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Old 08-03-2016, 11:08 PM
 
635 posts, read 399,537 times
Reputation: 1762

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I've been writing a lot at night, sometimes letters to my husband, sometimes rants to no one in particular and sometimes my own brand of poetry. I don't know if it's officially poetry since it doesn't rhyme or probably doesn't follow any other scholarly rules of poetry but it's mine. Anyway, I feel kind of silly sharing it with anyone in real life but I wanted to share some of it with someone so why not here? It's probably a little hokey but it's from my heart.

The Search

I search for you everywhere.
I look in the eyes of our young daughter and search.
Do I see you, in her eyes so blue they seem like something only the heavens could create?
I look and search and then she catches me staring at her and a sly grin crosses her face.
And there you are.
A little giggle escapes her mouth and I know I've found you.
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Old 08-03-2016, 11:37 PM
 
Location: Lafayette, LA
3,287 posts, read 2,504,470 times
Reputation: 7264
Quote:
Originally Posted by melovescookies View Post
I've been writing a lot at night, sometimes letters to my husband, sometimes rants to no one in particular and sometimes my own brand of poetry. I don't know if it's officially poetry since it doesn't rhyme or probably doesn't follow any other scholarly rules of poetry but it's mine. Anyway, I feel kind of silly sharing it with anyone in real life but I wanted to share some of it with someone so why not here? It's probably a little hokey but it's from my heart.

The Search

I search for you everywhere.
I look in the eyes of our young daughter and search.
Do I see you, in her eyes so blue they seem like something only the heavens could create?
I look and search and then she catches me staring at her and a sly grin crosses her face.
And there you are.
A little giggle escapes her mouth and I know I've found you.

It's beautiful!

I don't contribute much here, but I've followed your story, mlc. I think of you frequently.

Hugs to you and your sweet blue eyed baby girl. Sending you positivity and strength and peace. Keep up with the writing!
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Old 08-04-2016, 01:39 AM
 
3,989 posts, read 5,283,366 times
Reputation: 4589
That is very lovely, Cookies. Hope you keep writing.
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Old 08-04-2016, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,945 posts, read 51,645,227 times
Reputation: 27963
That is free verse that you are writing. It is a perfectly acceptable form of poetry.

Some things that can make it fun, and sometimes more expressive:
1. Keep the original, but don't be afraid to play with editing. Having twenty different versions or edits is common
2. Using an absolute minimum of words often expresses more, as it allows readers to fill in their own experiences.
3. Set a work aside and come back and edit after a week. Almost always you will see new things.
3. Reducing a work to a Haiku form and then re-expanding can add clarity. Sometimes just the haiku can work too.

Example-

In our daughter's eyes
a sly grin, a quick giggle
I see you. Found you.

Some of the very best poetry and art comes from the pain and torture of loss. Yours is very good and I encourage you to keep writing and develop it. I like this part particularly:
...she catches me staring at her and a sly grin crosses her face.
And there you are.
A little giggle escapes her mouth and I know I've found you.
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Old 08-04-2016, 09:18 AM
 
635 posts, read 399,537 times
Reputation: 1762
I posted that after I took my sleeping pills last night and this morning I'm a little embarrassed that I shared my little poem. Oh well, I've spilled my guts here already so I guess it doesn't really matter. Writing helps a little, nothing can take away this pain though.

It's raining here this morning, the rain reminds me of him. I think if snuggling in bed on rainy mornings. That was the best feeling in the world.
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Old 08-04-2016, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Surfside Beach, SC
1,859 posts, read 2,443,751 times
Reputation: 3224
Quote:
Originally Posted by melovescookies View Post
I posted that after I took my sleeping pills last night and this morning I'm a little embarrassed that I shared my little poem. Oh well, I've spilled my guts here already so I guess it doesn't really matter. Writing helps a little, nothing can take away this pain though.

It's raining here this morning, the rain reminds me of him. I think if snuggling in bed on rainy mornings. That was the best feeling in the world.
I think what you wrote is beautiful. Thanks for sharing. I think of you every day, even though I rarely post in this thread.
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Old 08-04-2016, 12:55 PM
 
5,904 posts, read 2,035,087 times
Reputation: 4179
Dear MLC, that was beautiful what you wrote! Do not feel embarrassed, dear. We are honored that you shared your heart with us!

I can only imagine how difficult it is to try and find a new place to live. Especially in a hot market area. Perhaps you could try another agent? Sometimes they can be on the pulse beat of a brand new listing. I wish you well, sweetie.

Keep up that writing. Hugs to you and your baby girl today.
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Old 08-05-2016, 12:14 PM
 
635 posts, read 399,537 times
Reputation: 1762
Today I feel like I want to die (I'm not going to actually kill myself so please don't give me the number to a crisis hotline.) I just want to curl up in a ball, close my eyes and never wake up. I feel this ache of despair in my heart and I have this overwhelming hopeless feeling in my whole body. Grief isn't just mental, my body aches for him. Every cell in my body is screaming for him.

It feels like my skin has been ripped off and my muscles and bones are exposed. It's like I'm a walking wound, bloody and painful (sorry for the gross imagery.)

I don't know why some moments are worse than others. I feel slightly okay for a few hours then it hits me all over again. He's really gone forever. I'll never see his smile or hear him laugh. He'll never hug me again, he's really never coming home and my life with him is over. I'll never be loved by him again.

Thanks for letting me vent. I can't say these things to anyone in real life. I don't want to scare people. They need to think I'm okay so they can feel better.
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Old 08-05-2016, 02:57 PM
 
3,989 posts, read 5,283,366 times
Reputation: 4589
I'm so sorry you are going through this. There will be times like this. You just need to hang on until it lifts a little. Gradually those overwhelming feelings will get less frequent and less intense. You will be OK. Right now, your husband feels like he is a part of you that has been ripped away. That is unbelievably painful and traumatic. Gradually you will start to feel like you are a whole person unto yourself, but it may be a long way, and it will be slow. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, but know that it will not be all the time, and it will get better. Lots of people care about you.
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Old 08-05-2016, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,945 posts, read 51,645,227 times
Reputation: 27963
Rough. So sorry that it expresses that way for you. When you are feeling a bit better in a few months, you might consider chiropractic or a massage to work some of that out. It could be too intense for you right now without support afterwards. (I had some chiropractic sessions and they seemed to help me a bit.)
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