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I'm not very appreciative of the stereotype that older men don't know how to cook, clean, or do laundry. That ranks right up there with women not knowing how to drive a car or fill the gas tank. Even with the qualifiers of SOME men, it still grates.
I totally agree. While some may not have had to such things, the stuff is not rocket science. Any person with 1/4 a brain can learn how to do such.
I've done all my own laundry and cooking for years along with many of the other chores of the house .I solved the dish problem using paper plates and plastic forks.
I do a lot of cooking in the microwave and some times on the wood or gas stove.
Paper plates soak up the grease in meat so i'm not consuming it . and the dogs give them licking and in the fire they go (the plates)
Plastic forks are recycled big deal.
I don't need a woman to mess my life up .
I've got enough mess as it is dealing with my inheritance ( dad's accumulation )
Besides It wouldn't be fair to ask a woman to live in an environment like this, and I don't know any that would try.
That and the fact that many of the women I meet are looking for a free ride ,and to be quite frank it's tough enough living on social security .
It cost 3 times as much for two to live as cheap as one. "FACT".
Besides that, I'd just as soon just be friends with women, and not get emotionally involved ,no hanky panky either. no kissing or games of any sort it's just not worth the stress and aggravation afterword.
Women I know tend to try an read something else into an action, and if you never go there no one miss understands the program, usually.
I have a few lady friends but it gets old after a while, when they are reminiscing the past and former acquaintances lovers husband, past away relatives and on going health concerns .
I grew up listening to the same stories over and over ,nothing new to talk about and no interest in current events or learning things or exploration .
So I live pretty much solitaire and see friends for a few minuets/hours and go about my business.
IF, I met some one magical ,I might change my mind but for now this is my life.
My uncle(may he RIP) was seeing someone after a year. I remarried after 5 years but I was just 22 when my first husband died. My dad passed away 16 years ago but she never dated anyone after that and I don't think she will ever date or marry someone again. She was just 37 when papa died.
I'm not very appreciative of the stereotype that older men don't know how to cook, clean, or do laundry. That ranks right up there with women not knowing how to drive a car or fill the gas tank. Even with the qualifiers of SOME men, it still grates.
I totally agree. While some may not have had to such things, the stuff is not rocket science. Any person with 1/4 a brain can learn how to do such.
Yes, absolutely men can learn. And SOME do. But many men I've met, particularly ones born in the 1940s and 50s, have no desire to learn. What's not to like about being waited on, specifically when the necessary tasks are boring and repetitive?
Other men have failed to learn a lot of social and communication skills, again not for any lack of ability, just because it isn't important to them. They left that to their wives. If the are widowed, they can become depressed and reclusive. In that case, I guess getting quickly remarried is favorable.
I'm not saying it's everybody. But in my personal experience it's the majority. I even know two men, both well-to-do corporate executives, who had their new wives lined up before their wives (both long-time cancer sufferers) were even dead. I have even less respect for the new wives (both of whom were nearly half the age of their new husbands) than I did for the husbands. I have yet to see a woman pull that stunt, although I'm sure it must have happened somewhere.
And by the way, I'm as feminist as they come, but I'm willing to concede that most women have less interest in cars than men do so they don't learn all they could. I certainly pump my own gas but I'm happy to pay someone to change the oil. I just don't want to. I suppose the same thing is true with men and laundry and shopping. It's wrong when the implication of lack of ability. That IS sexist. But I'm not claiming that ... I'm claiming lack of interest and the fact that stereotypes often become that because they are commonplace situations.
If you and Harry can cook, clean, shop, do laundry, and have active social lives, more power to you!
I appreciate everyone's very thoughtful responses, even the ones who were critical of my asking the question in the first place. In the interest of full disclosure, my father is one of the men I mentioned. We lost Mom 3 months ago after an extended illness that included a full year of intense caregiving split between Dad and me. He has recently begun seeing someone very casually, and my brother is having a very difficult time with it. This is for a number of reasons, not simply the fact that it has only been a short time since Mom died. And while I admit it does not make me jump for joy, I have told my dad that I want to see him happy rather than miserably pining away for Mom. I do believe it's more of a 'man thing' than something widows pursue, for many of the reasons cited above.
