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Old 06-03-2016, 12:44 PM
Location: SW US
2,000 posts, read 1,857,951 times
Reputation: 3354


When my Mom had a particularly bad day at the hospital, she told me in some detail about how she had spent it with her (long dead) mother running errands. At times she would tell me about visits from my (deceased) father. People tend to see that as dementia or hallucinations, but perhaps those who are gone do come close when the end is approaching.
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Old 06-03-2016, 02:32 PM
Location: Renton - Fairwood, Washington
759 posts, read 380,170 times
Reputation: 875
Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
My Dad is in the process of dying from cancer, and is in hospice care but at home. Every-time I get a phone call, I am on the edge of my seat thinking I hope this isn't the ultimate call to tell me he has passed. However, I know he is suffering so part of me (my head) thinks it would be good, but my heart is not accepting that!

Can anybody relate??
Yes... my stepmother was diagnosed with colon cancer in April 2012 and passed in January 2013 at 63.

What's sad is she hadn't been getting checkups because they were self-employed with no health insurance... if she had she may very well be alive today.

You have my sympathy.
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Old 06-06-2016, 06:30 PM
Location: Alaska
256 posts, read 198,536 times
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Lost my father May 2013. Spent a week with him just before he passed and went with him on his last Doctor visit concerning his cancer. We didn't have much of a relationship prior to his illness, but in his final years we made amends and now wish we didn't live so far away.

About 1-2 weeks after my father passed away my wife's father was diagnosed with the same cancer, his was just as aggressive, but the medical care in our location is rubbish compared to what my father received. My father lived 4 years with cancer and fought hard; however, my wife's father barely made it two years, and we both feel if we had lived in a better location, he would be with us today.

Anyways, her father passed away 13 months ago, but before he passed my wife was in an automotive accident and she was unable to spend the final days with him. She was only able to visit with him the day he passed for about 10 minutes.

Cancer sucks, and my wife is a strong advocate of this. She is always wearing shirts and looking for events to participate in. She also donates regularly to cancer institutions.

We're still recovering from our losses, and thankful my wife only needed her spinal fusion, a knee replaced, but she does have seizures and memory loss, plus migraines on a near daily bases. Also thankful our kids are young, and only lashed out with anger for a few weeks.

Sorry for what you're going through, and can easily relate. Both my wife's father and my own had excellent hospice care that made the transition my easier on loved ones.
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Old 07-06-2016, 01:10 PM
Location: PA
839 posts, read 961,303 times
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My father went into the hospice over the weekend, after being rushed to hospital. He is stable/plateauing at this point - not getting better, not getting worse. He has been picked up at the hospice and is living with my sister now, because he can not live on his own anymore. I am still in the limbo stage, and actually had to take a step back for my own mental well-being as well as physical. He still is abusive at times, partially because of anger but also he has always had touches of that. Its a very complicated grieving process for me as a result.
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Old 07-10-2016, 04:31 PM
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Not all the hospice settings are nice and professional. Mum was under hospice care for 2 and half months. They never told you what to expect nor answered our phone calls immediately, some time could be a day later. Mum was moved to hospice, she was cared by me and my brother, when she was in great pains. First night at the hospice she felt off bed and had bruises all over. They just called us next morning and explained with "it was not a big deal" attitude. There had 20 plus patients in the unit but only one nurse in charge. Later we decided to take mum home since we felt her death is approaching soon. They never sent any nurses to help during the "critical time". Mum passed one day after she went home. It was a terrible hospice experience and felt bad for all the patients who stayed in the hospice....no one care and less pain control... I was shocked their services are this inhumanity.
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Old 07-10-2016, 04:54 PM
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Blue Monday, I am so sorry your father is dying. I watched my mother, father and father-in-law die. It's so hard, wanting them to not suffer anymore, but not wanting to let them go. Just be there with him as much as you can, and let him know you love him. *Hugs*
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Old 07-10-2016, 04:55 PM
5,656 posts, read 1,974,137 times
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Blue Monday, I posted before I had read all of the posts here. I understand about your ambivalence about your dad. My father and I had a very ambivalent relationship, mostly because of his anger issues. They were sort of there right to the end. Do take care of yourself in this process.
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Old 07-10-2016, 11:43 PM
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I am so sorry bluemonday
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Old 07-11-2016, 05:35 AM
Location: Wartrace,TN
5,287 posts, read 8,245,858 times
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I can relate. My Dad was in the same situation and it was sad to see him ride it out to the bitter end. I felt so sorry for him being in pain and having to take all the medication. When he passed away it was sad but also a relief. I don't know why we insist on keeping people alive to the end. If I had a dog suffering as much as my Dad did he would have been helped to leave. Why don't we allow people the same dignity as a dog?

If I am ever facing that I will find a way to end it.
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Old 08-08-2016, 12:55 PM
Location: PA
839 posts, read 961,303 times
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Well, my Dad lost his battle with cancer early Sunday morning. My sister swooped in the next day and already started emptying his house put and getting a dumpster to throw his possessions away. Not even 24 hours had passed at that point. So I said goodbye to childhood home as she tore it apart, and both my other brother and sister have been estranged and will not go to funeral. I'm literally so sad and depressed because my sister ended up putting him in a nursing home temporarily because she needed respite (without me,knowing), and it broke his,spirit. At the end of his life, my last visit, he was frail, curled up in a fetal position with his diaper sticking out not able to breathe even with oxygen. Now I have family acting this way, and I have very few people to talk to about this.
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