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I was brought up in the era of the 50's/60's to learn that one year, was the acceptable period of refraining from starting new relationships for the surviving spouse. IMO, with religious views and "morality" aside, no one should have to endure the misery of living their remaining years alone, if that person does NOT want to do so.
People need to be loved by someone (other than family) so they will not just wither away in their solitude and loneliness. And relationships between senior widows/widowers does not always mean they will be having sexual relations. (even though, maybe not for the lack of trying)
Most sons and even some daughters by nature, are very opposed to their senior parent getting in to a relationship again. Not only do they not like the idea of having their Mom or Dad bring a S.O. or "step" relationship in to their lives, they fear for their well being.
And this fear is not unfounded in most cases, as even in the world of dating seniors there are parasitic people that will prey on a widow/widower. As there will always be someone out here that is needing money or place to live. And they will do whatever it takes to acquire either one, even if it means running a emotional "con" on a senior surviving spouse.
And they will run their con, until they are exposed or after they accomplish their goal and move on. And then someone's beloved Mom or Dad, is not only left heart broken.... but broke.
One man wanted to move in with me after three weeks. I am in the midst of ending a 3 1/2 month relationship. He was the nicest man and I fell in love with him and then he became critical of me. He confided in me he wants to sell his place, move in with me and co-mingle our funds.
Yeah, they're dealbreakers! One woman on another board I'm on said, "I want a man in my life, but not in my house". That's the way I'm feeling right now and I'm happy with the relationship I have now- intelligent conversation, great sex, but not glued together 24/7.
I'm not telling anyone else to give up. In fact, I'm not giving up. But I think job one is to be accepting of and content with who you are and where you are now, and not be constantly striving for something that may never materialize. I saw this in my mom. She was always looking, always hoping for someone to rescue her from her widowhood. (She was widowed at age 57.) She thought that the ONLY way a woman can be happy is to have a man. This resulted in one disastrous re-marriage that ended in divorce. Even then, she kept hoping. And later, when she had dementia and was in assisted living, she looked at every man who came in, hoping for a new "Mister Right." I'm not going to do that. I subscribe to the idea that life surprises us, both for good and bad. If I meet someone, that will be a wonderful surprise. But I'm not going to go on-line looking, etc. I don't want to ever be desperate, like my mom. I admit that it has been hard to accept this, because I loved being married, and I certainly loved my husband, but there is reality to consider. And the reality is that only a small percentage of widows will find another soul mate. And another reality is that there are many ways to lead happy, productive lives. So...I have lots of interests, and there are so many activities, causes, opportunities out there, I am trying to take advantage of those and bring meaning to my un-coupled life.
I'm not telling anyone else to give up. In fact, I'm not giving up. But I think job one is to be accepting of and content with who you are and where you are now, and not be constantly striving for something that may never materialize. I saw this in my mom. She was always looking, always hoping for someone to rescue her from her widowhood. (She was widowed at age 57.) She thought that the ONLY way a woman can be happy is to have a man.
Totally agreed- my attitude has been that my life is very good but a good man would make it even better. Desperation, or the belief that your life will be happy only if you're coupled off, is asking for disaster, whether you're male or female, widowed, divorced or never-married.
I think a lot of men miss being taken care of, so look for someone to do that. Women can keep their same routine after their husband dies.
My neighbor was 80 when his second wife died. He was lonely. He met a younger woman (60) at a grief support group. They kept company discreetly, but only dated publicly after a year after his wife died.
I think they’re very happy. She likes to stay in and cook.
She didn’t have a pot to pee in, and he’s rich.
It was cute....he told my husband that he told her he’d only marry her if she quit her job. She quit the next day.
He is a fit guy for his age and she’s a little dynamo, so they are good together.
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