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Old 04-05-2016, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Tract Home near the Mountains
26 posts, read 29,191 times
Reputation: 34

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My husband always tells me he wants a margarita party when he dies, and wants me and his kids to go to Hanalei Bay in Kauai and spread his ashes. I have absolutely no issues with his request. Throw a celebration of life party, serve her favorite food and drink and tell stories about her. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
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Old 04-05-2016, 08:05 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
8,013 posts, read 6,786,512 times
Reputation: 10759
My wife and I donated our bodies to the Univ. of SC, School of Medicine. They remove the remains within 24 hours of death. There is no cost involved. They have a once a year Memorial Service for those that have done so. They also have a Memorial Garden/Plaza which one can visit. What the family does to honor the person is up to the family.

The yearly non-denominational Memorial Service is this coming Friday, at 5pm.
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Old 04-05-2016, 09:17 PM
 
6 posts, read 4,708 times
Reputation: 35
Gee. I somehow don't share your laissez faire attitudes about death. My mother's loving arms are reduced to ashes. I feel no need to throw a cocktail party to mark the occasion of her incineration....and will impose no such trite requests upon my loved ones after I die.
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Old 04-05-2016, 09:23 PM
 
6 posts, read 4,708 times
Reputation: 35
As for honoring my mother's wishes, I have.

But if she were still here, we'd argue about this. Doors would slam and there would be tears. Oh, how I wish for one more talk with her, even an argument, tonight. My mom would get this. It doesn't matter if you do. She would understand.

Oh how I pray there may still be dignity in death. Don't you remember?
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Old 04-05-2016, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,582 posts, read 3,041,618 times
Reputation: 9512
Because we have a small cemetary where my grandparents are buried, outside their married lifetime church, our mom wanted to be buried with them, but there was no room for a regular casket and decided to be cremated so she could be placed in an urn between them.
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Old 04-05-2016, 10:15 PM
 
Location: State of Denial
1,678 posts, read 781,612 times
Reputation: 8577
I had a memorial service for my husband a few weeks after he died; it was at his favorite fish camp on his favorite fishing lake. We had bbq and beer, stories and tall tales, tears and laughter. It was on a Sunday afternoon, so people didn't have to miss work, it gave out-of-towners time to arrange time off work and get good airfares. Nobody was "raw" with grief. Afterwards, we went out on the lake in a group of boats to scatter his ashes. Then we came back, finished off the bbq and drank the rest of the beer.

He would have come back and haunted me if I had had a traditional funeral for him; I know he would have enjoyed his memorial service. He was just probably ticked off that he didn't get to go fishing.

My father always wanted a Viking funeral but the Coast Guard looked unfavorably on setting a perfectly good boat on fire and setting it adrift, so we had to settle for a luau on the beach with a bonfire and fireworks at dusk.

My mother wants her ashes scattered at the mall and then for everyone to go buy some nice shoes. OK, mom, I'll try to comply.....

Me? Scatter me over a waterfall, please.
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Old 04-05-2016, 11:51 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,846 posts, read 21,907,827 times
Reputation: 27896
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeachSalsa View Post
My mother had told my father she did not want a funeral either. However, she died very unexpectedly and my father NEEDED to have a funeral for her. So we had a funeral. It was a very nice funeral, attended by hundreds of people.

Those closest need to decide what is best for them, IMO.

OP, my condolences. May you find peace.
I agree. I wholeheartedly agree! I wish to be cremated and have my ashes scattered...quietly. But, I told my son that he could do whatever he wanted that would give him some peace of mind. If he wants to have a "proper" funeral, fine. If he wants to hire a space and provide food and beverages, have people stop by and sign a guest book, great. It's no longer about me.
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Old 04-06-2016, 04:28 AM
 
Location: Canada
5,189 posts, read 3,680,744 times
Reputation: 13652
Things are changing and I think for the better! Funeral homes make thousands of dollars on funerals.

It used to be that people had to host big fancy funerals with flowers,coffee and snacks in a lunch room, expensive open caskets. As they were in the early stages of their grief the family had to stand for hours at the funeral home greeting friends and relatives.

It seems that more and more people are opting out of this practice for cremations with no funeral service. That's what my my hubby and I both want. Nothing fancy, just spread my ashes in my flower garden beside the lake at our cottage. If he wants to have a few friends gather at the lake to say goodbye, that's fine with me. Nothing fancy.

What do YOU do with the ashes? Think about it... If everyone in your family through the generations keep the urns, where do you store all of them? Where do you draw the line and dispose of them? WHERE do you dispose them?
Are you going to line them all up and say: "That's great-great grandma, that's grandpa, that's grandma, that's grandma's sister, that's auntie Mae, that's uncle Billy, that's cousin Joe?"

A girlfriend of mine wants her ashes to be spread in the lake near an island where she caught a big fish one time. She has asked me to make sure this is done. Her daughter doesn't want this, so I think I'm in for a fight if my girlfriend goes before I do. Her daughter should just follow her mom's wishes.

The way I see it, if the daughter gets her way and keeps the Urn, then what happens when the daughter dies? Do the daughter's children take the urn and keep it in the back of their closet just because it's grandma's ashes in there?
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Old 04-06-2016, 06:21 AM
 
33,096 posts, read 12,635,493 times
Reputation: 21006
Quote:
Originally Posted by hunterseat View Post
Have a memorial to celebrate her life. I'd invite people because no one reads newspapers anymore.
Exactly.

There is comfort to be had in celebrating her life, telling the stories, saying good by with the people who loved her.

Personally, I think this is difficult to do sitting in a church pew, staring at a casket.
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Old 04-06-2016, 06:25 AM
 
33,096 posts, read 12,635,493 times
Reputation: 21006
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
Things are changing and I think for the better! Funeral homes make thousands of dollars on funerals.

It used to be that people had to host big fancy funerals with flowers,coffee and snacks in a lunch room, expensive open caskets. As they were in the early stages of their grief the family had to stand for hours at the funeral home greeting friends and relatives.

It seems that more and more people are opting out of this practice for cremations with no funeral service. That's what my my hubby and I both want. Nothing fancy, just spread my ashes in my flower garden beside the lake at our cottage. If he wants to have a few friends gather at the lake to say goodbye, that's fine with me. Nothing fancy.

What do YOU do with the ashes? Think about it... If everyone in your family through the generations keep the urns, where do you store all of them? Where do you draw the line and dispose of them? WHERE do you dispose them?
Are you going to line them all up and say: "That's great-great grandma, that's grandpa, that's grandma, that's grandma's sister, that's auntie Mae, that's uncle Billy, that's cousin Joe?"

A girlfriend of mine wants her ashes to be spread in the lake near an island where she caught a big fish one time. She has asked me to make sure this is done. Her daughter doesn't want this, so I think I'm in for a fight if my girlfriend goes before I do. Her daughter should just follow her mom's wishes.

The way I see it, if the daughter gets her way and keeps the Urn, then what happens when the daughter dies? Do the daughter's children take the urn and keep it in the back of their closet just because it's grandma's ashes in there?
I agree. All this is missing is the headstone for future generations to stand around.

I hate thinking of my dad's body buried in a metal box, in a concrete vault, third from the end of of row H7.

He loved the outdoors, was a farmer to the depth of his soul. I would much prefer to think of his body nourishing a tree or garden somewhere.
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