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Old 02-28-2016, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Native Floridian, USA
4,896 posts, read 5,864,783 times
Reputation: 6050

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aleister Crowley View Post
Could you please explain what you mean by your profoundly retarded daughter? What is beautiful about such a daughter if she was suffering as much as you describe?
I am sorry I haven't responded to your question as I have away from the computer for some time doing other things.


My daughter was very beautiful physically, with light brown blond hair, wide gray eyes, impossibly long black eye lashes, dark eyebrows that were like wings over those eyes and were wonderfully shaped and tidy. She also had a light olive tint to incredibly beautiful skin. Until she was approx. 6 months old, many people would address me when I had her out and about, that she was a very lovely child and didn't realize there was any handicap. After about 6 months, when she should be sitting up, responding socially, etc, it became obvious to others that something was wrong but they still would comment on her physical attractiveness.


The doctors used the term "profoundly" with her as she was blind, at 2-3 yrs old may be had the mental capacity of a 3 month old and that was all it would ever be. She would never walk, never talk, never know us as her family, on a feeding tube at 4 months and was expected to die before 10 years of age, if she was lucky and she hadn't been lucky so far. But, she was a happy little girl in her way. Her laughter would come at the oddest times, no reason, middle of the night...<s> but it was so infectious. She never knew I was her "mother" but she would respond to my voice by smiling hugely, wiggling and obviously trying to "find" the source of this "familiar" sound. She adored the sound of her 8 year old brothers voice and he would "play" with her on a pallet on the floor. She suffered greatly with pain as her limbs atrophied and her immune system was zilch. She could not take baby immunizations except in qtr dosages and her fever would rage for days. She had pneumonia 3 times before she was 18 months old. She was beautiful, inside and out. Except for her pain, I will never regret having her.
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Old 02-28-2016, 09:42 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,539 posts, read 3,003,976 times
Reputation: 9423
Annie, my heart aches for you. The beautiful Angel was sent here for a reason. Your description of her was as beautiful as she was.

Bless you for sharing her story.
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Old 03-02-2016, 11:08 AM
 
26,163 posts, read 14,453,442 times
Reputation: 17235
Unhappy  

Im so sorry meo92953,it sounds like your son was living thru hell and no one could help him....... I am so sorry!!

God bless you also Annie
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Old 03-02-2016, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Native Floridian, USA
4,896 posts, read 5,864,783 times
Reputation: 6050
Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
....snipped...

I understand that. He had a mental illness. I know that. He threatened my family & we all had to stop communications, I know that too. But I grieve for the beautiful boy I knew & I have that right. But they act like I shouldn't cry. And I can't hold it inside just so they are not uncomfortable.
This made me cry. One of my brothers committed suicide and some family members acted like it was shameful. I grieved for the sweet brother that taught me how to drive, who always kept in contact with "me" throughout his long travels, who protected me when we were growing up.....I grieve for the pain he must have been in. I grieve for him to day and it has been 30 years.


You have every right to your feelings. I wish you peace.
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Old 03-03-2016, 01:18 AM
 
26,163 posts, read 14,453,442 times
Reputation: 17235
Ahhhhhh Annie your a sweet person!!!!! -- I am glad we have you on city-data
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Old 03-03-2016, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,539 posts, read 3,003,976 times
Reputation: 9423
Me too.
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Old 03-03-2016, 05:49 PM
 
4,541 posts, read 805,013 times
Reputation: 2115
I'm really sorry, it's hard reading things like this. I hope the best for you and that you will remember the good times. You are most definitely in my thoughts.
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Old 04-13-2016, 11:23 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,539 posts, read 3,003,976 times
Reputation: 9423
I wasn't sure where to add this but do want to address it.

It has now been almost three months and I am beginning to come to terms with my son being gone. Before he passed I was giving donations to different organizations but paying for his cremation & other life happenings has wiped out a lot of my savings. So when the letters came asking for donations I would write on the return form that I could not afford to donate.

Then they started calling. I would refuse to answer the phone but finally in the last few days I got tired of it all & did answer. Before they could get into their speech, I told them that I had informed them that my son died & with that expense I did not foresee having money for donating for a long, long time.

It is working & they are slowly taking me off their list, but each time I have to deal with this it opens up the whole grief issue & it's like it happened yesterday, not three months ago. So I have to begin the grief cycle from scratch all over again.
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Old 04-16-2016, 01:03 AM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,248,587 times
Reputation: 4549
You don't owe anyone an explanation. You can just request to be taken off the list without explaining why, and they are supposed to comply. Explaining over and over why you can't contribute is an undue stress to you. Remember that these callers are doing a job; they aren't friends. Be polite, but firm. They have no right to know your personal business.

I know it feels like you are starting to grieve all over each time you talk about it. But it is my belief that this is all part of the work of grieving that must be gone through, and that there is progress being made, even if it doesn't feel like it. I don't mean you should tell your story to salespeople. Sympathetic friends, clergy, counselors, family - people who actually want to listen and share your story and your grief will help you to heal. Talking about things should of course happen in your own time. But ultimately, talking seems to help - if you are talking to the right people.
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Old 04-19-2016, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,539 posts, read 3,003,976 times
Reputation: 9423
Thank you Grasshopper. Yes, I know I don't owe anyone an explanation. I just felt that since I had been donating for quite a while that I should let them know why I quit.

I've never grieved like this. Some of my good friends have died & I missed them and was sad they were gone, but my son's death was such a shock. I've made some friends & I can share my feelings with them, but my family doesn't like to discuss it, so I don't with them.

They were the same way when he was diagnosed as bipolar. Our family did not acknowledge that there was a person who had a mental illness. So they would tell me they didn't care to discuss it. I respected and still respect their wishes.
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