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Old 04-02-2016, 07:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34
A friend of mine does this. Is this a typical thing people do to talk about their loved ones all the time that has passed many years ago.? She always talk about how she misses them and how things aren't the same without them. Including a cat that she had.
Ahhhhhh thats sad................ She really loves them and doesnt wanna forget them!!


I feel bad for this situation
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Old 04-03-2016, 04:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
My husband passed away almost six years ago, but I still deeply grieve and cry for him at the drop of a hat. My life is very full. I'm the VP of my Home Owner's Association, on two committees, lead the Book Club every week (so I also read a lot), am a seamstress, and travel a bit. My son lives nearby and I have pets. I have lots of friends, and if I talk about my husband, my friends are very understanding.

I think the OP's friend copes with her grief by talking about her loss. Sometimes, when you talk out your feelings, it helps you accept their loss, or at least keep the person you lost close in your heart. Sometimes it takes years, even a lifetime to ever dome to grips with your losses.

Sorry, if I wasn't clear. My post was primarily thinking of the reference to a cat who died. It's certainly more "normal" to mourn a spouse than a cat.

Also, the sad thing is that most people really don't want to hear a person talk about their dead. It makes listeners uncomfortable - and, frankly, it's boring to most people. It's even worse than people who talk incessantly about how cute their kids are. When I had deaths in my family, I tried very hard not to talk long-term about my loss to most people because anyone with half an eye could have told that they just don't want to hear it. I'm glad you feel your friends are understanding, but it wouldn't surprise me if they secretly wished you'd cut back. When I talk about the deceased people I miss, I talk about them in terms of funny or interesting anecdotes, not in terms of my grief.

And, lastly, although you certainly have my sympathy, in my experience it's not the norm years later to still be crying "at the drop of a hat." I cry, too, even after many years. But I cry when something specific triggers it, not at the drop of a hat.
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Old 04-04-2016, 10:13 PM
 
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I never was the same since my mother died - but I learned, sadly, that after those first few weeks, no one really cares. There is complicated grief, where the person gets "stuck" and does not progress to heal. This is a new theory that is only just starting to be recognized in the psychiatric community.
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Old 04-05-2016, 11:08 AM
 
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I think it's entirely possible to never get over the loss in that you'll never be THAT happy again. Maybe you will, but maybe you won't; depends on the person and what that person meant to you. Most people seem to move on with life and find someone else to become their love object -- some don't even seem too selective about that and any warm body will do -- but others will just remain alone and be "less happy." That's not a willful thing or self-defeating; it's that not just anyone will do. I personally believe you're less happy if you're not loved and loving. Of course you can fill your days with other things and keep busy, but you never "get over" the loss in that it's really irreplaceable, and life is never the same.

Last edited by otterhere; 04-05-2016 at 11:19 AM..
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Old 04-05-2016, 11:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eeko156 View Post
I never was the same since my mother died - but I learned, sadly, that after those first few weeks, no one really cares. There is complicated grief, where the person gets "stuck" and does not progress to heal. This is a new theory that is only just starting to be recognized in the psychiatric community.
Well, these days, you're considered "stuck" if you're not also ready to forget all about the deceased after a week. Remember when we used to observe a full year of mourning? Wearing BLACK? It takes time, and sometimes even time doesn't do it... I don't think it's a psychiatric disorder, necessarily...

Last edited by otterhere; 04-05-2016 at 11:19 AM..
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Old 04-05-2016, 11:35 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Well, these days, you're considered "stuck" if you're not also ready to forget all about the deceased after a week. Remember when we used to observe a full year of mourning? Wearing BLACK? It takes time, and sometimes even time doesn't do it... I don't think it's a psychiatric disorder, necessarily...
I believe complicated grief has officially been recognized under the DSM and it is certainly not a week. I have to look it up, though. And it's not "getting over" someone - it is defined as an inability to not be able to move forward, to become immobilized after an appropriate amount of time has passed.
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Old 04-05-2016, 11:45 AM
 
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The "Bereavement Exclusion" has been eliminated from the DSM V, as it was "shunting" patients whose MDD (major depressive disorder) was basically being ignored and chalked up to the grief process where the assumption was made that they would ultimately improve.

Bereavement and the DSM-5, One Last Time | Psychiatric Times
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Old 04-05-2016, 11:58 AM
 
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I don't doubt that DSM has declared something a mental disorder, but I also don't personally believe that one child out of every three today is "autistic"; if so, something is really wrong...


As for grief, I think that some people and lives will never be the same -- or as good -- after a loss. Whether or not that's pathological is probably a matter of opinion.
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Old 04-05-2016, 01:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
I don't doubt that DSM has declared something a mental disorder, but I also don't personally believe that one child out of every three today is "autistic"; if so, something is really wrong...


As for grief, I think that some people and lives will never be the same -- or as good -- after a loss. Whether or not that's pathological is probably a matter of opinion.

DSM puts bereavement under MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). There is no separate DSM code for bereavement. Unfortunately, a lot of people weren't getting the attention and/or help they needed because it was assumed by the medical community they would "progress".


In the early days, a psychiatrist wouldn't even prescribe anti-depressants after a death until 90 days had passed. Apparently, this was considered the appropriate "grieving period" and was not given credence as a MDD.


I agree with you 100% that for many of us (including me), our lives will never be the same or as good.
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Old 04-05-2016, 01:38 PM
 
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I completely agree with not prescribing antidepressants after a death/loss; it's quite normal to be "depressed." That's what bereavement and mourning is. In fact, to diagnose a true clinical depression at one time, there could be no discernible cause. If you SHOULD be sad, I would hope the drug wouldn't "work." If it does -- I'm not sure what that is...


We as a society are very uncomfortable with death and very impatient with (natural) healing from it, as well as stubborn about accepting that sometimes the healing will never be complete. We want total happiness, and we want it now! That's just not real life, IMHO...
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