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Old 05-12-2015, 09:10 PM
 
797 posts, read 988,532 times
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When I die I want the least amount of money spent on me. I want my body donated to science and if that isn't an option then I want a "green burial" (for those unfamiliar with that, this is what it is Green Burials,...Return Naturally )

I loathe the funeral business and their outrageous costs. Even a creamation can cost upwards of $3500! I also feel that funerals and wakes are for the living, not the dead. If people want to mourn my passing then that is fine but to pay an exorbitant amount just to have it immediately preceding my death at a funeral home just seems insane. I really want my family to have time to grieve, sort out finances and whatnot, then remember me how they want- whether it be a small get together at a family member's home, going out to eat at a restaurant, listening to my favorite songs, watching a favorite movie of mine, or (ideally this is what I want people to do) to go on a vacation and relax and enjoy time with each other by living in the moment and appreciating our time on earth. I feel using money (and time/effort) on my suggestions versus holding a funeral or wake is a better alternative.

Personally I don't like the idea of forcing people that otherwise wouldn't socialize to meet up after my passing and cry and mourn like that. I also feel that people shouldn't feel obligated (due to societal pressure that comes with knowing someone you were once close with passed away) to "pay respects" especially if said people weren't actively in my life. I feel like friends and people come and go in life and that is part of what makes our life unique and special. But just because we worked together 8 years ago or because we went to high school together doesn't mean I want you to be mourning my death in the presence of my family and friends. I especially don't want people that weren't in my life (I have family members that are real jerks!) suddenly showing up like they care. I am a firm believer in making every day count- if I am important to you then you'll make time for me in your life (and vice versa in regards to how I feel towards my friends). I have never been a fan of funerals or wakes.

My husband is completely on board with this. He wants the same for himself when his time comes. The problem is that I expressed my wishes to family and they are livid. They are telling my husband that if he were to honor my wishes that they'd go behind his back and plan a memorial service in my honor and have a "proper" wake. What the heck! Why can't they just be respectful of what *I* would want? Which also happens to be what my husband is most comfortable with as well.


What are your thoughts?
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Old 05-12-2015, 09:50 PM
 
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,330 posts, read 1,975,987 times
Reputation: 10245
I AM WITH YOU...all the way......although my relatives which consist of my sister, husband(who wants the same thing) and son... are fine with it...

We already have our plans drawn out just like what you wrote....rather have the money go to my kid...


Body farm - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This is an option too.....
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Old 05-12-2015, 10:00 PM
 
797 posts, read 988,532 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by linda814 View Post
I AM WITH YOU...all the way......although my relatives which consist of my sister, husband(who wants the same thing) and son... are fine with it...

We already have our plans drawn out just like what you wrote....rather have the money go to my kid...


Body farm - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This is an option too.....
Completely agree. I'm not one to keep up with the Jones and I could care less what people think of me after I am dead. I don't understand why people spend thousands on embalming and burials. Such a huge waste of money! With children I just don't understand why I wouldn't want the $4k that would be spent on creamation to go towards my kids or medical bills or living expenses, etc. Ideally I want my family and friends to think of me whenever they indulge in things that make them happy. I see so many people in my life with regrets, miserable, and generally unhappy. I don't want that! Life is so short!

I have contemplated whether or not I even want an obituary published. I didn't want our engagement or marriage published for public knowledge why would I want my death published, do you know what I mean?
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Old 05-13-2015, 04:36 AM
 
3,936 posts, read 5,446,580 times
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I do know what you mean. I would probably rather the city post just the death notice, so people wouldn't come up to my family later and say "How in the world is your mom? I haven't seen her in ages!" I can just see my daughter start sobbing and say "Neither have I, she died 3 years ago!"
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Old 05-13-2015, 04:59 AM
 
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,330 posts, read 1,975,987 times
Reputation: 10245
Quote:
Originally Posted by Newenglander0000 View Post
Completely agree. I'm not one to keep up with the Jones and I could care less what people think of me after I am dead. I don't understand why people spend thousands on embalming and burials. Such a huge waste of money! With children I just don't understand why I wouldn't want the $4k that would be spent on creamation to go towards my kids or medical bills or living expenses, etc. Ideally I want my family and friends to think of me whenever they indulge in things that make them happy. I see so many people in my life with regrets, miserable, and generally unhappy. I don't want that! Life is so short!

