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One thing to remember in the case of both widows and widowers, is that what other people see is not necessarily what is happening when the person is alone. A year after the fact, I think most people who encounter me would say I was just a regular person. Here I am, talking to people at stores, smiling at folks on the street, being with friends, carrying on as though the world is normal. But when I am alone, in my car, at home, on walks, my the world is anything but normal. Sadness is my constant companion. I suspect that we can't really judge how anyone else is coping with losses. We can look at external signs, but they don't measure one's internal life. I have accomplished a lot since my husband died. But many different sights, sounds, even smells can send me back to the days when it was fresh and I felt totally lost. This happens many times a day for me, and I have a feeling that will continue for a long time. I think probably the whole conversation about who copes better, widows or widowers, is pretty invalid because none of can really know the heart of others.
I have known people-like my father after my mother died- who remarry within say 12 months, and others who remain on their own for the rest of their lives.
I have known people-like my father after my mother died- who remarry within say 12 months, and others who remain on their own for the rest of their lives.
When my paternal grandfather died, my grandmother remained alone the rest of her life - she lived another 30+ years by herself. She didn't even date. They had lived on a 50-acre farm and she continued to take care of the animals, plant the seed, harvest and all that stuff for another 15 years before selling and moving into a small house the next town over. His death was hard on her because they were truly soulmates - the truest definition. She always said, "There's no sense in dating or getting married again because no one will ever be as good as my husband was."
When my maternal grandmother died, I believe my grandfather was engaged to be married before the year was over. He was so used to being taken care of by my grandmother that he literally could NOT take care of himself (i.e., making meals, doing laundry). Did his engagement negate his marriage of 50 years to my incredible grandmother? Not in the least. It just showed how amazing she was that he was so completely cared for every day of their marriage.
Here in Glasgow Id say men cope better as they usually have family running after them as if their children and can go to the pub to meet people on their own.... women dont usually do this and keep more to themselves, I also think men remarry much more than women after the death of a spouse... and seem to pick up the pieces quicker..
I love it. I am 73 and I believe the ideal age of a lady friend would be 45 to 60.
45? That would be like dating someone the age of your daughter (if you had one)...an entire generation younger than yourself. Have you been successful finding women of that age to date, and do you have anything in common with them? Just curious...
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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My mother died at 62 and my dad was 67. I was able to go over and make meals for him (this was in 1989) because he and my mom had very traditional roles, even though they both worked. She did all the child-rearing (until I went to school and then she went back to work), cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc., and my dad did the lawn work, handyman things, and so on. I was pretty much taking care of him but within weeks of losing my mom (his wife of 40 years), he was talking about dating again. He had also discarded my mom's things almost immediately, which seriously bothered me, but I never said anything. He died a few months later very unexpectedly, so he didn't remarry, but he certainly would have had he lived. He didn't handle being alone well at all, and even though I was nearby, I had my own family with young kids, so I couldn't spend a lot of time with him, but I was there almost every day. He did start depending on me they way he did my mom...
When my husband died six years ago at age 59 of a heart attack, I was stunned, shocked, and felt like I'd been catapulted into a world I had no knowledge of. I had to learn to do all the things he did from bill paying to replacing the kitchen faucet~~ basically become the husband and the wife. I grieved deeply, but haven't found the desire to date, or meet another man. My husband was my one and only, and I'm still in love with him and still feel married to him. Like many women, I found that living alone became comforting, and I enjoyed having the opportunity to come and go whenever I pleased and to forge a new life on my own. I made friends, joined clubs and volunteered often. I settled into my new life and have come to really enjoy it. I have my two little dogs, two geriatric cats and a turtle to keep me company.
I've often wondered how my husband would have handled life alone if I'd been the one to go first, and honestly, I think he'd be like my dad. Even though he could cook, clean, do laundry, he was much more comfortable in his workshop. I think he'd have had the kids go through my things, take what they wanted, and give the rest to Goodwill. He wouldn't change a thing in the house, and would just plug along. He'd have the little dogs and two geriatric cats as companions as I do now. Like me, he wouldn't date or remarry and would make a routine of going to work, coming home, cooking and eating dinner, watching TV and going to bed. Same thing, day after day. Like my dad, he was a creature of routine, but unlike my dad, he wouldn't want to bring a new lady into the family. He would have been a heartbroken, lonely man, but he often said, he'd had his one and only and wouldn't even consider finding someone else.
Three people, three different responses to the loss of their spouse. My dad who would be lost in a kitchen or a laundry room, immediately looking for a wife to take care of him; me, who was able to move forward and create a new life for myself and learn new skills, and my husband who would go on with his life as he did before, making no changes, and who wouldn't look for someone else to share his life with for the same reasons I haven't. I think each person handles loss of a spouse differently, but I do think men tend to seek companionship more than women, and that women have an easier time adjusting to being alone because they tend to have social networks in place through community, neighborhood, church, or work to turn to when they need someone to talk to or be with.
A guy in my sailing club just turned 90 he is dating a 7= year old. Is that too young? :-D
Cool guy still races an A class Catamaran quite well if it's not too windy. He is getting to be a bit of a hazard as he does not see so well though.
I think men don't do well alone. They want someone to cook and clean and provide (intimacy). Women, on the orher hand, often remain single because it is so much less work for them.
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