Married Guy didn't give me closure !!!! Please help!!!!

[janet16]

I'm a 33 year old female. This is the first time I'm posting something here seeking suggestions & advice . I really need them right now please.

So, like 2 years ago I met a guy online. I'm a 33 year old , independent girl in Technology field in DC , looking for a relationship . I met a guy online in 2014 . We both exchanged numbers, company information & etc. He is a CEO of a defense consulting firm in DC & not to mention he is a millionaire . The reason I mention this is b/c he did not hide his company information in DC, his desk office phone & soon we both started texting / emailing to his work email & work number directly. That gave me a lot of trust & confidence that he is not playing around & etc.I have informed him I have no kids, never married & looking for a relation & not games. He mentioned he is in the similar boat, never married & no kids whatsoever.

Within a week he asked me out but it was me, I was a bit travelling for work on a off & also wanted to first text & talk few times over phone , get to know him & then go on a date in person. So, I kinda gave a rain check a couple of times & soon I had to relocate to Chicago for work ( temporary assignment for a year). When I left to IL , I did not even make a point to text him since I was busy myself relocating. He soon texted me again within two weeks gap but surprisingly since even though I relocated he continued to communicate, call me, text me long distance. He would check on me almost every week if I didn't call him or text him. I was really surprised & loved all the attention he was giving me. He continued to live in DC & I continued to live in IL . He again asked me out like three to four times in a year but it never worked out. I'm the one to blame not him. I was exploring having fun in Chicago that I didn't bother much to make actual plans. One day I have asked him if I can add him on FB. He indicated he has deleted FB years ago after starting to work for Pentagon since he has a Security Clearance & etc, so he avoids social networking altogether.

I felt it made sense & never kind of suspected him since I would directly text to his cell or office or personal email etc. We both never bothered to even exchange home phone numbers. But he would show me all the interest, telling me how beautiful I am, (He would ask me my pictures every weekend when I get ready & go out). telling me how amazing I am & that he is falling in love with me & can't wait to see me. He would never ignore my texts & no matter where he is around the world travelling he would always respond ( though delayed by a day or two sometimes).


He would text me without fail on all important occasions like Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas without fail. I meant, like Thanksgiving is a special day we spend with our family. For a guy I haven't even met I would not waste my time texting to him but he would take time on these special days & would wish me to make sure I had happy holidays.


This continued until last week. Last Sunday, I was on my computer & kind felt like doing a background check on him. ( Not even sure why but perhaps god made me have this feeling) . I sat in front of my laptop & used few sites googling his first name, last name , company information etc. Surprisingly, I found out that he is infact 'married' man with a wife & two kinds living in the suburban DC in a 3 million dollar mansion. He is not 34 ( as he claimed), the site claimed he is 44.

The site also pointed me to few pictures posted by his wife on few social networking sites.


My heart just broke. I was in denial the entire day, Not sure how to ask or approach him with the evidence I found, I was debating the entire day. That evening, I went out with friends, out of sorrow I had alcohol & got into a DUI. ( My first DUI ever in life)

That was how much I was heartbroken. The next morning, I build up all the courage & texted him with all the evidence I found asking him why he had to lie to me like this. The texts were very long & detailed.


I have informed him of how heartbroken I was that I found out he is married with kids. & that I started to love him, he was already close to my heart though we never met & I have not expected all this lies from him. I told him how unsettling it has been that I myself got in trouble with the law for drunk driving. I told him I have been weeping for days & it has been very upsetting me since I liked him so much & never expected this behavior from him. I have informed him I wanted to date him after we meet in person but he lied to me & how broken my heart is, how devastated it has been with the fact that he lied his age, his marital status , lied about his kids & etc.


The guy never responded to my long texts - why?

I waited for a day, two days, called him, it went to VM , wrote him emails but he never bothered to even respond, apologize & say sorry for breaking my heart.



why did he not give me closure. why did he not apologise or confess? Did he plead his fifth? was he afraid if he apologizes, it would be an indirect confession & I could take him to court & seek his money? ( He is a millionaire & I am not)

I pleaded him to respond, reply, give me a reason as to why he did it but he totally ignored my texts


why? - Did he not care for my feelings? - A guy who would 'take time' to text m on Thanksgiving, Halloween, Valentines day, Christmas day, NYE , who cared for my feelings so much, has suddenly disappeared when I confronted him with evidence??


was he really afraid I might approach his wife ? did he not care for my feelings?

did he not love me whatsoever nor cared for my feelings?

I loved him equally & he was close to my heart. We both wanted to date each other soon after I moved back to DC & wanted to go on dates..Please help me ..why did he lie to me in the first place - was he afraid he would lose me had he disclosed we was married ..2 years is a long time for us to text back & forth, we had the connection developed..it's so painful..please tell me what would he have thought about not disclosing he is married..


especially guys, I want to understand what was he thinking all this while & why did he not respond me & give me a closure!! Please help!!!!

[hothulamaui]

this should be in the relationship folder not grief and mourning. as to your op, some men are pigs, you found one.

[JanND]

Sorry...sounds like you were "cat fished" there will not be closure from him, you'll have to get that on your own.

I strongly suggest that you seek counseling. Your post suggests that you have some personal issues that you should deal with, reasons that you got involved in such a situation in the first place.

He is not your problem, he is simply the result of some personal issues that you should deal with. Issues that made you vulnerable to someone like him.

Get some help so that you can have a healthy relationship in the future.

And, the guy you were visiting with online might simply have pretended to be the man you found when you searched. There are people that pretend to be someone they aren't.

Good luck to you.

[Tracysherm]

Duplicate post. Also in "Relationships"




Married Guy didn't give me closure !!!! Please help!!!!

[seain dublin]

OP, you don't fall in love with someone you never met in person.

And you shouldn't even be posting this on grief and mourning, it's insulting to people who have lost loved ones.

You need a good therapist.