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Old 06-21-2016, 05:09 PM
Location: Midland, MI
504 posts, read 478,495 times
Reputation: 1071


My aunt still owned the house but the POA was not paying taxes or utilities. Since it was unoccupied she really needed to have to boarded up. Someone told me it had been broken into; when I stopped by a window was broken out and the DOOR WAS OPEN! I had enough sense to get the heck out of there. She kept the place immaculate; it is still a shame.

She had wanted to donate her house to the church, but now it is worthless to anyone and may contain squatters. A bummer all the way around.
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Old 06-21-2016, 07:55 PM
4,840 posts, read 2,145,909 times
Reputation: 12309
Contact an estate attorney. Many cases have gone to court when the POA mis-used the assets.

As Next of kin you can address the courts.

the executor of the estate , which should be on the courts dockets needs to always be duly sworn to uphold the deceased wishes. If a Life policy was mismanaged, the courts will remedy.

Sorry about the family loss.

A Small service carries a donation to the church of choice.

Oddly I sit in the minority on much of the loss of life coming down to money. the person themselves meant more then any money or assets they had. Honoring them meant more then assets.
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Old 06-22-2016, 07:17 PM
Location: Midland, MI
504 posts, read 478,495 times
Reputation: 1071
Thanks for the advice. I'm not willing to put the time and money into it and don't have much faith in the courts. I would like her to have a really nice, simple service with a few people and family members that cared about her. She was a bit of a character and I really thought a lot of her.
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Old 06-25-2016, 10:09 AM
9,666 posts, read 7,638,989 times
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Something somewhat similar recently occurred in my own family, although thankfully, not to this extreme.

But a second spouse is withholding ashes, despite the clear wishes of the deceased and that person's adult children who are the children of the first spouse (both were widowed at the time of the second marriage. Those ashes were supposed to be buried in the cemetery next to the first spouse. A typical church funeral was held in the town where my relative and this spouse lived previously, and interment of the ashes and a brief graveside service at the family plot cemetery in my relative's old hometown were supposed to follow.

The adult children were not asked or invited to participate in any of the plans for the church funeral. All had been extremely close to and involved with their parent, and were previously on decent terms with their stepparent. The stepparent controlled everything. A sibling of my deceased relative's offer of assistance was also rejected by the second spouse.

So our family gathered at what should be the hometown graveside several weeks later (the delay was due to hoping the spouse would pass along the ashes, or at least some of the ashes to the children). We held our own "home-spun" memorial, led by my deceased relative's three adult children and their one remaining sibling, and including other family and friends, including a relative who is a retired pastor.

The second spouse chose not to attend. Nor did they release my late relative's ashes, despite their clear wish.

The service lasted about an hour, and included live music (instrumental and sung), prayers, poetry, Bible readings, a brief homily, and lots of memories and tributes. There were flowers, pictures, and other things important and symbolic of our family. There were tears. There were smiles, and laughter. And it was good.

We ate together afterwards, then made music later (music is a family trait) and found some sense of not closure, but of coming to terms with a sad situation unnecessarily made much worse by the circumstances. That sort of behavior remains incomprehensible to me.

But our own family ties are stronger, and we felt that our lost family member's memory and gifts had been recognized and honored as they should be. Perhaps your family could do something similar. I am so sorry for the complications surrounding your recent loss - your aunt sounds like a wonderful lady.
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Old 06-25-2016, 02:07 PM
Location: Las Vegas
13,432 posts, read 24,204,419 times
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A memorial service doesn't have to cost anything! Lots of times, people meet at a restaurant or a bar. Everyone gets what they want and pays for it themselves. Or it can be held at someone's home.

Just do what you can with what you have.
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Old 07-10-2016, 08:27 PM
Location: Midland, MI
504 posts, read 478,495 times
Reputation: 1071
Craig creek: that is an awful, heartbreaking story. Unbelievable how people can act. We are having a mass next Friday; my sisters and I are coming up with the money for the organist, priest, putting a notice in the paper, etc. I met with a couple of her friends (he is a Catholic deacon) and between the three of us we are pulling it together. Thanks for the support; I'm going to make sure that she gets a nice send-off that honors her.
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Old 07-13-2016, 10:58 AM
779 posts, read 2,964,443 times
Reputation: 623
News, A Serious Undertaking. A small, but growing, group of activists seeks to reform the funeral industry.

Start around #14
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