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Old 06-19-2016, 10:40 PM
 
Location: Washington state
450 posts, read 342,711 times
Reputation: 637

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One way to get some time to care for yourself and also get childcare cheaply is to join a gym that offers child care for a nominal monthly fee. We have several big chain gyms near us that offer this. It might only be for an hour or two while you're at the gym but hey that gives you time to either exercise or relax in a hot tub or do whatever to have a little bit of me time and is way cheaper than a babysitter.
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Old 06-19-2016, 10:42 PM
 
Location: home state of Myrtle Beach!
6,238 posts, read 18,235,532 times
Reputation: 3430
Quote:
Originally Posted by melovescookies View Post
The house I'm currently living in is falling apart and my landlord won't make any repairs so I really do need to move now. We were looking for another house to rent before my husband died so this isn't a spur of the moment decision.

There is a water leak somewhere on the property which has caused me to have an enormous water bill for the last two months and the landlord has still not sent someone out to fix the problem. The house also has termites, a ceiling fan that is about to fall out of the ceiling and a long list of other problems that my landlord refuses to address.

At this point I don't have it in me to fight and I just want to leave. I don't have a lease so I'm not stuck and considering the circumstances I doubt my landlord would care if I left.

I know that I need to start eating normally again for my daughter's sake and tomorrow I will make myself eat at least one meal. Despite my lack of appetite I always feed my daughter three meals a day plus two snacks like before so I am surrounded by food all day, I just have no desire to eat. I guess at this point I just have to force myself to do it. I'm all she has left so I know I need to get it together and take care of myself. Thanks everyone.
3 months after my husband died I had all of my upper teeth pulled and now wear a denture. I started drinking protein shakes to make up for my poor eating habits especially while I waited for my gums to heal. Many of these shakes have all the vitamins and minerals we need on a daily basis. I also keep some protein bars around the house. I haven't learned to nor do I want to cook for myself right now. One day I will figure that out but not yet.

Today has been especially hard. I found myself missing my Dad even more because I didn't have my husband here today. This was the 4th year without Dad and the 1st without my husband. I didn't expect that!
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Old 06-21-2016, 02:15 PM
 
5,936 posts, read 2,042,226 times
Reputation: 4191
Thinking about you today, MeLovesCookies. I'm so glad you have both of your children to help you through this terrible situation. I don't have any advice for you except to tell you in my own grief experiences, it is normal to feel whatever you feel and the process will take as long as it takes. And please remember, you are not alone!

I wish grief were linear, where you feel the worst on the first day and then better each day after that. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. There will be days when you think, "ah, I've crossed a bridge, it's going to get better now," and then you may have a day where it feels like you felt the very first day of the accident.

Sending you and your girls lots of hugs, and wishing you peace.
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Old 06-21-2016, 04:48 PM
 
635 posts, read 400,017 times
Reputation: 1762
After a really rough weekend this week has been a little bit better so far. I've been busy with packing and my mother-in-law took my daughter for a few hours yesterday so I got some things done that I needed to do alone.

I've also been making an effort to eat again. I haven't been eating much but I did eat a sandwich yesterday and my oldest daughter is coming over for dinner tonight.

I'm barely hanging on but the days are flying by somehow. I hate my new life. I still can't believe this is real.
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Old 06-21-2016, 05:49 PM
 
5,936 posts, read 2,042,226 times
Reputation: 4191
I'm glad you are taking it a step at a time, and beginning to eat again. And I'm glad your daughter will join you for dinner tonight. I know this is not how you want your life to be. So many hugs to all of you.
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Old 06-21-2016, 09:35 PM
 
635 posts, read 400,017 times
Reputation: 1762
I know I've said it before but I really hate the night. Just when I think I'm doing ok during the day it hits about 9:00 pm and the baby is fast asleep and it's getting too late to call anyone and I start to panic.

I don't know what I hope to accomplish by writing here but I wrote in my journal and it didn't help. I'm just so scared. I'd call someone but everyone has to work in the morning. I just want my husband.
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Old 06-22-2016, 09:26 AM
 
5,936 posts, read 2,042,226 times
Reputation: 4191
I hope you were able to get some sleep, MLC. Are there any grief support groups in your area? *Hugs*
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Old 06-22-2016, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,251 posts, read 7,460,047 times
Reputation: 17954
Quote:
Originally Posted by melovescookies View Post
I know I've said it before but I really hate the night. Just when I think I'm doing ok during the day it hits about 9:00 pm and the baby is fast asleep and it's getting too late to call anyone and I start to panic.

I don't know what I hope to accomplish by writing here but I wrote in my journal and it didn't help. I'm just so scared. I'd call someone but everyone has to work in the morning. I just want my husband.

I know how you feel about writing in your journal. I really do. It seems so fruitless to put those stupid thoughts on paper. This isn't getting me anywhere. I need someone to talk to.

That's when the writing is helpful. Talk to him. Talk to the man who is no longer at your side. Tell him how angry you are that he isn't there. Tell him how hard it is to function. Tell him your daughter misses him, too. Tell him how much you love him. Tell him it rained. Tell him the water heater broke.

And one day, unbidden, the writing will make sense. You will read a few pages back and realize that the tenor of your writing has changed. That you're no longer angry. That you still miss him but you are handling the day-to-day stuff and your daughter is thriving and life isn't what you planned but it's what you have.

There is no Magic Wand but you must and you will get through this because you have a child who has only you. Good thoughts coming your way.
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Old 06-22-2016, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,949 posts, read 51,675,442 times
Reputation: 27971
Quote:
Originally Posted by theatergypsy View Post
I know how you feel about writing in your journal. I really do. It seems so fruitless to put those stupid thoughts on paper. This isn't getting me anywhere. I need someone to talk to.

That's when the writing is helpful. Talk to him. Talk to the man who is no longer at your side. Tell him how angry you are that he isn't there. Tell him how hard it is to function. Tell him your daughter misses him, too. Tell him how much you love him. Tell him it rained. Tell him the water heater broke.

And one day, unbidden, the writing will make sense. You will read a few pages back and realize that the tenor of your writing has changed. That you're no longer angry. That you still miss him but you are handling the day-to-day stuff and your daughter is thriving and life isn't what you planned but it's what you have.

There is no Magic Wand but you must and you will get through this because you have a child who has only you. Good thoughts coming your way.
This is so on-target. To be most effective, the writing has to be deeply personal and inner thoughts that you would share with no one, all of the sh*t that has anger and sorrow and emotion, stuff you might not have even shared with him while he was alive. KEEP writing until you are exhausted, your hand cramps, or have said what you wanted to say.

I am very concerned for you, as panic and having no one to talk with is not a healing place. You really need to find an outlet where you can pick up the phone at any point and know that there is someone who will listen and just be there. If nothing else, find a crisis hotline and call there for a few minutes.
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Old 06-22-2016, 11:50 AM
 
994 posts, read 1,117,491 times
Reputation: 1225
If you have a Grief Share group in your area, I would encourage you to go. Based on my experience, while they help people process the loss of loved ones of all types, many of those in attendance are widowers and widows (of all ages). I lost my brother this past Christmas Day. I think when you lose someone that close to you, you are never the same. Each day is a new normal for you. My thoughts and best wishes go out to you.
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