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Old 02-14-2019, 12:45 PM
 
304 posts, read 123,528 times
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My FIL dated women as early as two weeks after his first wife died. He married a woman within 2 1/2 years. He was married for over 40 years, so he missed being married. Sad thing was, he was outmatched in the brains department. She tried to spend every last dime he had, and got him to sell his properties and buy a huge house with her name on it. He also bought her a new car, furs and jewelry. Her SIL was a lawyer and so she had great advice.

When he got sick, she put a DNR on him and then told the doctors "No heroics." She couldn't wait until he passed away. She even helped herself to his first wife's extensive jewelry collection. She cleared out all of his bank accounts while he was in the hospital, had a doctor deem him an incompetent "vegetable" after his three strokes, then went on a long vacation with his money.

When he told the hospital staff that he wanted to go home to live, they had nursing care set up. The second wife got so angry that she refused to feed him much and he almost starved to death. We went to see him the last time and I thought he looked like some of the men from labor camps in WW2. She claimed that he never wanted to eat, as he was too depressed. I asked him: "Dad, are you hungry?" "Yes!" he said. I told my husband to go out and get a big burger, fries, a coke and a chocolate shake. My husband brought the food back and he ate everything within 15 minutes. I was going to call department of social services on Monday, but she got the idea and dumped him in a nursing home. She knew that she could have been in trouble.

To make a long story short, my parents loaned him $30K for lawyers and we got some of his property back. His big house was gone, because he put her name on it and had to settle by giving her half of the house....even though he paid for it all. My MIL's jewelry collection was gone. I was only able to get her wedding rings and diamond watch back because I had pictures of them. He was stupid enough to marry her and give her everything, so what happened in the end was his doing. He was thinking with his "tail light" instead of his "head light." Thank goodness there were good doctors and lawyers who advocated for him and did their best to help him. He almost "paid" for her love with his life.

Older men and women, be careful. Some people are just the "devil" in disguise.

Last edited by suziq38; 02-14-2019 at 12:55 PM..
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Old 02-14-2019, 05:05 PM
 
Location: East of the Mississippi and South of Bluegrass
4,321 posts, read 3,573,675 times
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Wow, some really sad stories here, sorry for anyone who has had those experiences.

Seeing Someone -- How Long After Your Spouse Died?

Although I did attempt to date years after his passing, I was not very successful in that I am not ambitious enough to dupe anyone as I believe that comes with its own punishment in the end. It's 16 years now and I have always been able to take care of my family and myself. Knock on wood I am in good health so I have a lot to be thankful for.

It would take a really, really great man to induce me to go down that road at this stage of the game.
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Old 02-14-2019, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
8,453 posts, read 7,209,044 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
My wife and I were married for 40 years. She passed away 4 months ago after being ill for several years thus it was not a shock when it happened and we were as prepared as one can be.

I admit I am at the point where I want some female companionship including sex. I do not want to remarry or even live with a lady so I am debating/deciding on which way to go. A lady friend as involved with her or a "business arrangement" as in "clean my clock" then leave me alone until I call again.

Decisions, decisions.......LOL
As this subject has risen for the ashes, I will update my situation. For a year after my wife's death, I gave some long and hard thought to what I wanted. Did I want a "lady friend" as in date, spend nights together, take vacations together and the answer kept coming back no, as I was enjoying am enjoying being single. No one to be concerned about no one to answer to. Come and go as I please. I opted to got the "casual/sexual friend" route and been doing so with a young woman for over two years now. I am very happy with my choice and I am quite surprised it has lasted that long.
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Old 02-14-2019, 06:23 PM
 
1,040 posts, read 732,047 times
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Somewhere between the day after the funeral and never. It all depends on what feels right to the individual person. There is no right or wrong. There is probably a period of time that you wait out of respect but the spouse is dead, so why does it even matter at that point?
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Old 02-14-2019, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
22,223 posts, read 4,692,088 times
Reputation: 26985
Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
As this subject has risen for the ashes, I will update my situation. For a year after my wife's death, I gave some long and hard thought to what I wanted. Did I want a "lady friend" as in date, spend nights together, take vacations together and the answer kept coming back no, as I was enjoying am enjoying being single. No one to be concerned about no one to answer to. Come and go as I please. I opted to got the "casual/sexual friend" route and been doing so with a young woman for over two years now. I am very happy with my choice and I am quite surprised it has lasted that long.

Good for you.

If a widowed woman did the same she'd be called a _______.
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
23,848 posts, read 22,793,647 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greatblueheron View Post
Good for you.

If a widowed woman did the same she'd be called a _______.
Only if you are flaunting it.
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Old 02-15-2019, 12:19 AM
 
Location: The house I built
403 posts, read 174,739 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greatblueheron View Post
Good for you.

If a widowed woman did the same she'd be called a _______.

Actually they are called cougars these days. And there is absolutely no shortage of younger men willing and wanting to be used by them. Some women want all the fun but none of the baggage that goes with a relationship. I figure go for it as long as it suits you.


I tried just several months after my wife passed and it was not going to happen. I tried again about a year after she passed and again I was no where near ready. All this time I have been a gymrat and a hermit. I recently signed up for some dating sites and went on my first date with a lady who's company I enjoyed very much. And I am communicating with another lady who is also interesting to me.


I have no idea how this turns out. Its been 27 months. I still have some internal conflicts but I am hoping they will resolve themselves.
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Old 02-15-2019, 03:38 AM
 
Location: Teach an Fhir Bholg
12,290 posts, read 13,595,568 times
Reputation: 33332
Quote:
Originally Posted by greatblueheron View Post
Good for you.

If a widowed woman did the same she'd be called a _______.
Indeed, though my aunt's widowed MIL did it, and she did it three times - had them live in too. And she didn't give a damn what her two sons thought and the neighbors kept their mouths shut.

I liked her, she was a very nice person.
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Old 02-15-2019, 03:45 AM
 
Location: Teach an Fhir Bholg
12,290 posts, read 13,595,568 times
Reputation: 33332
My mother waited three, maybe four years, with ritual protests of eternal love for my father preventing her from even thinking of remarriage. I was hoping like hell she would, she was a major PIA.

Then my widowed childhood dentist asked her out. He was her lifetime dream: well dressed, lived on the right street, had the right social credentials, etc., etc. He asked, she said yes and their marriage was ten times better than what she had with my father.

So, after all the blah-blah of "I could never...." she got to yell "Bingo!"
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Old 02-15-2019, 01:50 PM
 
Location: SWFL
22,232 posts, read 18,749,072 times
Reputation: 20101
I don't want sex. I don't want the bs of dating. I don't want to get to know another gentleman because I don't want sex! Pure and simple. And honest.
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