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Old 02-15-2019, 10:34 PM
 
876 posts, read 489,267 times
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I have seen similar horror stories of widowers being taken advantage of by a new wife. Now this depends on age, but in my opinion there are more gold digger women out there than you think. Most of the time if a woman is older (like 70's+)and is widowed and financially set, she will not want to marry again and be another caretaker. Instead she will focus on her children and grandchildren and friends. The women who are aggressive in remarrying do so mostly for financial gain.

So you will have someone like my uncle who was widowed at 75. Having been married for 40+ years he was thrilled when "Linda" (age 65) showed an intense interest. My uncle truly was lost without a wife and married rather quickly. Linda was very sweet at first but then things changed. She took control of my uncle's investments (rentals) and bills which my uncle allowed since his first wife always did that too. I remember when my uncle saw his car insurance bill and was shocked that it had skyrocketed. He called the insurance company and was told his rate jumped because of him "totaling his Toyota Corolla". He replied that he never owned that car. Well, unbeknownst to him his wife had bought that car for her deadbeat adult druggie son. She also moved accounts into her name, took her adult kids on lavish trips (without my uncle) and basically set out to spend every dime he had. She ended up divorcing him and he was left with very little. It's sad that what my aunt helped to build over 40+ years went to some other women's children.

I think many men who had long-term traditional marriages are very naive and want to believe that another woman truly loves them and not their money. I'd say this is especially true if the man has health issues and isn't that active. Like my uncle, by 75 he was a sedentary diabetic who couldn't be that active. Did he really think his wife loved him for him to the point that she would be happy just being his nurse?
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Old 02-16-2019, 07:07 AM
 
1,154 posts, read 358,690 times
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DH was going downhill for a couple of years before he died in November, 2016. In July, 2017 I reconnected with an old friend from college who was working an IT contract gig in a city a few hours away. He was the perfect gentleman but I was the one who realized when we were in Home Depot looking for stuff to do minor fixes on my house that I wanted to jump on his body. We had a long talk, he was very worried that if we got physical I'd regret it and then we'd lose the friendship, but 2 months later he came back into town and it was fantastic. Life-giving. Joyous. We had one more visit together before he had a serious stroke a year ago. He's now on the other side of the country with his family and the physical side of our relationship is over. The friendship is forever.

I'm now dating a very nice man I met on Match.com. He ticks all the boxes except that. after a "grey divorce" 6 years ago, he doesn't have a lot of money to throw around. He DOES appear to live on what he has- very important. I'm the opposite of a gold-digger; I could easily be described as rich. I just don't want to outlive my savings by propping up someone else.

So- 2+ years after losing DH I've been with two men. I'm a BAD Grandma. Yeah, I'm 66. I'm still not sure what I want long term but it's probably not marriage or even cohabitation. I really like my independence but I have to admit that I am so happy being able to snuggle up to a nice, warm man and have long, intelligent conversations and geriatric sex. I think that's enough for now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by suziq38 View Post
My FIL dated women as early as two weeks after his first wife died. He married a woman within 2 1/2 years. He was married for over 40 years, so he missed being married. Sad thing was, he was outmatched in the brains department. She tried to spend every last dime he had, and got him to sell his properties and buy a huge house with her name on it. He also bought her a new car, furs and jewelry. Her SIL was a lawyer and so she had great advice.
Yeah, that was my Grandpa's second marriage except that she was about the same age and I think she really did love him, but she just about drained him dry between what he bought for her and the money she sent to her (over age 60) kids.
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Old 02-16-2019, 08:07 PM
 
8,466 posts, read 3,325,402 times
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Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
As this subject has risen for the ashes, I will update my situation. For a year after my wife's death, I gave some long and hard thought to what I wanted. Did I want a "lady friend" as in date, spend nights together, take vacations together and the answer kept coming back no, as I was enjoying am enjoying being single. No one to be concerned about no one to answer to. Come and go as I please. I opted to got the "casual/sexual friend" route and been doing so with a young woman for over two years now. I am very happy with my choice and I am quite surprised it has lasted that long.
I'm intrigued. At the age of at least 60, you've found a young woman to give you casual sex with no strings at all, for a couple years. I'm sure you're surprised - I am too.

