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I admit that I haven't read through all of the posts on this thread, but here is my take:
Funerals and burials, etc. are for the people who are left behind. It's not for you. You're dead. You won't care either way. For the people left behind, the ceremony, the chance to mourn in public and say good-bye, is very important. Please don't underestimate the value of a funeral or a wake.
My father died in February; my stepmom had him cremated and except for an obituary that ran in their local paper, that was it. My brother and I went to help clear out my dad's things a few weeks later at my stepmom's request, and that was the only closure we got. I do understand why she chose not to have a funeral; maybe five people would have shown up (his siblings were too old to travel, and they didn't have many friends still alive), but it's the idea of giving tribute to someone special to you.
If you have the money, don't try to stop your family from doing this. Although it's about you (you're the "guest of honor"!), it's not really about you. Although I know that these places are incredibly expensive ("extortion" comes to mind!), they provide an important service.
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,352 posts, read 2,823,177 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
I think you are overestimating the value of 10 or 15 grand. That sum of money isn't going to make any difference in your kids life. None really. Don't have a funeral because you don't want one. But that small amount of money is meaningless in the scheme of things. And in fact, the silly week that takes place after you die is another meaningless blip on the radar. Your life has value to you and only while you are here. Once you are off, your memory will quickly fade into the great miasma. I'd stop worrying about the death thing and concentrate on living well. Dwelling on death wastes precious life.
Well...I beg to differ....as someone who got $16,000 when my mom died suddenly in 2005, it helped me for 9 years, when I had to spend the last $8,000 LAST year on acreage we HAD to buy or else....It is the only money I ever got from a relative and will ever get and I made the most of it for all those years...I felt like I could breathe..we didn't even know she had anything to leave...we never talked money...and it as a total surprise to get it....
My wife and I have donated our bodies to the local medical college. They pick up the remain within 24 hours of death. They also have a once a year service for those that did this.
In our case the remaining person will have a "memorial" service a week or so later. For me, I want drinking and laughter. No religion. For my wife, I will have some religious person say a few words as her family would expect that but there also will be drinking and laughter and she would like that.
I do know someone who did this but the college would only go so far to get the body thus his family had to ship the body (FL to MA) to the college
I admit that I haven't read through all of the posts on this thread, but here is my take:
Funerals and burials, etc. are for the people who are left behind. It's not for you. You're dead. You won't care either way. For the people left behind, the ceremony, the chance to mourn in public and say good-bye, is very important. Please don't underestimate the value of a funeral or a wake.
My father died in February; my stepmom had him cremated and except for an obituary that ran in their local paper, that was it. My brother and I went to help clear out my dad's things a few weeks later at my stepmom's request, and that was the only closure we got. I do understand why she chose not to have a funeral; maybe five people would have shown up (his siblings were too old to travel, and they didn't have many friends still alive), but it's the idea of giving tribute to someone special to you.
If you have the money, don't try to stop your family from doing this. Although it's about you (you're the "guest of honor"!), it's not really about you. Although I know that these places are incredibly expensive ("extortion" comes to mind!), they provide an important service.
So sorry about your dad's passing . I understand you feel you didn't get closure from lack of memorial services, but that is how YOU grieve. Not everyone grieves the same. I know my grandmother and husband would be better off without attending any kind of services, and most likely my kids as well (they're too young to say now...). Like I said though- if I was eligible for life insurance and if I had money to leave my kids I would be more than happy to say "do what you want" when in reality I have basically nothing to leave my kids. What I do have to leave them I don't want spent on funeral arrangements and quite frankly I feel it is irresponsible for a family member to waste that money on funeral services because it is what helps them feel better. I am the type of person that loathes funerals and they actually make me feel worse instead of giving closure. Everyone grieves differently. I am sure my kids would be much more grateful for the little money I have to leave rather than looking back and knowing the money was wasted on making a funeral home richer.
For all the people who don't care what your family does with your body... Do you have a huge life insurance policy?! Or a lot of money??
I cannot imagine taking money away from my kids to spend on funeral expenses but then again perhaps that is because we are poor lol
If my family decide that spending the money makes them feel better, then they should do that. I have let it be known I want a cremation in a plywood box, and everything else is their choice.
Gathering together shortly after a death is very helpful with grief.
When I die I want the least amount of money spent on me. I want my body donated to science
I didn't read all of the responses, so this may have been mentioned. If so, I apologize.
If you want to donate your body to science, you have to make arrangements ahead of time - start looking for schools in your area, take the yes off your license if you put you will donate your organs (you can't do both) and get the paperwork done ahead of time. There will be no time for it to be fought because the institution you are donating to will be notified within an hour of your death.
IMO your life, your death, your choice. I am donating as well, and IF they feel like there are people who would be offended without some type of acknowledgement, my family all know that they can have - if they must - a celebration of life party and really, just share good memories and make a new one with whoever attends.
Could I borrow fifteen thousand?
Really need it because I am still quite alive. Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
I think you are overestimating the value of 10 or 15 grand. That sum of money isn't going to make any difference in your kids life. None really. Don't have a funeral because you don't want one. But that small amount of money is meaningless in the scheme of things. And in fact, the silly week that takes place after you die is another meaningless blip on the radar. Your life has value to you and only while you are here. Once you are off, your memory will quickly fade into the great miasma. I'd stop worrying about the death thing and concentrate on living well. Dwelling on death wastes precious life.
I have no plan for my death, so for now it is only an if, If is the middle word of life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delahanty
...if you go?
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Although I know that these places are incredibly expensive ("extortion" comes to mind!), they provide an important service.
. I understand you feel you didn't get closure from lack of memorial services, but that is how YOU grieve. Not everyone grieves the same. I know my grandmother and husband would be better off without attending any kind of services, and most likely my kids as well (they're too young to say now...). Like I said though- if I was eligible for life insurance and if I had money to leave my kids I would be more than happy to say "do what you want" when in reality I have basically nothing to leave my kids. What I do have to leave them I don't want spent on funeral arrangements and quite frankly I feel it is irresponsible for a family member to waste that money on funeral services because it is what helps them feel better. I am the type of person that loathes funerals and they actually make me feel worse instead of giving closure. Everyone grieves differently. I am sure my kids would be much more grateful for the little money I have to leave rather than looking back and knowing the money was wasted on making a funeral home richer.
Underestimation of $15,000.00,