I have contemplated whether or not I even want an obituary published. I didn't want our engagement or marriage published for public knowledge why would I want my death published, do you know what I mean?
Yes I do......I get it all.....Coming from a Catholic family whose mom's side always did the 2 day 2 pm to 9 pm visitation..then the mass......My aunt took offense at our choice of how we handled it when my mom passed suddenly....no visitation.....1day at the funeral home...her priest was busy so we had the default priest the funeral home employs.....he didn't know her....said some things and everybody went home.....she was cremated and her ashes weren't ready so we RENTED an Urn...for $400 which was ridiculous in my mind but we did it....just going through the motions of planning that was enough for my sister and I.....it's not about the money really.....My sister will have trouble with her husband if she goes before him....he's the casket...flowers 2 day, luncheon after kind of guy.....that's fine...but not when she doesn't want it....
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Old 05-13-2015, 10:05 AM
 
5,537 posts, read 4,378,162 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by linda814 View Post
Yes I do......I get it all.....Coming from a Catholic family whose mom's side always did the 2 day 2 pm to 9 pm visitation..then the mass......My aunt took offense at our choice of how we handled it when my mom passed suddenly....no visitation.....1day at the funeral home...her priest was busy so we had the default priest the funeral home employs.....he didn't know her....said some things and everybody went home.....she was cremated and her ashes weren't ready so we RENTED an Urn...for $400 which was ridiculous in my mind but we did it....just going through the motions of planning that was enough for my sister and I.....it's not about the money really.....My sister will have trouble with her husband if she goes before him....he's the casket...flowers 2 day, luncheon after kind of guy.....that's fine...but not when she doesn't want it....
We just went through the two day funeral thing for an elderly cousin. That made my sister come to her senses and decide that cremation was the way to go. That is what I want for myself.

It was sad because the deceased oldest daughter could not afford to fly back for the funeral. She was there for the few days before the mom expired, and had just flown back home. Then to turn around and do it all over again?

Well, I don't really know if it was finances, or just sheer exhaustion. We were not even immediate family and we were exhausted from attending all the "events".
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Old 05-13-2015, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Ocean Shores, WA
5,082 posts, read 12,577,145 times
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We use a body disposal company that contracts with a local mortuary.
They do all the paperwork, pick up the carcass, burn it, and dispose of the ashes.
There is no funeral or other rituals.
It costs about $1500 per body.
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Old 05-13-2015, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,577 posts, read 4,780,727 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Newenglander0000 View Post
Completely agree. I'm not one to keep up with the Jones and I could care less what people think of me after I am dead. I don't understand why people spend thousands on embalming and burials. Such a huge waste of money! With children I just don't understand why I wouldn't want the $4k that would be spent on creamation to go towards my kids or medical bills or living expenses, etc. Ideally I want my family and friends to think of me whenever they indulge in things that make them happy. I see so many people in my life with regrets, miserable, and generally unhappy. I don't want that! Life is so short!

I have contemplated whether or not I even want an obituary published. I didn't want our engagement or marriage published for public knowledge why would I want my death published, do you know what I mean?
You sound paranoid.

People should have an obituary if only to save the family some embarrassing moments.
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Old 05-13-2015, 02:35 PM
 
797 posts, read 988,532 times
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Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
You sound paranoid.

People should have an obituary if only to save the family some embarrassing moments.
Not paranoid at all. Just a private person that loathes the "look at me" self seeking attention that most of my peers are accustomed to. Husband and I don't have social media sites. If we want you to know we are married or what is going on in our lives (such as one of us passed away), then we will tell you.

It really isn't embarrassing. I can't even tell you how many times I've run into someone and asked them how ___ was doing just to find out that person passed away. And you know what? That person had an obituary, funeral, etc... It happens. Whether or not my family is embarrassed is dependent upon themselves. I know that I wouldn't be embarrassed if I explained that my hubby passed and that we didn't announce it. But that's me. I suppose if they really felt compelled to publish an obituary then that's their prerogative however it is not my wishes that they do so.
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Old 05-13-2015, 02:59 PM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,074,643 times
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The disposition of your remains would be up to your husband - if he outlives you. What your family may decide to do apart from what he does he can't control, and you will be dead - so why get your shorts in a knot about something you will be totally unaware of.

Given your strong feelings, I think your concern should be how to get your wishes carried out if you outlive your husband. They may be a way to appoint someone to handle the final disposition of your corpse...maybe you should spend some time looking into that contingency.
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