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Old 05-04-2016, 06:00 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 7,690,833 times
Reputation: 12385

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disgustedman View Post
I send them out often. Mainly to families who announce their gay kids marriage....
Bit strong on this thread dont you think?

A bit more respect is needed
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Old 05-14-2016, 03:56 PM
 
8,218 posts, read 8,495,554 times
Reputation: 10182
Pre-printed sympathy greeting cards have never been "in style." They've always been considered tacky and lazy.

Hand-written condolence notes will always be "in style," always be proper.

However, if you sent notifications by email - well, you reap what you sow. I had death announcements printed and sent them.
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Old 05-14-2016, 04:33 PM
 
Location: SW US
1,993 posts, read 1,851,090 times
Reputation: 3349
I have no objection at all to people responding to me via Email with sympathy. I have no objection to people calling me to express sympathy. I have no objection to people sending me sympathy cards, in fact, I like them and save them. What I find rude is totally ignoring the news of a close family member's death.

Since I first posted, I have gotten sympathy cards or letters or calls from all but two people. One of those may have died as she was quite old. I just got the latest card last week, about 6 weeks after Mom's death.
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Old 05-14-2016, 04:49 PM
 
12,913 posts, read 19,782,209 times
Reputation: 33910
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida View Post
Pre-printed sympathy greeting cards have never been "in style." They've always been considered tacky and lazy.

Hand-written condolence notes will always be "in style," always be proper.

However, if you sent notifications by email - well, you reap what you sow. I had death announcements printed and sent them.
I have no problem with pre-printed cards. They are almost always accompanied by a hand-written note anyway. But even if they only contain a signature, somebody took the time to send one.
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Old 05-14-2016, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
10,713 posts, read 19,040,812 times
Reputation: 14668
I agree that there is no problem w/preprinted sympathy cards - they are NOT TACKY!! It's appreciated IMO (and I've been on the receiving end) to receive them, it's obviously nicer to add a personal note to them and not just sign but.... it hurts worse to not even hear from some.
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Old 05-14-2016, 09:07 PM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,247,246 times
Reputation: 4549
I agree that preprinted sympathy cards are not tacky. People do take time to pick out the ones that seem right, and they also often write their own message.
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Old 05-14-2016, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
13,138 posts, read 7,387,994 times
Reputation: 27253
I don't see what purpose a sympathy card serves. If someone who is close to you dies and a friend says, "I'm sorry," it doesn't really help and doesn't make you feel any less empty, especially if they haven't experienced that kind of loss themselves. Yes, they are trying to help, but it really doesn't. If the person who died wasn't close to you, you don't really feel their loss anyway. I think a phone call serves the purpose of a sympathy card just as well. I don't think an email is helpful, and certainly not a text in that situation.
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Old 05-14-2016, 11:08 PM
 
5,644 posts, read 6,454,699 times
Reputation: 4928
Quote:
Originally Posted by Windwalker2 View Post
I have no objection at all to people responding to me via Email with sympathy. I have no objection to people calling me to express sympathy. I have no objection to people sending me sympathy cards, in fact, I like them and save them. What I find rude is totally ignoring the news of a close family member's death.

Since I first posted, I have gotten sympathy cards or letters or calls from all but two people. One of those may have died as she was quite old. I just got the latest card last week, about 6 weeks after Mom's death.
I'm very sorry for the loss of your mom.

When my mom died in 1989, the adult son of her best friend (also deceased), sent us a sympathy card with the most lovely letter about how wonderful mom was and how much he and his family cared for her. I still have that letter almost 30 years later. Cards and notes from friends and family mean a lot. Any expression of caring is comforting.
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Old 05-15-2016, 01:11 AM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,247,246 times
Reputation: 4549
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
I don't see what purpose a sympathy card serves. If someone who is close to you dies and a friend says, "I'm sorry," it doesn't really help and doesn't make you feel any less empty, especially if they haven't experienced that kind of loss themselves. Yes, they are trying to help, but it really doesn't. If the person who died wasn't close to you, you don't really feel their loss anyway. I think a phone call serves the purpose of a sympathy card just as well. I don't think an email is helpful, and certainly not a text in that situation.
When you see a friend and they say "I'm sorry" I think this is honestly the best thing they can say. There are so many other overused phrases that are, frankly, hurtful and thoughtless. Of course it doesn't make you feel better - there really is nothing that they could say that would make you feel better - but the other person has acknowledge the loss. And while I agree that people who have not experienced a similar loss may not entirely get what you are feeling, they know it is hard, so why not say they are sorry for what you are going through? Although you are right that a phone call could serve just as well as a card, one might not be close enough to the person to make a call. When my husband died, I had cards from all kinds of people that I had never had a conversation with. It would have been awkward for them to call me when I was in such deep grief, considering that we didn't know each other well, but I appreciated the thoughtfulness they showed in sending a card. I agree that an email is not the best way to do this, although in this age, emails are a common substitute for letters. And a text would be completely unacceptable in my book.
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Old 05-17-2016, 03:47 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,628,561 times
Reputation: 33226
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
I don't see what purpose a sympathy card serves. If someone who is close to you dies and a friend says, "I'm sorry," it doesn't really help and doesn't make you feel any less empty, especially if they haven't experienced that kind of loss themselves. Yes, they are trying to help, but it really doesn't. If the person who died wasn't close to you, you don't really feel their loss anyway. I think a phone call serves the purpose of a sympathy card just as well. I don't think an email is helpful, and certainly not a text in that situation.

Well let me explain it to you. A card is something you can hold onto, and it can bring you comfort later on. It also shows some effort by the person who sent it. Most people take the time to pick out an appropriate card and write something it in as well. That certainly beats an email with a sad face.

I got a card from two doctor's offices after my dad passed, I was moved. I also got a card from a woman I grew up with(hadn't seen or spoke with her in decades but she found my dad passed), she wrote a few paragraphs in her card about our childhood. She is also a teacher and was using some stories about my dad in her classroom, again very moving.

That's the purpose of sympathy cards.
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