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Old 06-12-2016, 08:02 PM
 
Location: Midland, MI
504 posts, read 478,495 times
Reputation: 1071

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I have an aunt for whom I'm about the only relative in the picture. She is 98 and has been in a nursing home the last 2 years and recently I knew was close to death. She ended up giving Power of Attorney (POA) to a "friend" who ended up being very untrustworthy (the lady used money for herself, didn't pay my aunt's bills, abandoned her house, etc). I don't want to focus on the scumbag who took over her life and ripped her off- this is about my aunt and honoring her life.

A few days ago I got a clipping in the mail; it was her obit! Great way to find out, right? Well, aunt had pre-paid to have her funeral at Home X along with a service(Catholic mass), luncheon, etc. Her POA switched it all to funeral home Y, had my aunt buried 2 days after she died and omitted the mass, or any other type of public memorial. This is what I finally pieced together after talking to Home X and Y.

POA is the one who sent the clipping. It's sort of a "f u" to me and anyone else who cared about my aunt- that POA can do anything she wants.

Not to make this too complicated, but the POA also got guardianship over her, because the POA's authority ends after death. Just so she had total control!

There was a insurance policy that my aunt gave to the church to hold that was to pay for half of the funeral. I am assuming that getting any of the money for a service will be impossible since POA has all the death certificates and one would be needed to get the policy to pay.

Myself, other friends and relatives would like to have a service but it sounds like we'll have to do it w/o any $. Any thoughts about this? No one is looking for money (she was on Medicaid so it all goes to the government anyhow) but she deserves to have some sort of public service - even at her age there were many people who knew her and would like to come.
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Old 06-13-2016, 12:21 AM
 
Location: Tennessee at last!
1,870 posts, read 1,721,288 times
Reputation: 3714
You can just get a death certificate yourself. Wherever she died, whatever county she was in or the state will have a register of the deaths and they issue the certificates to anyone who will ay the fee, generally $20 or less. Just google death certificate and the county/state she died in. Then buy it directly from the government, not one of the places that get it for you for an extra fee--no reason to use them. You or the church should just get the certificate yourselves and then use the policy to pay for the service. LEAVE the POA out completely!
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Old 06-17-2016, 08:08 PM
 
Location: Midland, MI
504 posts, read 478,495 times
Reputation: 1071
Update: the POA got ALL the money; she knew about this insurance company and got to it. To be fair, probably all funds had to be accounted for before Medicaid kicked in for my aunt. But to completely change someone's funeral plans - and not honor her wishes. Just blows my mind that people can be that evil.

So her friends and I are going to have a mass and come up with some costs ourselves and have
any donations go to the church to pay also (for musicians and a few miscellaneous things). Very sad, if you think fraud or financial abuse is going on with someone elderly - check it out! My aunt was unwilling to say
anything; she thought it would magically work out somehow. I think she was depressed and just willing to just let her take over.
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Old 06-18-2016, 03:31 PM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,248,587 times
Reputation: 4549
Sounds like elder abuse to me.
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Old 06-19-2016, 08:21 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,103 posts, read 3,923,269 times
Reputation: 18775
If you want to have a simple memorial service just have friends and relatives (if she had any besides you) meet at a nice restaurant at an off time of day and have it there.
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Old 06-19-2016, 01:08 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,633,393 times
Reputation: 33226
Quote:
Originally Posted by hhwtm View Post
I have an aunt for whom I'm about the only relative in the picture. She is 98 and has been in a nursing home the last 2 years and recently I knew was close to death. She ended up giving Power of Attorney (POA) to a "friend" who ended up being very untrustworthy (the lady used money for herself, didn't pay my aunt's bills, abandoned her house, etc). I don't want to focus on the scumbag who took over her life and ripped her off- this is about my aunt and honoring her life.

A few days ago I got a clipping in the mail; it was her obit! Great way to find out, right? Well, aunt had pre-paid to have her funeral at Home X along with a service(Catholic mass), luncheon, etc. Her POA switched it all to funeral home Y, had my aunt buried 2 days after she died and omitted the mass, or any other type of public memorial. This is what I finally pieced together after talking to Home X and Y.

POA is the one who sent the clipping. It's sort of a "f u" to me and anyone else who cared about my aunt- that POA can do anything she wants.

Not to make this too complicated, but the POA also got guardianship over her, because the POA's authority ends after death. Just so she had total control!

There was a insurance policy that my aunt gave to the church to hold that was to pay for half of the funeral. I am assuming that getting any of the money for a service will be impossible since POA has all the death certificates and one would be needed to get the policy to pay.

Myself, other friends and relatives would like to have a service but it sounds like we'll have to do it w/o any $. Any thoughts about this? No one is looking for money (she was on Medicaid so it all goes to the government anyhow) but she deserves to have some sort of public service - even at her age there were many people who knew her and would like to come.
You make no mention of you having any contact with this aunt. Now after she is gone you're concerned?

If this person was questionable why didn't you step in? Why are you speaking up now?

Sounds more like you're annoyed you weren't left anything.

If you couldn't be bothered to see your aunt or have any contact, it's ridiculous to bother now.

I think this is exactly about money.
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Old 06-19-2016, 01:09 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,633,393 times
Reputation: 33226
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
If you want to have a simple memorial service just have friends and relatives (if she had any besides you) meet at a nice restaurant at an off time of day and have it there.

Exactly, this isn't about a memorial service.
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Old 06-20-2016, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Midland, MI
504 posts, read 478,495 times
Reputation: 1071
Ha - that is a laugh. I previously reported this woman to the police and Social Services. They investigated and when they talked to my aunt, she just said everything was OK. Even if probate court she would not speak up.
No, it isn't pleasant to think that the system doesn't work and this scumbag is going to get away with it, but that's reality.

We are going to have a mass and a simple service; just friends and family. She has a couple of remaining friends who are going to help and we'll have donations help pay for costs at church (for organist, singer, small item in paper, etc).

And skeptics, I really don't give a @Q^+_ about the money. I had a relationship with her even as an adult for 20 years and that certainly was not about money. This lady also kept friends away from her, then told her the house needed to be torn down - just out of pure meanness I think. She didn't know the house had been abandoned and didn't need to know.
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Old 06-21-2016, 07:27 AM
 
26,163 posts, read 14,457,966 times
Reputation: 17235
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper
Sounds like elder abuse to me.
Indeed.....Alot of ppl dont care,they just want the $$$$$$ and its sad
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Old 06-21-2016, 09:31 AM
 
Location: New Mexico
5,098 posts, read 2,915,584 times
Reputation: 9418
I don't understand the "abandoned" house. Who has ownership?
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