I'd say you've beaten the odds, John. Go buy a lottery ticket. You seem like a very lucky man.
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Old 02-16-2019, 08:14 PM
 
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I know this is an old post, and others may have said it before, but yes. Happily married men who are elderly but healthy and widowed, very often quickly look for another partner. They want someone to be the helpmate their long term, beloved wife was. They have often been grieving a long time, as their wife slowly died over a few years time while the man cared for her lovingly. The man was prepared for her sad death, and was wanting to move on and find another partner who would be as fulfilling as she was.

Women, eh, not so much. Yes, I loved him, but now I'm happy to be on my own and not have to caretake someone and cater to his needs.
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Old 02-16-2019, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
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I still like the sexual aspect especially the younger, the prettier, and having a firm body women. Call me shallow........LOL
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Old 02-16-2019, 10:09 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,089 posts, read 23,394,500 times
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Is it true most widow/widowers remarry within 2 yrs? IDK... was true for my MIL though.

I lol'd at a post a while back that most elderly widowers are looking for a nurse or a purse.
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Old 02-16-2019, 11:56 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
23,875 posts, read 22,838,506 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Is it true most widow/widowers remarry within 2 yrs? IDK... was true for my MIL though.

I lol'd at a post a while back that most elderly widowers are looking for a nurse or a purse.
Two years? Nah. The ones I know, have known, don't remarry. Some, of course, do. I think that the people who married well the first time are optimistic.

I'm sure that quite a few older people would like to have someone looking out for them. Few of us are well and on top of everything all of the time.

When dad died, I did everything that I possibly could for mom, but I couldn't be her husband of nearly 50 years.

Shortly after his death, she asked if I'd sleep in their bed with her. I did. She just wanted to be able to fall asleep.

Good night John Boy.
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Old 02-17-2019, 09:05 AM
 
1,154 posts, read 358,690 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Is it true most widow/widowers remarry within 2 yrs? IDK... was true for my MIL though.

I lol'd at a post a while back that most elderly widowers are looking for a nurse or a purse.
Maybe the needier ones do. My Grandpa and step-Grandma did. I think he wanted companionship and she needed the $$$. (After her husband died and she found that his pension had no Survivor benefit, her kids told her she'd have to remarry a guy with money of she wanted to live decently.)

I think that for some of us who are financially solvent, it's the first time we've been on our own with no responsibilities to anyone. I married when I was 31 so I did have time on my own but I worked FT, of course. Now I'm 66, retired, I love my house, I keep whatever hours I want, and as long as I keep the bills paid and my lawn neat, I can pretty much do what I want. That DOES involve good works- I don't want to be completely selfish.

It would take a heck of a man for me to give that up, even for cohabitation.

Last edited by athena53; 02-17-2019 at 09:25 AM..
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Old 02-17-2019, 09:11 AM
 
Location: SWFL
22,274 posts, read 18,774,603 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
I still like the sexual aspect especially the younger, the prettier, and having a firm body women. Call me shallow........LOL
Shallow.
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Old 02-17-2019, 10:09 PM
ERH ERH started this thread
 
Location: Cary, NC
1,083 posts, read 1,565,588 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53 View Post
Maybe the needier ones do. My Grandpa and step-Grandma did. I think he wanted companionship and she needed the $$$. (After her husband died and she found that his pension had no Survivor benefit, her kids told her she'd have to remarry a guy with money of she wanted to live decently.)

I think that for some of us who are financially solvent, it's the first time we've been on our own with no responsibilities to anyone. I married when I was 31 so I did have time on my own but I worked FT, of course. Now I'm 66, retired, I love my house, I keep whatever hours I want, and as long as I keep the bills paid and my lawn neat, I can pretty much do what I want. That DOES involve good works- I don't want to be completely selfish.

It would take a heck of a man for me to give that up, even for cohabitation.
Amen, sister!

So, to update -- my dad is now 80 and does not have another companion. The woman he "courted" right after my mother died was a former co-worker who thrived on sharing her sob stories to whomever would listen. According to him, it only took a few conversations with her to see that she was looking for someone to finance her desired lifestyle. My dad has nearly zero money and doesn't play the lottery, so she wasn't exactly going to hit the jackpot there.

So that's that. He has (mostly) processed his grief and made the transition into widower life, and he seems content. I wouldn't be opposed to him bringing someone home, but the shock of him doing so that soon after Mom's death was definitely an eye opener.
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