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Old 05-20-2016, 08:10 PM
 
3,963 posts, read 5,248,587 times
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I think this is a conflict many of us have to deal with. We want all of this (the pain, the suffering, the poor quality of life, the stress, etc.) to be over, but at the same time, we don't want our loved one to die. What we really want is to have our loved one living, but healthy and happy. But we can't have that. Sometimes, after the person has died, we feel guilty about "wanting" them to die. But this is a time that we need to not give in to guilt. We did nothing wrong, we were just human and we wanted the pain to go away for everyone. We did the best we could. It is very stressful waiting for word that his life is over. And sometimes there is fear of how life will be without our loved one. But it is out of your hands. You can't change it one way or the other, so try to let the fear and anxiety go. Holding onto those emotions won't help anything.
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Old 05-23-2016, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Maryland
421 posts, read 884,867 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
My Dad is in the process of dying from cancer, and is in hospice care but at home. Every-time I get a phone call, I am on the edge of my seat thinking I hope this isn't the ultimate call to tell me he has passed. However, I know he is suffering so part of me (my head) thinks it would be good, but my heart is not accepting that!

Can anybody relate??

He shouldn't be physically suffering. My wife is a hospice nurse and they do everything possible to make sure that their patients are free of pain to the fullest extent possible.
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Old 05-23-2016, 05:33 PM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,220 posts, read 7,398,023 times
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My mother sat with her husband in the hospital for three days. When he had moments of lucidity, he would tell her she should go home and rest. Finally, a nurse spoke to her and told her she needed to go home and shower and eat something and have a nap, with a promise to call if anything changed.


Mother was walking in the door to the ringing phone, telling her that he had passed away. I am convinced that he didn't want her to witness his suffering, nor did he want her to remember the moment he was "gone".


I'm sorry for you and your family. We all face this and we all have the same ambivalent feelings.
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Old 05-23-2016, 10:56 PM
 
26,163 posts, read 14,457,966 times
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Unhappy  

Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot
I think most on here can relate.

In this case you should go with your head. His suffering longer won't do either of you any good.
No it wont really..... It just makes it harder and harder to see them suffering and your unable to do anything...

Peace and love to you and your dad bluemonday
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Old 06-02-2016, 07:57 AM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 958,108 times
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Thanks everyone for your input, he is still holding on...right now he gets his moments where he is very nasty and hard to talk to. I think that is the suffering coming through. Then again, he was a bit psychologically abusive to all us kids - its going to be an interesting feeling for me when he is gone...
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Old 06-02-2016, 11:20 AM
 
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Awwwwwwww thank you for letting us know!
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Old 06-02-2016, 07:43 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,540 posts, read 3,006,146 times
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My sister normally took care of mom but when she went on vacation I took over. Mom would come out of the bathroom holding her toothbrush & denture cleaners. She said they had to go with her. She also would get upset with me because I couldn't "see" the people across the lake that were waiting for her.


Soon after my sister returned, mom took a turn for the worse & the Dr. said she was going. My sister rented a hospital bed so mom could look at her precious lake & mom went into a coma and hospice stepped in.


She died at home & I am convinced the people she saw, who I didn't see, were waiting for her to cross.
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Old 06-03-2016, 12:49 AM
 
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Yes probably there was


Im so sorry.........
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Old 06-03-2016, 04:50 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
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Be strong <<<<{{{{hug>>>>}}}}}
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Old 06-03-2016, 08:21 AM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 958,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
My sister normally took care of mom but when she went on vacation I took over. Mom would come out of the bathroom holding her toothbrush & denture cleaners. She said they had to go with her. She also would get upset with me because I couldn't "see" the people across the lake that were waiting for her.


Soon after my sister returned, mom took a turn for the worse & the Dr. said she was going. My sister rented a hospital bed so mom could look at her precious lake & mom went into a coma and hospice stepped in.


She died at home & I am convinced the people she saw, who I didn't see, were waiting for her to cross.
I've heard stories like this, and I think my father is having a similar experience. Keeps saying he keeps dreaming about his brothers and sisters who have passed, as well as my Mom. He keeps talking like as if she is there, and I wonder...is she? to him?
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