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Old 04-26-2016, 11:47 AM
 
Location: SW US
1,992 posts, read 1,851,090 times
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My Mom died recently. I notified all my friends via Email, and then went through her address book notifying her friends and our relatives by handwritten note. Most of the Email people replied via Email that they were sorry to hear it. One said I was lucky to have had my Mom so long when hers had died younger, which seemed kind of snarky. Out of all the notifications, I got only one sympathy card. And only one person who asked who to donate to in her name. None of the people I notified by mail, which took a long time to do, even acknowledged I had sent the notice. I had mailed cards to many of these people when their parents died.

So I'm wondering if sending sympathy cards, or acknowledging someone's death, is no longer done? I still send cards and/or call. What experiences have others had?
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Old 04-26-2016, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Arizona
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When my parents died most of the sympathy cards came from their friends, not mine. I did not notify my friends. Some friends saw the obituaries in the newspaper and sent them.

A handwritten note takes quite awhile to be delivered in some cases. I only did that to a few people that lived way too far away to attend the funeral.

Why didn't you call the people in your mothers address book? Was there an obituary so people she knew but you didn't would know about her death? I hope you didn't write a note to her siblings. That should be a phone call immediately after the death. Any local relatives should find out the same day as the death.

I still send sympathy cards. Always have some on hand. Most people I know do.
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Old 04-26-2016, 12:43 PM
 
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It is still good manners and a considerate gesture to send a sympathy card. The American people have gotten out of the habit of using US mail, and have, frankly, gotten lazy. We are so tied into our screens, we forget about courtesy and consideration on a person-to-person basis. So it doesn't happen as much as it used to, but it is, to me, a better way to go than over electronic media. It is much more personal (as is calling,) and when talking about something as close to the heart as a death, the personal approach seems best to me. Others may disagree.
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Old 04-26-2016, 01:37 PM
 
5,605 posts, read 4,158,119 times
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I'm at the age where I keep a stock of sympathy cards in the house since my friends parents are dropping like files. I like to write a hand written note. Old fashioned maybe, but that's what I like to do.
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Old 04-26-2016, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY
30,388 posts, read 9,081,069 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
It is still good manners and a considerate gesture to send a sympathy card. The American people have gotten out of the habit of using US mail, and have, frankly, gotten lazy. We are so tied into our screens, we forget about courtesy and consideration on a person-to-person basis. So it doesn't happen as much as it used to, but it is, to me, a better way to go than over electronic media. It is much more personal (as is calling,) and when talking about something as close to the heart as a death, the personal approach seems best to me. Others may disagree.

Agreed.
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Old 04-26-2016, 02:00 PM
 
Location: Here and There
2,539 posts, read 3,272,156 times
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I understand what you mean, but this day in age I'm not really surprised. You notified your friends via email, I would sort of expect a reply back via email, except for exceptionally close friends, then maybe a phone call or card. I normally send a plant or donate to a charity of their preference if we are close friends, but aquantinces, not so much. If it is posted on social media I respond with my sympathies for their loss.
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Old 04-26-2016, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Virginia
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Maybe I'm older (65), but I always send sympathy cards to people I know when they lose a loved one. They might be a former co-worker, a neighbor, friend, etc.; it's just always appropriate IMO.
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Old 04-26-2016, 05:52 PM
 
Location: East of the Mississippi and South of Bluegrass
4,096 posts, read 3,386,997 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
It is still good manners and a considerate gesture to send a sympathy card. The American people have gotten out of the habit of using US mail, and have, frankly, gotten lazy. We are so tied into our screens, we forget about courtesy and consideration on a person-to-person basis. So it doesn't happen as much as it used to, but it is, to me, a better way to go than over electronic media. It is much more personal (as is calling,) and when talking about something as close to the heart as a death, the personal approach seems best to me. Others may disagree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by UNC4Me View Post
I'm at the age where I keep a stock of sympathy cards in the house since my friends parents are dropping like files. I like to write a hand written note. Old fashioned maybe, but that's what I like to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bungalove View Post
Maybe I'm older (65), but I always send sympathy cards to people I know when they lose a loved one. They might be a former co-worker, a neighbor, friend, etc.; it's just always appropriate IMO.
Are Sympathy Cards Out of Style?

Like Delahanty, I agree as well with the other posters here as I have always (and still do) send out a sympathy card even when I am able to attend the wake. Some things may go "out of style" but I think it's a personal choice or preference.
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Old 04-26-2016, 06:15 PM
 
Location: SW US
1,992 posts, read 1,851,090 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
When my parents died most of the sympathy cards came from their friends, not mine. I did not notify my friends. Some friends saw the obituaries in the newspaper and sent them.

A handwritten note takes quite awhile to be delivered in some cases. I only did that to a few people that lived way too far away to attend the funeral.

Why didn't you call the people in your mothers address book? Was there an obituary so people she knew but you didn't would know about her death? I hope you didn't write a note to her siblings. That should be a phone call immediately after the death. Any local relatives should find out the same day as the death.

I still send sympathy cards. Always have some on hand. Most people I know do.
My parents retired far from home, across the country. No relatives moved with them except my sibling and I. Mom had no siblings. I put a death notice in the paper back home, and wrote to the relatives I had contact info for. No one from back East would have attended the funeral, and we didn't want people to feel they had to send flowers. I put the obituary in the local paper out here and one person did send a donation in her name. She outlived most, maybe all, of her friends and cohort relatives. The contact info for back East was years old, but I wrote to people I knew were relatives. I tried calling one of her women friends in another state who had been widowed and remarried even though I didn't really know if the info I found was current. I got an answering machine that did not identify who I had reached, but I left my name and number and got no call back. What else do you think I should have done?

I bought a bunch of sympathy cards years ago and send them whenever someone I know loses someone close.
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Old 04-27-2016, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,577 posts, read 4,780,727 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Windwalker2 View Post
My parents retired far from home, across the country. No relatives moved with them except my sibling and I. Mom had no siblings. I put a death notice in the paper back home, and wrote to the relatives I had contact info for. No one from back East would have attended the funeral, and we didn't want people to feel they had to send flowers. I put the obituary in the local paper out here and one person did send a donation in her name. She outlived most, maybe all, of her friends and cohort relatives. The contact info for back East was years old, but I wrote to people I knew were relatives. I tried calling one of her women friends in another state who had been widowed and remarried even though I didn't really know if the info I found was current. I got an answering machine that did not identify who I had reached, but I left my name and number and got no call back. What else do you think I should have done?

I bought a bunch of sympathy cards years ago and send them whenever someone I know loses someone close.
You could have mentioned that in the OP. You mentioned email to your friends and notes to hers.
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