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Old 05-11-2016, 10:22 AM
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,841 posts, read 51,301,408 times
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The variety of survivor experiences makes any one "correct" answer impossible. Two things can make a substantial difference; a close friend or relative or two as a support (by close I mean people who are willing to talk or be with you for hours if need be), and getting outside of the "self" and involved in helping others in some fashion.

One concept I use from time to time is remembering that time is simply a dimension, much like height width and depth. We accept loved ones going on long business trips or being in military service, and recognize that their existence is not negated by their physically being distant. Similarly, the real existence of a loved one is not negated by death. That existence is less accessible to us, and less subject to change, but that is about all. As we all face mortality, it is also important to recognize that the experience of loss is also temporary, no matter what one's religious beliefs.
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Old 05-11-2016, 12:18 PM
Location: Arizona
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I don't think anyone knows what another person needs when it comes to grief counseling. I do know that if you think you need it you should go. If you don't like it go to another one. Don't just quit because of the first one you went to.

I have always heard good things about hospice grief counseling but I am sure it varies by location.
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Old 05-11-2016, 04:55 PM
Status: "The violence and killing has to stop!!." (set 12 hours ago)
Location: Lark Farm
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Originally Posted by Townandcountrygal View Post
When a person is grieving the loss of a soulmate spouse, how does he or she know if grief counseling is needed?
First of all I'm sorry that you need to ask this question. Grieving is so stressful.

I lost both parents and both of my siblings in a relatively short span. Counseling gave me the skills I needed to work through such a major loss.

I would highly recommend a private counselor. Just asking or thinking about counseling is a sign that you would benefit from it.
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Old 05-11-2016, 09:02 PM
Location: Tulare County, Ca
1,031 posts, read 607,053 times
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Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
This really rings true to me. I did avail myself of both individual counseling and an 8 week spousal loss group. Both were very helpful for me. Then I moved across the country. I thought I would be doing fine by now (almost a year and a half) but I find myself in just this situation: low mood, low interest, wanting to just sit even if I know there is a lot to do. I find myself saying "none of this matters" instead of being enthusiastic. And I sleep only 5-6 hours a night, even though I don't have a reason to get up early, I do. Maybe its time to fine a counselor or a group in my new home. I think I am still grieving, even though I cry only occasionally.
I'm experiencing the exact same symptoms GG. My husband was terminally ill and suffering terribly, and on Christmas day the same year your husband passed, he took his own life. I hope you can find some help in your new area. Alas, for me there has been none. I've not been able to find any support groups very close. I'd really like to find a good psychiatrist but the only one I tried around here needed her own shrink. Good luck in your search. This is a horrible club we belong to. Are our symptoms those of PTSD?
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Old 05-12-2016, 01:31 AM
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I don't think I would call what I feel PTSD. I had some PTSD because of the truly horrible 24 hours when my husband was first diagnosed - actually the first hour. I slept hardly at all for a few years because I was hypervigilent and had all kinds of typical symptoms. But compared to those who get PTSD in a really major way, like soldiers in war situations, mine was fairly minor. I got help for that when my husband was still alive. My son knew how I was suffering and sent me to a sort of spiritual retreat for 5 days, and that is where my PTSD was resolved. For me, I think that is in the past. But I am just still grieving, and the sadness and difficulty with interest in life is, I think, coming from my grief at having lost my great love and my life companion. I think people do sometimes go through some very traumatic stuff, and I know PTSD is possible. I think some kind of help is necessary for that. For me, faith played a big role. Janellen, I have never had a loved one take his own life, but I am sure it is a huge trauma. And I know that feelings of guilt and anger can complicate the grieving process and make it more difficult to heal. I do hope you can find some help.
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Old 05-12-2016, 09:43 AM
Location: Tulare County, Ca
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Thanks GG. I'll ask my primary physician if he knows a good therapist. I do not feel any guilt or anger. I fully understand why he took the road he did. The morning of his passing he told me he loved me and thanked me for all I had done for him. He made sure someone else was with me (his niece) when he took his life. He was very ill, his organs were shutting down, and he didn't want to die in the hospital. He just wanted to end the physical suffering and I'm content with his decision. I, like you, am just sad. We were married for 46 years. I still miss him, as you do yours. I'll try to work on my faith more. That's a good suggestion and I'm not as disgusted with God as I was early on.

Reading your posts here in this forum have been really helpful, so thank you so much for sharing.
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Old 05-12-2016, 10:04 AM
294 posts, read 214,173 times
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In my humble opinion, everyone needs some form of counseling.

We all deal with grief differently but having a professional or even a support group could be beneficial to the healing process. Only you can determine when you are ready to go. Everyone could tell you to go but one day, you will have enough cognitive dissonance to do it for yourself and that's when it would be most effective.
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Old 05-12-2016, 10:20 AM
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I am sorry for your pain.
Everyone needs someone to talk to in a safe environment. Grief counseling could provide that.
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Old 05-15-2016, 08:42 PM
1,792 posts, read 4,573,153 times
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Very helpful responses to my post. I thank you all for your advice and sharing your personal grief.My heart goes out to all of you here who have experienced the loss of loved ones. The condolences to me are premature. My grieving began early, just a month ago. My husband was diagnosed in August, 2016 with advanced metastatic cancer. The treatments did nothing for him; the cancer has been aggressive. He is near the end now. I'm his 24/7 caregiver as no home hospice is available in our very rural area. He is my soulmate, my best friend, and I cry a few tears every day and know the monsoon of tears is yet to come.
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Old 05-16-2016, 12:33 AM
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I am so sorry. This is just devastating, I know. I hope you have a supportive community around you. My prayers go out to you.
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