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Old 07-05-2016, 10:29 AM
 
197 posts, read 99,706 times
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June 27th was four years of widowhood. Since I have no children and no family or friends at the time of his death, I had to go it alone. I struggled for almost three years, cried almost daily. I lost our dogs five weeks apart in 2014. So, what happened over the year and a half really transformed me.
I see a Counselor a few times a month, first year once a week.
I signed up for a grief class and met many women who suggested I join a meet up that involves women joining each other for fun events. I met women who share the same interests I do and I now consider them as my "sisters". I got involved in politics and volunteer.
My husband was my soul mate and I made the decision I will be alone for the rest of my life. I plan to travel this summer.
My self confidence is at a all time high. I am enjoying life these days. I reflect back and mourning and grieving is a process that I had to go through, hit bottom and I have worked myself back up, creating a whole new life for myself.
Both of my dear friends just recently lost their husbands and I see them struggle to find their niche.
Life does get better.
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Old 07-08-2016, 11:44 AM
 
3,980 posts, read 5,270,224 times
Reputation: 4577
Granite, you seem to have really made things work for you. It is an inspirational story. I hope I can cobble together something as fulfilling. I just looked on the website for meet-ups, and there are no groups in my area. I have seen some groups for widowed persons on line, but the local Widowed Persons Club doesn't seem like something interesting. In an article about what they do, it said the most common topics of conversation are "children and grand children, and sharing medical advice." That sounds to me like old people showing pictures of their grandchildren and talking about their aches and pains and their last surgery. Not what I want. I am going to be joining the OLLI in my area (Osher Lifelong Learning.) They aren't in session right now, but have an open house in August, and will start in September, so maybe that will be something I can do. It seems hard to thread the needle between groups that are "active" groups (people younger than I, doing things I couldn't really manage) and retiree groups who want to sit around having the above mentioned conversations. But I will keep looking.
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Old 07-08-2016, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,189,666 times
Reputation: 3514
Grasshopper...Good luck finding the right group. I've tried different groups in my area but I haven't found the right click yet...I've never been a social-butterfly or much of a group person. Spent most of my time with my husband and sons and family members before everyone passed-away...I like one-on-one the best versus being part of groups.
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Old 07-08-2016, 08:02 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,189,666 times
Reputation: 3514
Quote:
Originally Posted by Granite60 View Post
June 27th was four years of widowhood. Since I have no children and no family or friends at the time of his death, I had to go it alone. I struggled for almost three years, cried almost daily. I lost our dogs five weeks apart in 2014. So, what happened over the year and a half really transformed me.
I see a Counselor a few times a month, first year once a week.
I signed up for a grief class and met many women who suggested I join a meet up that involves women joining each other for fun events. I met women who share the same interests I do and I now consider them as my "sisters". I got involved in politics and volunteer.
My husband was my soul mate and I made the decision I will be alone for the rest of my life. I plan to travel this summer.
My self confidence is at a all time high. I am enjoying life these days. I reflect back and mourning and grieving is a process that I had to go through, hit bottom and I have worked myself back up, creating a whole new life for myself.
Both of my dear friends just recently lost their husbands and I see them struggle to find their niche.
Life does get better.
I'm glad you've done so well. Happy that you found some "tribe members!"
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Old 07-09-2016, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,841 posts, read 21,895,422 times
Reputation: 27891
G Grasshopper, that's what I've found...or not found. There are some interesting sounding groups, but the people are younger or it's too far to drive for an activity that's only going to last for a couple of hours, or sometimes less. There are dinner/dining groups. I noticed that they like to go to expensive restaurants. The walking/hiking clubs have a lot of out-of-area, strenuous events in nice weather. There's nothing for widows, widowers. Nothing fits.
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Old 07-11-2016, 02:27 PM
 
