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Old 04-01-2016, 02:28 PM
ERH ERH started this thread
 
Location: Cary, NC
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I know two men, one in his 60s and the other in his late 70s, who sought female companionship within roughly 2-3 months of their spouse dying. Both men shared decades-long relationships with their spouses. I recognize there is no set period of mourning, but is this commonplace? I know more widows than I do widowers, but I can't cite a single instance of one of those women replacing the love of their lives quite that quickly.
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Old 04-01-2016, 02:50 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ERH View Post
I know two men, one in his 60s and the other in his late 70s, who sought female companionship within roughly 2-3 months of their spouse dying. Both men shared decades-long relationships with their spouses. I recognize there is no set period of mourning, but is this commonplace? I know more widows than I do widowers, but I can't cite a single instance of one of those women replacing the love of their lives quite that quickly.

I don't know if it is common or not. All of the widowers that I know, except for one, all married for 50 years or more never dated, or even apparently thought of dating, after their wives died.


I know one gentleman who started dating a few months after his wife of 50 some years died. He was absolutely helpless in the house. He did not even know how to make a can of soup on the stove or heat a TV dinner or make toast. He did not know how to do the laundry or clean. Frankly, If I did not know that he had a two year associates degree and had held a very responsible job I would have thought that he was cognitively handicapped. It appeared that he started dating and quickly married because he could not afford to hire a cook & housekeeper. Sadly, even with a pre-nup, she spent every dime that he and his first wife had saved during their 50 plus year marriage before he died several years later.


Did he love his second wife? I really don't know. But, he certainly appreciated that she was a good cook and could do the laundry and clean the house.

Last edited by germaine2626; 04-01-2016 at 03:00 PM..
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Old 04-01-2016, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
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With good reason on both parts. The men are looking because they need a woman to take care of them. The women are not looking because they already spent a lifetime caring for others! Fast is relative. If you lose your spouse after a long illness, you may have done most of your grieving while they were alive!

If you try to look at it from a purely logical point of view, the older your prospective new SO is, the fewer 'good' years you will likely have with them. And then it's back to the caregiving yet again. Cost VS benefit. If love enters the picture, we tend to throw logic out the window.

Polite society used to say one should wait a year or so. Probably smart not to make too many life changing decisions right away. There are financial considerations too. One or both of you may stand to lose money from SS, taxes, or widow's/widower benefits. I think money is one of the biggest reasons seniors choose not to re-marry.
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Old 04-01-2016, 06:22 PM
 
Location: Arizona
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The widows I know loved their husbands and miss them. They also say never again and I don't know of any that got remarried. They seem to have full lives without a spouse. The widowers are different. They need someone. They never lived alone in their life and aren't having an easy time of it.
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Old 04-01-2016, 06:23 PM
 
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It seemed like everyone of my parents friends and older neighbors, married very quick. None were handsome or rich imo. But I did see women come out of the woodwork and go after these widowers. When I was young, I figured there wasn't enough old men to go around.


Very seldom did a widow remarry, I cant even think of one offhand.
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Old 04-01-2016, 07:09 PM
 
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They say us old men are hunting for a "nurse with a purse"....


My second wife just past away last week from cancer. She was and I am 69 years old. Had been married for almost 13 years. My first wife passed away in 2002 from ALS, and I waited about 6 or 7 months before I dared even meet someone for lunch. But when I met Bobbie (my second wife) we both knew pretty quickly that we were a good match. She had been widowed in 2000, and swore she would never re-marry. We waited until my first wife had been gone for over a year, then we got married. Why wait? I certainly do not regret getting re-married that soon.


In both of my experiences, I knew there was not going to be a happy ending, and in effect, I started to grieve when we learned of the condition. I will say though, this time, now that I knocking on 70s door, I'm am worn out from being a primary care giver, and can't imagine putting myself in that position again. And I don't want anyone I love to have to take care of me. My son has strict instructions, when the time comes, to drop me off at the cheapest place he can find, give me a kiss on the forehead, and don't look back. But that's just me.
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Old 04-01-2016, 07:13 PM
 
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btw, I've learned to be self-sufficient. Cooking, house cleaning, laundry, etc. I have been doing all that for the past year. But certainly fellas who are a little older than me (and some younger) are clueless.
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Old 04-01-2016, 08:35 PM
 
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I talked to a woman once who had married a widower 6 months after the death of his first wife. She acknowledged that he just couldn't take care of himself. She made an off hand comment, though, that she has realized that this was "too soon." I'm not sure if that meant that he was still grieving, or what (I didn't know the woman well.) She said she didn't regret the marriage, but wishes they would have waited longer.

I actually was the subject of an attempted "pick-up" by an older man in the grocery store once. He approached me with questions about cooking, and ended up saying (because he could see, I guess, that I actually could cook) that he was looking for a wife to cook for him. Luckily, I was still married at the time, so that gave me an easy out.
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Old 04-01-2016, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
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I was a widow who remarried 6 years after the death of my husband. My new husband was a widower who remarried 5 years after the death of his wife.
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Old 04-01-2016, 10:02 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
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My wife and I were married for 40 years. She passed away 4 months ago after being ill for several years thus it was not a shock when it happened and we were as prepared as one can be.

I admit I am at the point where I want some female companionship including sex. I do not want to remarry or even live with a lady so I am debating/deciding on which way to go. A lady friend as involved with her or a "business arrangement" as in "clean my clock" then leave me alone until I call again.

Decisions, decisions.......LOL
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