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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 18 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,356,252 times
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A friend of mine does this. Is this a typical thing people do to talk about their loved ones all the time that has passed many years ago.? She always talk about how she misses them and how things aren't the same without them. Including a cat that she had.
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,489 posts, read 8,808,426 times
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I don't but plenty of people do. I've lost a husband, parents, grandparents, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, cats, and dogs. I normally grieve quietly and don't bother others.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,568,915 times
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Sometimes people need to talk about losses because they feel that if they don't, they'll forget them (which isn't true), and sometimes people talk about losses because they're stuck emotionally and can't go forward. It might be that they're constantly reminded of their lost loved ones by little everyday things, and they talk about them a lot.
I'm like maggie, above, in that I've lost my husband, parents, grandparents, a cousin, aunts, uncles, cats, dogs and friends. Talking about my husband, whose been gone for 5 1/2 years, still gives me a huge lump in my throat, and brings me to tears easily. So, I rarely talk about him, other than to family members who don't mind when I choke up and start crying. I miss him desperately, still, so I suppose I'm stuck emotionally to an extent, too...
I don't find that a lot of people do, but I have had people do that. My uncle died after longstanding medical issues that just progressively got worse, but he was only about 70 when he died. His wife, who was my age, was super-depressed after he died and every time you talked to her, it was "I miss him, things just aren't the same...". And this was quite awhile after he died. My uncle's siblings, who are the type who always find humor in every situation and never wallow in grief, were very uncomfortable with this. They had had much tragedy and loss in their large family, including a brother who was killed as a teenager in a car crash, children who died and a father who committed suicide, so they have learned to cope with loss and felt she should not be dwelling on this forever, or at least not talking about it forever. I think the grief goes on for years, but people get uncomfortable if you continue to talk about it for years.
I think that people can start to build their identity around their losses. When we lose someone who is very important to our daily lives, we have to basically rebuild our lives and goals. We have to establish an identity separate from the person, identify our interests, what makes life meaningful, what our goals and priorities are. It takes time, and I think it takes courage to step away from the patterns we may have been comfortable with for years, but it seems necessary if we are to enjoy life again. If, instead, we think of ourselves primarily as people of loss, it will forever identify us that way. I don't mean to say that the loss can be forgotten - it can't. The loved one will always be loved, and will always be missing. But I think we can build lives looking forward. Ultimately, I think that is what our loved one would have wanted for us. We all want to be remembered, but few people want the ones they love to be mired in grief, to be known as a person permanently in a state of mourning.
I still feel personal grief occasionally after almost 8 years but it isn't ''mourning'' like it was early on. I'm talking once every few months or more. Losing a spouse is like losing a huge part of yourself -- G Grasshopper is correct - one has to take stock and move ahead and rebuild. Grief and mourning can take up that empty space if you let it.
Yes, it's normal. The nature of your grief, even the feelings about loss change, but it's still there. I don't usually talk about them, but they were a part of my life. Sometimes, you can't properly recount an experience without mentioning the deceased. Hey, they were there.
I still miss my dog Bonnie. She's been gone for 25 years.
Some people are just too busy or too numb to grieve for a long time. My husband died 20 months ago and I have been so busy with work that I have not had time to have the luxury of grief. I cry at night and think "You can't do this, you have to get some sleep so you can get up tomorrow for work." I cry in the shower and think "You can't do this, you have to be able to put makeup on and go to work." Now that I have slowed down a bit, it's all coming...and because it's been nearly two years everything thinks I should be "over it" -- whatever that means.
Everyone handles loss and grief differently because we are all different and our relationships with those lost loved ones are all different.
I've often wondered if people (friends and family) think I'm weird because I'm not a crier. Is anyone else like that?
Because I don't cry doesn't mean I'm not grieving. Crying comes to me very occasionally and usually when I'm alone.
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