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Old 06-01-2016, 02:01 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,752 times
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Is that strange? My story goes back to 1984 so 32 years ago. It involves a girl I went to high school with. We weren't dating or really close but we did hang out as a group now and then. What happened was that 3 weeks before we were all supposed to graduate she went missing.

A week later her body was found in a creek, and she had been beaten and raped and to add insult to injury he left her nude. It was of course a huge shock and the worst part was the guy was never caught. Our graduation was quite somber but we did have a few pictures of her and talked about her. Our graduating class was fairly small so most of us knew her or knew of her. She excelled in school, was a cheerleader and was really great all around. Even at our high school reunions she was talked about but I haven't been to my last two.

Most of the time I don't think about it but every now and then it pops up especially when I hear on the news about a young girl being killed like that. And I just think what would she had done with her life? I know she wanted to be a veterinarian but also wanted to get married and have kids someday. I have since moved away but if I go back I plan on visiting her grave. She was an only child and a few years after her death her mother committed suicide. I know her father remarried and had another child, don't know anything else.

I am also married and have 2 daughters of my own one is in the Marines and one is a RN. I can't imagine losing them, I have heard there is no greater loss than for a parent to lose their child. I believe it. It's important that those who have long passed never are forgotten.
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Old 06-01-2016, 02:52 PM
 
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Never odd to grieve no matter how long ago it happened.
We all have different ways of dealing with it and as long as you aren't dwelling on the past and the "what ifs" then really, grieve all you want...
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Old 06-02-2016, 07:10 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,225 posts, read 50,519,955 times
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My grandmother once took me to the graveside where her parents were buried. She told me that although it's not marked on the stone, her sister Maria was buried there, too.

In 1896, she was four and Maria was six. They shared a bed, and they had both gotten diphtheria. She remembers a doctor coming in and hearing him say to her parents, "I can save this one, but the other is too far gone".

She went to sleep, and when she woke up, Maria wasn't in the bed. A day or so later, she heard horses outside and looked out the window and saw a wagon with a small coffin leaving the driveway.

She was in her 70s telling me this story as she stood by the grave, and even as a kid, I could tell that she still grieved after all these years for Maria.
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Old 06-02-2016, 11:07 PM
 
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Not odd at all. Sometimes triggers can bring up old memories. If you weren't emotionally ready to process the trauma (and what you described is definitely traumatic!) your brain can, and will, protect you from it. Slowly, it starts peeling back the layers, exposing the fear, and sadness that went with the event. I honestly can't imagine losing a classmate like that. Especially with the guy not being caught.
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Old 06-02-2016, 11:53 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,706 posts, read 21,760,954 times
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No, not at all. I still think about my 3rd grade classmate who died of cancer. It bothered me a lot at the time, and I still think of her. An older high school acquaintance died at a keg party just before graduation. I knew his brother. Another guy I knew from high school was killed in a bombing. My boyfriend at the time--never knew that guy who died--bought his car in a private sale. That felt a little weird.
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Old 05-21-2017, 12:57 AM
 
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So I know this is very old topic, but I recently went down and along with seeing some others I know, visited her grave. It's very somber and saddening to say the least. So senseless and incredibly tragic.
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Old 06-25-2017, 07:22 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,334,400 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greatloss View Post
So I know this is very old topic, but I recently went down and along with seeing some others I know, visited her grave. It's very somber and saddening to say the least. So senseless and incredibly tragic.
If it's any help, I don't find our grief at all strange. This girl touched your life and others' and met a tragic end at a very young age. We all grieve differently and there are no time limits whatsoever. I still grieve the loss of my parents going back over 28 years. Six weeks ago I lost my wife and the love of my life. I will grieve that loss for the rest of my days. No one can tell any of us how to grieve and how long.

I hope you check in again and see this.
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Old 06-29-2017, 06:37 PM
 
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Today is a bad day for me so I hope you all will forgive my doom and gloom attitude this evening. I've lost all of my original family, as well as the uncle who raised me and my husband and my youngest daughter. Too many losses. I'm only 37 and don't wish to go through the rest of my days without a loving partner. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that my late husband (who died 4 years ago) would want me to find someone new to share my life with. Yet I seriously doubt I'll ever find another love as great as the 15 years we had together. Recently I developed feelings for a man and thought I was finally moving past the loss of my husband. I thought this man felt strongly about me too. But after telling me how wonderful and important I was to him, he ghosted me. It hurts but not like when I lost my husband. He was such a loving husband and father. I miss him so very much. I always will. No, there's no time limit on grief.
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Old 06-30-2017, 11:05 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,334,400 times
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You're young and there is certainly no need for you to spend the rest of your life alone. For your sake I hope today is better than yesterday was. As far as a new relationship goes, while you wish to find a loving partner you're already limiting how much love you think you can give in return. Until such time as you can give back love in full measure while realizing that it would not diminish, whatsoever, your memory of and love for your husband, I would not recommend a new romance.

My former mother-in-law was widowed at age 46 when she lost the love of her life and remained single until her passing at age 94. She didn't think anyone could ever measure up to her husband but went on to have a full life with a good career, friends, family and volunteering for good causes. I lost my wife seven weeks ago and will never remarry but I'm about to turn 71 so there's a big difference between me and my MIL. Still, even if I was much younger I don't believe anyone else could ever have lived up to my wife and I most likely would have stayed single. There are worse things in life.
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Old 06-30-2017, 01:52 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,334,400 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
My former mother-in-law was widowed at age 46 when she lost the love of her life...
Correction! She was 59.
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