I appreciate everyone's very thoughtful responses, even the ones who were critical of my asking the question in the first place. In the interest of full disclosure, my father is one of the men I mentioned. We lost Mom 3 months ago after an extended illness that included a full year of intense caregiving split between Dad and me. He has recently begun seeing someone very casually, and my brother is having a very difficult time with it. This is for a number of reasons, not simply the fact that it has only been a short time since Mom died. And while I admit it does not make me jump for joy, I have told my dad that I want to see him happy rather than miserably pining away for Mom. I do believe it's more of a 'man thing' than something widows pursue, for many of the reasons cited above.
It really is....my mother in law was so upset with her brother when his wife of 35 yrs died after a long, drawn out battle with cancer. He remarried within a years time. Trust me, it was a NEED for him, he is a farmer, all he has ever known was farming and he is use to being up and out of the house by 5am, back for lunch and again for dinner. He KNOWS how to run the farm, fix the equipment, tend the animals (they are in very rural Iowa and do it all themselves), but NEEDED someone to run the house, have meals ready, etc.
She was a widow who suffered the loss of the farm when her husband had been killed in a farming accident. With the kids all grown and moved away not wanting to farm or remain in rural Iowa, she was forced to live in an apt almost 1.5 hours away from where she spent most of her life. Our uncle and she reunited at the HS reunion and it was a win/win for both of them. They care about each other, care for each other, but I really don't think it is a "love each other as much as need each other" situation. They had known each other since school (having grown up in the same, little farming town) and knew they were "compatible" and what each were bringing to the table. My mother in law saw it as a "slap in the face" to our aunt that had passed and their kids. I saw it as a REAL need that worked well for two people that were both benefitting from the marriage.
I know it was quite commonplace to do this in the farming communities -- there are tons of Hallmark Channel-type movies depicting this very thing.
My dad lost his father very young, and he saw his mother remarry twice. He is worlds away from the farm he grew up on, is self-sufficient, and has no tangible need for a companion, but I am certain he's lonely. That, plus I have no idea what their discussions might have been regarding the after; perhaps Mom gave him her blessing to move forward when he felt ready to do so.
As I said, it's not something I'm entirely excited about, but that's my issue, not his. I'm hoping my brother will come around.
It really is....my mother in law was so upset with her brother when his wife of 35 yrs died after a long, drawn out battle with cancer. He remarried within a years time. Trust me, it was a NEED for him, he is a farmer, all he has ever known was farming and he is use to being up and out of the house by 5am, back for lunch and again for dinner. He KNOWS how to run the farm, fix the equipment, tend the animals (they are in very rural Iowa and do it all themselves), but NEEDED someone to run the house, have meals ready, etc.
This doesn't seem much different from the people that say men can't live alone. Run the house? Every single person seems to handle that ok. Meals? Not a big deal to make a few meals and go back to work. Again, many people are doing that now.
Sounds like a man that cannot live a different way than they did when they were married and that seems to be what most posts in this thread are about.
I'm not very appreciative of the stereotype that older men don't know how to cook, clean, or do laundry. That ranks right up there with women not knowing how to drive a car or fill the gas tank. Even with the qualifiers of SOME men, it still grates.
I totally agree. While some may not have had to such things, the stuff is not rocket science. Any person with 1/4 a brain can learn how to do such.
That's true...just because you know how to clean and do laundry doesn't mean you necessarily DO it.
When I started dating again, I signed up for an on-line dating for seniors and was contacted with a man who was a widower (after going out with a few guys who seemed to be pretty "damaged" by their divorces, I thought maybe dating a widower would be fine.....maybe they had had good marriages as I did and were ready for another steady relationship). We agreed to meet for coffee one morning. After the preliminary "how are you's?", I asked him how long his wife had been gone. He said, "It'll be three weeks next Thursday" (mind you, this is on a Saturday, so she'd barely been gone two weeks at that point). Frankly, I was pretty skeeved out and didn't see him again. After a couple more widowers who were looking for someone to take care of them or, in one case, said that he felt he was "cheating" on his late wife (who had been gone for ten years at that point) by dating another woman, I was ready to try to find a divorced man who wasn't too "damaged". I did.
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