1,284 posts, read 628,900 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Granite60 View Post
June 27th was four years of widowhood. Since I have no children and no family or friends at the time of his death, I had to go it alone. I struggled for almost three years, cried almost daily. I lost our dogs five weeks apart in 2014. So, what happened over the year and a half really transformed me.
I see a Counselor a few times a month, first year once a week.
I signed up for a grief class and met many women who suggested I join a meet up that involves women joining each other for fun events. I met women who share the same interests I do and I now consider them as my "sisters". I got involved in politics and volunteer.
My husband was my soul mate and I made the decision I will be alone for the rest of my life. I plan to travel this summer.
My self confidence is at a all time high. I am enjoying life these days. I reflect back and mourning and grieving is a process that I had to go through, hit bottom and I have worked myself back up, creating a whole new life for myself.
Both of my dear friends just recently lost their husbands and I see them struggle to find their niche.
Life does get better.
Granite, thank you for sharing this. It's been over a year in my grief and I still am in a terrible place. So I guess this is not so unusual after all. I am glad to know that there is hope at a joyful life.
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Old 10-15-2016, 12:00 AM
 
3,980 posts, read 5,270,224 times
Reputation: 4577
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eeko156 View Post
Granite, thank you for sharing this. It's been over a year in my grief and I still am in a terrible place. So I guess this is not so unusual after all. I am glad to know that there is hope at a joyful life.
It has been three months since anyone posted here, but in reading it all over, I just wanted to give Eeko156 my best wishes for healing. I don't think that being in a "terrible place" at a year after the loss of a spouse is unusual at all.

I can't say that I have made a lot of progress. I have had to work a lot on my house, which is hard for me to do all on my own. My husband and I were such a team - and it is so much easier to handle all the decisions and burdens of home ownership, keeping up with everything, when you are two. I have been successful with these projects, but it is just stressful and lonely. I am taking two weekly OLLI classes. I haven't met any friends yet, but I'm going. I have been traveling a bit to reconnect with friends. That has been really nice. Still, when I am home and all alone, it is sad and depressing to me.

One thing that is a little better is that I am discovering that I have not lost as much of my professional competence as I had thought. For most of my life, I was a competent professional, but then I spent 4 years in care giving and another year in pretty deep mourning. After that (and actually during that) I had this feeling that my edge was just gone, that I could hardly remember anything about how I had operated before and doubted that I could ever do much again. (One example is that for maybe 6 months, I could hardly concentrate. I couldn't read a book. I have long sung in choirs, and can read music, but for those months I could not concentrate on the music enough to read it. I would just drift away into thoughts of my husband. I was of very little use to the choir.) But I am slowly discovering that my brain is not completely gone. I can read music again, and read books. Through some volunteer work, I recently have started organizing and getting back into some leadership. I think when we just get into things, it does start to bring back to competencies we we had before all this happened.

I have made contact with a counselor, and will start with her a a week, and I hope to keep pushing forward, trying to make inroads into my general sadness, but it surely is a long road.
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Old 10-17-2016, 03:35 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,168 posts, read 3,981,936 times
Reputation: 18911
My husband died of lung cancer in August of 2010. It's only been the last 6 months or so that I feel like a whole person again. He was also my best friend so it was very hard those first years. It gets better much quicker if finances aren't an issue. In my case, until I started receiving his military pension, I could barely afford food or gas in the car. That just makes the grief so much worse.


But I survived thanks to family.
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Old 10-17-2016, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,463 posts, read 24,291,586 times
Reputation: 24856
H died on New Year's Day 2012. I have a great life and I am having a lot of fun. I have a new SO and it's all good.

We promised each other decades ago that the last man standing was not allowed to wallow but should think of it as a do-over and have the best possible life. So that's exactly what I am doing!
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Old 10-17-2016, 05:47 PM
 
Location: Glendale
1,243 posts, read 2,356,744 times
Reputation: 843
My husband died in 2012...About 1.5 yrs into this journey I realized I was feeling so awful was because I was still doing the things WE used to do. Since there is no longer a WE, I decided to start doing things I wanted to do or try. I have had some awesome experiences! I race, I work out daily, I paddleboard, I hike...I love being outdoors and being active!
I have no desire to get involved with anyone. I enjoy my own company.
I do also have to say that Soaring Spirits International and Camp Widow saved my life.
I, now, live in a different state, I travel now and then, I spend a lot of time with ladies I have made friends with through a women on adventures group...I am a widow and always will be. I will not allow it to define me.
I hope everyone steps out into the unknown and tries something new!
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