Is it odd to randomly grieve a death that happened long ago?
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It seems to me (although I haven't experienced it) that if one were to have another relationship after the loss of one's love-of-my-life spouse, the new person would have to be completely different and the new relationship also completely different. I wonder if people get into trouble when they try to find someone similar to the one they lost. The new person will never measure up to the one lost. My mom, who was widowed at age 57, remarried 2 years later to a man she kept telling us was "just like your father." What a mess that was. It ended in a humiliating (for her) divorce. I know there will NEVER be anyone like my husband again. So it seems that if I were to find someone, he would need to be very different, almost an unexpected change. I'm not looking, and I doubt I ever will. Although I miss my husband greatly, I am doing fine on my own. But you never know. Life surprises you.
It seems to me (although I haven't experienced it) that if one were to have another relationship after the loss of one's love-of-my-life spouse, the new person would have to be completely different and the new relationship also completely different. I wonder if people get into trouble when they try to find someone similar to the one they lost. The new person will never measure up to the one lost. My mom, who was widowed at age 57, remarried 2 years later to a man she kept telling us was "just like your father." What a mess that was. It ended in a humiliating (for her) divorce. I know there will NEVER be anyone like my husband again. So it seems that if I were to find someone, he would need to be very different, almost an unexpected change. I'm not looking, and I doubt I ever will. Although I miss my husband greatly, I am doing fine on my own. But you never know. Life surprises you.
Glad you're doing well. As for the rest, no, you don't ever know for sure and certain. The older I get - turning 71 in a matter of weeks - the more convinced I become through experience that life is what happens when you've made other plans.
Grief pops up in the strangest ways sometimes. My husband died in August of 2010. A few months ago, long after I thought I was over it, I heard a song on the radio while I was driving that my husband and I used to dance to. I could almost feel his arms around me and the smell of him. It was so intense that I started crying in the car.
No it is not odd to grieve a loss from long ago , I was 17 and engaged to a 19 yr old fellow who was my world and he died very suddenly of a disease that he did not know had. I suspect his parents knew but they never told him . They finally told me after he passed away that he had leukemia . I never suspected in the least . It has left a shadow over my life I can tell you that . 8 months later I was almost stabbed to death by my sisters bf she was also stabbed but she did not survive . Her bf that stabbed her and me ended up commiting suicide .I truly thought I was going to die laying there in my sisters living room floor I had the good sense to kick the floor a couple of times and her neighbor found me and called the police and the ambulance they thought I was dead . I spent almost three months in the hospital and it was touch and go for me many times . I don't wish that on anyone ever . So no it is not bad to mourn a long ago death and I try to remember him with smiles not tears .
Someone once told me no one is truly dead until they are forgotten. I think it's completely normal to remember every now and then. I know I do. Usually for me it's association. If I walk by the lemons in the grocery store, I will have a fleeting memory of my grandmother. A bunch of daisies, my Aunt Betty. Great science fiction, my H.
So often I remember my best friend-and his brother.
I was 10 when my sister brought a classmate for dinner. He was a dwarf & had to sit on phone books to reach the table. They were two years older than me but somehow he & I hit it off right away.
I remember ice skating with him & we'd go in-between my older siblings legs.
Fast forward through the years. His home was mine, mine was his. His mom was my 2nd mom. He moved away, after we were all grown up but I still visited 'Mom'. He & I kept in contact at least once a month.
There was once his mom asked me to go to Texas, where he was, because she was worried about him. I did & he moved back home soon after.
Shortly before he came back I called his mom & she was sleeping. His brother had had a few & blurted out that he'd loved me as long as his brother had. I don't know what brought it on but realized later that he knew he was dying & just wanted to tell me.
I'll never forget that, nor will I ever forget the special friendship Ricky & I had through the years.
So yes, I believe grieving special people can hit at any time. I don't think that's a bad thing. Instead I think it's pretty special to have known someone & have that love survive.
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