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Old 05-16-2016, 02:59 PM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 958,501 times
Reputation: 1753

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My Dad is in the process of dying from cancer, and is in hospice care but at home. Every-time I get a phone call, I am on the edge of my seat thinking I hope this isn't the ultimate call to tell me he has passed. However, I know he is suffering so part of me (my head) thinks it would be good, but my heart is not accepting that!

Can anybody relate??
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Old 05-16-2016, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,578 posts, read 4,785,001 times
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I think most on here can relate.

In this case you should go with your head. His suffering longer won't do either of you any good.

You have my sympathy.
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Old 05-16-2016, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,488 posts, read 6,600,981 times
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I can relate. My husband passed away last month after fighting head/neck cancer for 13 years. He went back and forth from nursing home to hospital 6+ times in two months. The nursing home called me every time they transferred him no matter what time of day.

The last time they called was at 4:45 AM to tell me he was being transported to ICU. Before I even got a chance to get my shoes on the hospital called and said he needed to be put on a ventilator.

This is where it got really rough. I had to abide by his wishes and decline the ventilator and spend the day watching him die. He was unconscious the whole time, but I am still upset about the whole thing.
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Old 05-16-2016, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,836 posts, read 6,608,408 times
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It is very difficult. I am sure you have conflicting emotions. It must be so hard to see your dad decline, I am a caregiver for my mom who started receiving hospice last month, so I know how it feels.

The thought of being without her breaks my heart but seeing her in pain, living as only part of who she has been to me my whole life, is probably worse. I just try to make sure our time together is meaningful. I think being in touch is important.

I hope you are getting to spend with your dad or talk to him often.

Sending you {{{HUGS}}}
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Old 05-17-2016, 04:23 AM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,540 posts, read 3,008,088 times
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It is so tough watching someone you love die. But, I hope all of us who have done so respect the wishes of our person who is ill.

I know I signed a declaration of what I want to happen & I'm certain it will be upheld. Worse than watching my mother die was watching the debilitating effects of dementia. I am so thankful she is at peace now.
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Old 05-17-2016, 09:55 AM
 
316 posts, read 465,851 times
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Yes. My dad was terminally ill the last year of his life and every time the phone rang my stomach flipped and my heart would physically pain me because I was sure it was the phone call saying he had passed. That was the hardest year of my life and whenever any phone would ring, anywhere I would tense up. When I finally did get the call one of the first things I felt was a feeling of relief that he was at peace and that I wouldn't be afraid of the phone ringing anymore.
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Old 05-17-2016, 12:34 PM
 
Location: SW US
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My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer Feb.2, and died April 1. During that period I got deluged with robocalls, often the same ones over and over. The hospice people were using their own, often out of state, cell phones, so I felt like I had to answer every call. Every time the phone rang I got anxious that something had happened to my mother. Since she died, I have had only two or three robocalls.
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Old 05-18-2016, 06:25 AM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,203 posts, read 15,015,619 times
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My father went into hospice at the end of January, 2015 and died on February 10th. For a week and a half, I was jumpy and restless, certain that this would be The Day. He was 82, had pneumonia, couldn't swallow, and kept falling and breaking bones, so it was infinitely better for him to pass on than to live miserably - but it was still difficult.
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Old 05-19-2016, 03:26 PM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 958,501 times
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Thank you everyone for the encouragement. For now, he is still with us, and I am trying to spend time with him each week (I live a few hours away).
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Old 05-20-2016, 07:17 PM
 
Location: So Cal
38,756 posts, read 37,929,773 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
My Dad is in the process of dying from cancer, and is in hospice care but at home. Every-time I get a phone call, I am on the edge of my seat thinking I hope this isn't the ultimate call to tell me he has passed. However, I know he is suffering so part of me (my head) thinks it would be good, but my heart is not accepting that!

Can anybody relate??
I'm sorry you're going through this. This is natural, and I know it's painful and all, but we live and we pass. I hope that you can work toward accepting this.

Hospice people are some of the best and nicest people I've ever dealt with. My mom passed and they were exceptional with her. I've never heard of a bad hospice story out there.

Best to you and your family.
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