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Old 07-22-2016, 08:41 AM
 
635 posts, read 399,397 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trobesmom View Post
Hey sweetie. I've been thinking about you. I'm not a psychologist, but I can't help but wonder if some of these special occasions and/or holidays are adding to the grief you are feeling? For sure, grief is excruciating by itself. But when you add the anticipation these special times (and "firsts"), I think it can exacerbate our feelings of loss.

From reading all your posts, I think you are doing remarkably well, even though I'm sure it doesn't feel like it. I think you are dealing with your grief in a very healthy way by facing it and not escaping or running away. You are much stronger than you think you are. I would hope if this situation happened to me that I could be half as strong as you are and deal with it like you are doing.

I can't imagine anything more painful that what you have been through these past few months. My thoughts are with you and your baby girl, and I am sitting here rooting for you every single day! *Hugs*
In the span of two months since he died I had to get through my birthday, Father's Day, his birthday and now our daughter's birthday is coming up. All of these special occasions were excruciatingly painful without him here. I can't even imagine how horrible Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be. It's too painful to think about. He loved Halloween so that's going to be a rough one too.
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Old 07-22-2016, 09:35 AM
 
5,901 posts, read 2,031,694 times
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You've been through so much. As much as you can, please try not to think too far into the future, especially about the holidays. Although I haven't lost a spouse, I don't live a "conventional" life, as we never had children (couldn't), no grandkids, parents are gone, not many close friends and extremely small family whom we rarely see. It's very difficult to look at these normally family-oriented holidays and special days and not feel a tremendous sense of loss and not belonging. The only way I have been able to get through them without too much depression is to try not to anticipate the actual day, as much as I can possibly do that, before it is here, and then to try my level best to treat it like an ordinary day, trying to distract myself.

Thinking about you today, dear. *Hugs*
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Old 07-23-2016, 08:59 PM
 
635 posts, read 399,397 times
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It's Saturday night, date night, not that we went out much since we had the baby but it was still our night to spend together. Sunday was his only day off from work most weeks so Saturday was the only night that he could stay up late. We usually didn't do anything exciting but we would both look forward to Saturday night all week. I hate Saturday now. Like everyone else I used to love the weekends but now they're complete torture.

I can't believe this is me writing this, I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to be a normal person. Not over the top jumping for joy every minute of the day happy but content. I loved my husband and our life together. Of course we wanted to improve our life and makes things better but we were a normal happy little family. Life is cruel.

I just miss him so much. I miss being loved by him. I miss having him here to love. I miss everything about him. I'm so lonely without him.
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Old 07-23-2016, 09:40 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,943 posts, read 51,634,588 times
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Around 5PM is when I get my dip, as that is when my wife and I started connecting after the day most times. It isn't just the mind, but your body that remembers. Physical presence is only one part of the presence of a person. Part of him is still in you. Do the things that were connecting. Don't be afraid to talk out loud to him if you need to.
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Old 07-24-2016, 03:10 PM
 
5,901 posts, read 2,031,694 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rslater View Post
Hello i am really sorry for your loss,please take heart and live rightly. I am a man of God and will suggest that we hand this over to God in prayers. text me on 917-722-6958.
People need compassion and caring at a time like this, not admonitions to "live rightly." How do you know she's not living rightly? There are so many things I could say to this post, but out of the respect for the OP and because I don't know her religious leanings, I'll leave it at that.

Hugs to you, MeLovesCookies. Yes, life can be very cruel. I can understand weekends being especially difficult.
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Old 07-24-2016, 04:41 PM
 
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I understand your feeling like you don't know yourself any more. It is like a big part of you has been ripped away. Eventually, you will find yourself and your place in the world, but it takes time, and it is both painful and confusing in the meantime. One thing I would suggest is starting one or two new traditions with your daughter. They don't have to be big. Going to a kid's movie on Saturday night, having pizza on Friday, take a short walk specifically to look at and talk about the flowers in your neighborhood, putting a blanket out in the yard and reading a special book there once a week (or more.) Children love things that repeat and it will start to be comforting to you as well. Just baby steps. You are still at a place where the past and your loss are the biggest part of your thinking. But it sometimes helps to just find a little space in your thoughts for something new and different - something that you and your daughter can claim as your own. Even if the thing(s) you choose does not become a long-term tradition, it may evolve into something that does.
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Old 07-24-2016, 07:30 PM
 
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What lovely advice, Grasshopper.
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Old 07-24-2016, 07:57 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
I understand your feeling like you don't know yourself any more. It is like a big part of you has been ripped away. Eventually, you will find yourself and your place in the world, but it takes time, and it is both painful and confusing in the meantime.

One thing I would suggest is starting one or two new traditions with your daughter. They don't have to be big. Going to a kid's movie on Saturday night, having pizza on Friday, take a short walk specifically to look at and talk about the flowers in your neighborhood, putting a blanket out in the yard and reading a special book there once a week (or more.)
Children love things that repeat and it will start to be comforting to you as well. Just baby steps. You are still at a place where the past and your loss are the biggest part of your thinking. But it sometimes helps to just find a little space in your thoughts for something new and different - something that you and your daughter can claim as your own. Even if the thing(s) you choose does not become a long-term tradition, it may evolve into something that does.
Excellent ideas and good advice.
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Old 07-24-2016, 08:24 PM
 
635 posts, read 399,397 times
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Thank you grasshopper, that really is good advice and I'm going to make more of an effort to create a life with my daughter instead of just existing.

Anyway, I figured out what I'm doing for my daughter's birthday party. My MIL suggested we merge her birthday party with my niece's birthday party which is a few weeks after my daughter's so this way she's not forgotten and I don't have to deal with throwing the party myself. My SIL and my niece think it's a good idea too so that's what I'm going with. At least I got that problem solved.

It's still going to be hard though because on her actual birthday it will probably just be me and my daughter but I'm going to do something fun with her. Whether I like it or not I have to start new traditions because my old life is gone. It's still so difficult to let go of life that was good.

I think once I move out of my house it will be easier to move forward. My house is partially packed now I just need to find someplace to live. I just feel so stuck and want to make a fresh start in a new home without so many memories. I don't want to forget my husband but it's too painful to stay in the house we shared. Unfortunately I'm having a hard time finding a decent place that I can afford. I really need to catch a break.
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Old 07-24-2016, 09:50 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss,I know exactly what are you going through, I lost my wife of 25 years just 5 ms ago,some days are ok,but others are so brutal, painful and nothing makes sense. Stay strong for your kid, don't give up. My heart is with you.God bless you.
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