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Old 05-08-2016, 10:10 PM
 
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When a person is grieving the loss of a soulmate spouse, how does he or she know if grief counseling is needed?
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Old 05-09-2016, 12:03 AM
 
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I would say that if you feel like you really want to talk about your loss, your feelings, your dreams, your feelings about the future, and if you feel that there isn't a friend or family member who is a good listener or who has understanding of your situation, try some counseling. Sometimes a group can be helpful, too. Call your local hospice to see if they have a spousal loss group. I found mine to be really helpful. Those folks really did understand what it is to lose someone who truly was your "other half."

I have found that among my friends, only those who have had a similar loss could truly understand what this does to your life. Someone who is a trained counselor also can be very understanding. I would not presume that everyone needs counseling, but trying it can't hurt. It might even by covered by insurance. You can always stop if you don't like it.

You have my sympathy on the loss of your spouse.
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Old 05-09-2016, 06:22 PM
ERH
 
Location: Cary, NC
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I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. I agree with G Grasshopper and would even go one step further to say that your initial visit with a counselor could be an exploration of whether or not you could benefit from his/her services. Of course, I'm a strong believer in therapy and its benefits. I see someone weekly for support of my clinical depression/general anxiety disorder diagnosis. My mother died in January, and a lot of the visits over the last few months have concentrated almost exclusively on grief. I find in my case that just when I think I have it handled, something new comes along and drags me back into the pit of despair, so I'm glad to have a therapist I'm familiar with (4 years and counting) to help me work through it.
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Old 05-09-2016, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Townandcountrygal View Post
When a person is grieving the loss of a soulmate spouse, how does he or she know if grief counseling is needed?
First of all, the fact you are even asking speaks to your need to discuss it..

However, the necessity lies in the fact that your grief directly affects your ability to think clearly, it affects your ability to sleep, your ability to accept your loss, do you have a good support system ?? Do you feel inability ability to move forward...Long long list OP~~

Believe it or not..there is no way to know from outsiders whether or not you require counselling..THAT my friend it up to you. Can you eventually move forward..Are YOU having difficulty accepting the loss..How does it affect you and how you envision your life post loss!!

All I can say is..No cookie cutter agenda/presciption!! It will always comes down to YOU specifically and your ability to move thru that cycle of acceptance of a loss of anyone dear to you!! Best of luck to you..because while it's never easy..It's a "Path of Life" not rare during anyone's life...
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Old 05-09-2016, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Ohio
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My grandma passed in 2012, i didnt get into grief counseling until 2013. I wish i had done it sooner. I lost my baby in 2009 and never went, i wish i had.
It can be so wonderful to just talk about it and cry!
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Old 05-09-2016, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Midland, MI
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Grief and depression are very similar actually. Lack of interest, low mood, trouble concentrating and sleeping, etc.

There are a few people in your life probably that you can talk to, but a therapist is someone who is actually going to listen, not change the subject or start yacking about Game of Thrones or whatever. That's the beauty of going to counseling.
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Old 05-09-2016, 07:32 PM
ERH
 
Location: Cary, NC
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Originally Posted by hhwtm View Post
Grief and depression are very similar actually. Lack of interest, low mood, trouble concentrating and sleeping, etc.
So true, and dealing with them simultaneously means (for me, at least) doing one of two things...either sleeping the day away or staring out the window at the birds flitting around the landscape.

The best advice my therapist has given me is to simply be kind to yourself. Give yourself the gift of grace. Let the bad days be bad days, and don't beat yourself up for not getting anything accomplished.

A few weeks ago, I was wringing my hands over all the things I needed to get done, and she asked me what, if anything, I could put on the back burner for a while. She asked me to think of my list as a balance beam and told me to "kick off" anything that was able to be put off. My immediate reaction: GRIEF IS THE BALANCE BEAM. There is nothing steady beneath my feet, nothing firm to ground me. Walking in grief feels like I'm walking in jello. Some days I wake up and I can function; others, not so much.

I try to give myself the gift of grace, find gratitude for what I have, and try not to wallow so much in what I don't have anymore (her).
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Old 05-09-2016, 10:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hhwtm View Post
Grief and depression are very similar actually. Lack of interest, low mood, trouble concentrating and sleeping, etc.
This really rings true to me. I did avail myself of both individual counseling and an 8 week spousal loss group. Both were very helpful for me. Then I moved across the country. I thought I would be doing fine by now (almost a year and a half) but I find myself in just this situation: low mood, low interest, wanting to just sit even if I know there is a lot to do. I find myself saying "none of this matters" instead of being enthusiastic. And I sleep only 5-6 hours a night, even though I don't have a reason to get up early, I do. Maybe its time to fine a counselor or a group in my new home. I think I am still grieving, even though I cry only occasionally.
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Old 05-09-2016, 11:01 PM
ERH
 
Location: Cary, NC
1,036 posts, read 1,494,913 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
This really rings true to me. I did avail myself of both individual counseling and an 8 week spousal loss group. Both were very helpful for me. Then I moved across the country. I thought I would be doing fine by now (almost a year and a half) but I find myself in just this situation: low mood, low interest, wanting to just sit even if I know there is a lot to do. I find myself saying "none of this matters" instead of being enthusiastic. And I sleep only 5-6 hours a night, even though I don't have a reason to get up early, I do. Maybe its time to fine a counselor or a group in my new home. I think I am still grieving, even though I cry only occasionally.
There's a quote floating around about moving *through* grief, not *past* it. Another one about grief being the ultimate price for having loved so fiercely (or some such). Grief sets its own calendar, my friend. A year and a half may seem like a long time, but to my mind, you're just settling in with it. If it's not grief itself, then perhaps it's depression stemming from your loss. Either way, seek help. Even the tiniest of changes can be the baby steps you need to move forward and find yourself again. We are forever changed, of course, but getting back to the person our loved ones knew and loved is, I think, a great tribute to them.



Blah blah blah fishcakes. Sorry for all the woo-woo. If I'd spouted that crap to myself yesterday, I'd have rolled my eyes and pulled the covers over my head. Take it for what it's worth (or come back to it later). Gentle hugs...
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Old 05-09-2016, 11:08 PM
 
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Thank you for caring, ERH. It isn't Blah, blah. Yes, I am going to look into finding something. And the saying is right about the cost of love. I still do love my husband dearly, and I miss him every single day. We loved deeply, and I guess I am paying the price.
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