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Old 09-09-2016, 08:41 PM
Location: Midland, MI
504 posts, read 484,701 times
Reputation: 1077


Melovescookies, you might be able to find a grief group. If none in your area, maybe even something on line. Although my loss was very different than yours I'm sure, I lost both parents recently - thought both went 7 months apart. Although I am not very outgoing and am fairly shy I found the grief group (for adults who lost a parent) was a lifesaver. Everyone's story is different but there are plenty commonalities. It was a safe place to talk, run by a therapist from a nearby hospice with another one who volunteered.

So might online be an option? I wouldn't give up on the place you did go even if you can't attend every Friday.

Hang in there!
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Old 09-09-2016, 11:08 PM
Location: Wisconsin
16,532 posts, read 16,097,835 times
Reputation: 39057
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
Cookies, I don't have real answers for your childcare problem. Have you told the organizers of the support group that you can't attend for that reason? Have you asked for resources and help with finding affordable day care? Also, if you were to call hospice to ask about counseling, they might also have suggestions for childcare during counseling. A lot of states have a Child Care Resource Center that might be helpful.

I understand about not wanting to go to a "random church" if you have no connection now. Whether you look into that further is completely up to you. Many churches, however, do take their responsibility to their communities and the people in them who may be in distress very seriously. People do want to help, its just a matter of connecting. Here is one website I found. I imagine there are many others. Widowed Moms: What to Do and Where to Get Financial Help SingleMoms.org - Financial Help, Parenting, Lifestyle | SingleMoms.org Financial Help, Parenting, Lifestyle
I agree that you should try to contact the organizers of the support group and ask for ideas about child care to allow you to attend the meetings. I would not be surprised to learn that it is a common problem and they may have a solution (perhaps regular volunteers that help in that way).

I have a friend who called a nearby church for help in a crisis and she was absolutely amazed by the outpouring of love and support and concrete help by absolute strangers. Ironically, it was not even a church of her religion but just the closest church to her house. This happened about ten years ago and now she helps others (strangers) when they are in crisis and need help.

Good luck.
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Old 09-20-2016, 01:19 PM
635 posts, read 399,537 times
Reputation: 1762
It's been a while since I've posted here so I figured I'd check to let everyone know I'm alright. I haven't been doing much but taking care of my daughter and the house keeps me busy. I get out of the house most every day just to go shopping or to the park. Tomorrow I'm taking my daughter back to the children's museum and this weekend I'm going out to dinner with a friend and our kids. I try to have somethings planned for the week so I have something to look forward to and I'm not alone all the time. Most of the time I'm still lonely and depressed though but it's only been four months and I still desperately miss my husband. That's about it, I hope everyone is doing well.
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Old 09-20-2016, 05:00 PM
3,989 posts, read 5,283,366 times
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You sound better, Cookies. It sounds like you are using some strategies to keep your mind, at least part of the time, focused on the future and not alone. I will tell you that I could have written a modification of your sentence "Most of the time I'm still lonely and depressed, but its been only 22 months, and I still desperately miss my husband." I am not discounting the progress I have made, but I think we will carry that loss with us. Today I was cleaning out my sock drawer (sounds like something you do on a boring day) and tucked in the back of it was a card from my husband. The whole front was a hundred times the printed word "love" with one word "you" nestled in the center. On the inside, it said "My love will always surround you" and he signed it with his typical "xxoo" and his name. His soul was one of quiet, sustained love, like a deep, peaceful river - a river that still flows. The love is still there. As much as it hurts, I am grateful for our love.

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Old 09-20-2016, 10:10 PM
635 posts, read 399,537 times
Reputation: 1762
I can't focus too far in the future but a few months ago I was living minute to minute and now I can plan about a week ahead so that's a little progress. I make a list of things that I want to do that week and it gives me something to focus on. I'm making a big effort not to isolate myself and to get out of the house. I really don't feel like being around people most of the time but I do it for my daughter. If I didn't have her I would stay in bed all day and not see anyone. Basically I'm just going through the motions of life right now. I smile at appropriate times and pretend to be okay but I'm not. There's nothing else I can do but to keep going and try to find a little joy in each day. My little girl is a light in this darkness that is pulling me through.

That's really beautiful what you wrote Grasshopper, take care.
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Old 09-20-2016, 10:34 PM
26,163 posts, read 14,575,878 times
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Just take it day @ a time melovescookies

Things will be ok......
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Old 09-21-2016, 02:28 AM
3,989 posts, read 5,283,366 times
Reputation: 4589
Cookies, going through the motions is OK right now. It will feel like you are smiling on the outside and crying on the inside, but that is the way it is right now. There will come a point where you notice that you actually enjoyed something, and that for a short while, you were not thinking of your loss. I know you are concerned about raising you child by yourself, but it sounds to me as though your little daughter will be a positive force in getting you through your days - your little lightning bug, flashing her light in your darkness. She will also help you to focus on the future. If you find a little joy each day, that is fine. Over time, the joy will gradually build and the sadness recede a bit.

I hope there is a little sunshine in your day today.
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Old 09-22-2016, 07:35 PM
5,904 posts, read 2,035,087 times
Reputation: 4178
Dear MLC, I was just thinking about you this week and wondered how you were doing. I'm glad you are getting settled and getting out some. I'm sure your heart still aches and you do miss you beloved so much. You sound good, though, and you're doing some healthy things for yourself and your baby girl. I'm glad you have her. *Hugs*

Hugs to you too, Grasshopper. I have learned so much from you. You are an amazing person.
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Old 10-27-2016, 10:09 AM
635 posts, read 399,537 times
Reputation: 1762
Since it's been over a month since I've posted I thought I would pop in to let everyone know that I'm doing alright. The people here on CD were a life line for me the first few months after my husband passed away and I haven't forgotten the support I received.

I put my daughter in daycare part time and she's adjusting well. I've been going out with friends and keeping busy trying to keep my mind occupied. I still have bad days but most days are okay. The holidays are going to be tough but I'll get through them. I like my new house and I'm not dreading the future so much anymore. I haven't been on the grief forums at all because I'm trying to focus on life and not death now. My heart couldn't take writing about my husband everyday anymore. I love him and miss him but I've accepted that he's gone forever. That's about it. I hope everyone is doing well.
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Old 10-27-2016, 02:31 PM
15,794 posts, read 3,199,426 times
Reputation: 4488
I am so sorry,OP.RIP
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