister. My dad had been gone for years, so that wasn't an issue. Mom had told me what she wanted and asked me to be in charge. I did what she wanted me to do.
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Old 05-14-2015, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,706 posts, read 21,760,954 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyJet View Post
If your parents are alive then you should respect their wishes too. I can only imagine if I had a married child died and a non-blood relative AKA the spouse decides to throw my kid in a compost heap to save a few bucks how pissed I would be.
It's a cremation or green burial. It's not without dignity or respect. It's not the aftermath of a mafia hit where you might be thrown to the pigs, dumped in the river or buried in a shallow grave. Fifteen thousand dollars is a lot of money to someone who doesn't have it to spend. Would you suggest his family go without dental care or foreclose on a home because of this expense?
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Old 05-14-2015, 02:40 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
2,298 posts, read 1,670,134 times
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I really agree and my dad has asked me and my mom to not have a funeral but for him to be cremated and have a "ceremony" just closest family outdoors then cookout.

I dont like the stuffy funeral thing and would prefer to not have one either both to be frugal and also unnecessary IMO.
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Old 05-14-2015, 05:15 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,317 posts, read 4,441,107 times
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Friendly PSA here: Especially since most seem not to care what they do with your body, please be an organ donor.
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Old 05-14-2015, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,330 posts, read 1,977,607 times
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I have had that on my license since 1976!!!
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Old 05-14-2015, 06:51 PM
 
953 posts, read 605,831 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Newenglander0000 View Post
Being donated to medical science is one way to do that, but I've read that they only accept bodies if the person meets a criteria set forth by a research study..
Just because they might not be able to transplant your organs to someone, doesn't mean your body isn't used for medicine.

It might sound a little morbid, but cadaver surgeries are done in medical school -- your body might be used to teach medical students.
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Old 05-14-2015, 06:58 PM
 
2,721 posts, read 3,231,728 times
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Default Astonishing,

I couldn't agree with you more....newenglander. Great topic. In fact I have never agreed with a post more since I joined this forum in 2007. It is as though the general public is preyed upon by these folks. When and if I go, I do not even want to be mourned, just forget it.
The hoopla surrounding death is quite overdone and dramatized. I want no part of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Newenglander0000 View Post
When I die I want the least amount of money spent on me. I want my body donated to science and if that isn't an option then I want a "green burial" (for those unfamiliar with that, this is what it is Green Burials,...Return Naturally )

I loathe the funeral business and their outrageous costs. Even a creamation can cost upwards of $3500! I also feel that funerals and wakes are for the living, not the dead. If people want to mourn my passing then that is fine but to pay an exorbitant amount just to have it immediately preceding my death at a funeral home just seems insane. I really want my family to have time to grieve, sort out finances and whatnot, then remember me how they want- whether it be a small get together at a family member's home, going out to eat at a restaurant, listening to my favorite songs, watching a favorite movie of mine, or (ideally this is what I want people to do) to go on a vacation and relax and enjoy time with each other by living in the moment and appreciating our time on earth. I feel using money (and time/effort) on my suggestions versus holding a funeral or wake is a better alternative.

Personally I don't like the idea of forcing people that otherwise wouldn't socialize to meet up after my passing and cry and mourn like that. I also feel that people shouldn't feel obligated (due to societal pressure that comes with knowing someone you were once close with passed away) to "pay respects" especially if said people weren't actively in my life. I feel like friends and people come and go in life and that is part of what makes our life unique and special. But just because we worked together 8 years ago or because we went to high school together doesn't mean I want you to be mourning my death in the presence of my family and friends. I especially don't want people that weren't in my life (I have family members that are real jerks!) suddenly showing up like they care. I am a firm believer in making every day count- if I am important to you then you'll make time for me in your life (and vice versa in regards to how I feel towards my friends). I have never been a fan of funerals or wakes.

My husband is completely on board with this. He wants the same for himself when his time comes. The problem is that I expressed my wishes to family and they are livid. They are telling my husband that if he were to honor my wishes that they'd go behind his back and plan a memorial service in my honor and have a "proper" wake. What the heck! Why can't they just be respectful of what *I* would want? Which also happens to be what my husband is most comfortable with as well.


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