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Old 06-04-2016, 10:03 AM
Location: Columbia SC
7,963 posts, read 6,716,042 times
Reputation: 10707


The Elephant in the Room
By Terry Kettering

There’s an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting,
so it is hard to get around it.

Yet we squeeze by with,
“How are you?” and, “I’m fine,”
and a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.

We talk about the weather;
we talk about work;
we talk about everything else—
except the elephant in the room.

There’s an elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant
as we talk together.

It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all, but we do not talk about
the elephant in the room.

Oh, please, say her name.
Oh, please, say “Judy” again.
Oh, please, let’s talk about
the elephant in the room.

For if we talk about her death,
perhaps we can talk about her life.
Can I say, “Judy” to you
and not have you look away?

For if I cannot,
then you are leaving me alone…
in a room…
with an elephant.
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Old 06-04-2016, 08:28 PM
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,706 posts, read 21,760,954 times
Reputation: 27757
Thanks for that. Yes, there is definitely a very large elephant in the room when someone dies. It really helps when you have a couple of people who will listen to you talk about them.
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Old 06-08-2016, 04:49 PM
Location: Tulare County, Ca
1,031 posts, read 608,067 times
Reputation: 1767
Thank you so much for posting that as that's exactly what it's like. It's been over a year and a half since my husband died and the elephant is still in the room. I still haven't gotten rid if his things yet because that elephant is blocking the door to his bedroom. It's no longer my bedroom. I have trouble going in there because, well...... there's that elephant thing. I know my husband would be angry with me for holding on to grief for so long, but he'll just have to take that up with the elephant.

One day at a time, John. One.day.at.a.time.
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Old 06-12-2016, 08:19 PM
Location: Midland, MI
504 posts, read 478,745 times
Reputation: 1071
Yeah, my siblings have been like that since our parents died. The Thanksgiving and Christmas afterwards I was the only one that spoke their names. Isn't that a way to honor them or to help process the grief?
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Old 06-12-2016, 10:24 PM
4,842 posts, read 2,149,409 times
Reputation: 12324
During the early days of grieving a gent whom I had a good rapport with,sat me down and said, Grief needs to be shared. Share it here, and I will follow. Together We wept of our loved ones we had lost. He,more then I, yet somehow in those moments, I learned it was not to be endured alone.

My family rarely brought up the name of the loved one, yet I did, every chance I could. Slowly , and one by one, they said, We cannot bare to see such sorrow in your eyes when you utter her name, its not healthy. ANd I ceased to speak to them on it. Yet Each day, I do say her name, and I do encourage others who are grieving to speak, to have that comfort, in knowing that another is there, walking that path in the room where the elephant resides.
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Old 07-17-2016, 06:21 AM
26,163 posts, read 14,463,143 times
Reputation: 17235
Quite a nice little Poem..

Merci Beaucoup my friend
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Old 07-19-2016, 08:43 AM
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
I can totally relate. I've tried going to a local grief group off and on for awhile now. But, I end-up feeling frustrated because everyone just chit-chats and talks about general topics...I have plenty of chit-chat in normal life. I keep my deeper feelings to myself most of the time because I don't want to come across as a "downer." Don't want to burden anyone...The group members seem content with chit-chat and barely mention their grief. This is why I don't go to group meetings very often.
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