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Old 01-21-2016, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,540 posts, read 3,006,146 times
Reputation: 9433

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My son was burned horribly 12 years ago. At the time, we didn't think he would survive, but due to a wonderful doctor, he survived.

He'd been diagnosed as bipolar 10 years prior to being burned & was doing well on medication. After he was burned, he started changing, becoming bitter & angry. I believe it was because with the addition of pain pills, his doctors were having a hard time adjusting his other meds.

To make a long story short, because of his mood swings, he eventually spent time institutionalized. At this point, his disease progressed, to the point where he sent letters telling people (me included) that he was going to kill, whoever he was writing. A lot of my family & myself basically went into hiding from him.

This past week, on Monday, MLK holiday, my ex-husband called me to tell me our son had died. I don't know how he got my number, but I am glad he did, that is, until he said he was broke & someone had to pay for his cremation.

I told him I was broke also & could maybe come up with 1/2 but that would be all. He said he'd call me back. Mind you, I had just been told my son was dead & I was already reeling from that. I was certainly not prepared to fight with a man I had divorced 40 years before.

The next day he called & grudgingly said he could come up with the other half. I talked to the medical examiner before calling the Cremation Society & she told me my son had died of natural causes. His heart finally gave out. He was 44.

I then called the Cremation Society to discuss the arrangements my ex had made. It turned out that he wanted me to pay, but only he would get the ashes. I called the ex & said either the ashes were divided or he could pay the entire cost for the privilege of having them. I called the funeral director again & told him to let me know when the division was in writing & I would give him my debit card number.

Everything is finally done & I am home falling apart. I'll pick up my 1/2 of my son's ashes for my family's service after Monday.

I'll always miss my son but I am glad he is finally at peace. And, to be honest, I am glad I will never again have to have any dealings with my ex or his family.
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Old 01-21-2016, 04:06 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,488 posts, read 6,600,981 times
Reputation: 17327
I'm very sorry for your loss. Your Ex sounds like a real piece of work.

I gave my husband's ashes to his friends to take to a flying meet in another state. The held a little ceremony and distributed his ashes over the flying field. It was nice.
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Old 01-21-2016, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,540 posts, read 3,006,146 times
Reputation: 9433
That sounds nice. We will put my son's on the family farm. am going to divide my 1/2 in half again as my ex seemed to forget that maybe my granddaughter would like some. I will look for a nice urn for her when I pick up the ashes. Yes, as I said to my family, now I remember why I divorced him.
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Old 01-21-2016, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,540 posts, read 3,006,146 times
Reputation: 9433
Turnf, I wasn't Abel to respond. Appreciate the prayers, we all need them.
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Old 01-21-2016, 08:00 PM
 
2,287 posts, read 2,493,596 times
Reputation: 6999
I am so sorry for your loss. Your son sounded like a tortured soul, so I like that he's at peace now. Some people are dealt a raw deal and life isn't something to cherish. I hope soon you also have peace and can remember only the good times. {{{hugs}}}
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Old 01-21-2016, 08:30 PM
 
10,396 posts, read 7,472,821 times
Reputation: 18316
No one knows how things are going to turn out with our kids. The title of this thread wrenched my heart as the mom of 2 boys. It certainly took a turn for the worse as I read. I'm just so sorry. Mom's and their boys have something no one else could ever understand. I imagine you've got years of blessed memories with your son as youngster. And he brought you years of joy. Just hold onto that. The accident changed him and that wasn't his fault. Very tragic. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad he's at peace now.

Nothing like your ex proving the wisdom of your decision to not be married to him anymore.
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Old 01-21-2016, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,540 posts, read 3,006,146 times
Reputation: 9433
Yes, hunterseat, going through the photos, watching him turn from a baby into a wonderful man, it's been wrenching but, at the same time, rewarding. He was such a sweet boy. And that is what I'll remember.
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Old 01-22-2016, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Mt Shasta , Ca.
1,806 posts, read 1,244,090 times
Reputation: 3795
Oh my, I see what happened and I am so so sorry . My third son is like this one . I had four . He is still living and not physically handicapped in anyway but very tortured soul. So I get emotional when I hear you describe him as a baby . I know that feeling

My mom passed in August and wanted nothing but direct cremation and I have half and half are between her parents . She and I are going to "Hollywood Forever" together along with my husband . Some I dispersed into beautiful jeweled pendants for my kids .

Last edited by DutchessCottonPuff; 01-22-2016 at 09:30 PM..
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Old 01-22-2016, 11:20 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,540 posts, read 3,006,146 times
Reputation: 9433
I love what you said about the disbursement.
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Old 01-23-2016, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Mt Shasta , Ca.
1,806 posts, read 1,244,090 times
Reputation: 3795
Not sure if this is allowed but this is the one I got in moms birthstone to give to the kids . They are beautiful and economical. They come in many colors including clear crystal .
Crystal Ball Aquamarine Stainless Steel Cremation Jewelry
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