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Old 07-19-2016, 03:37 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,416,956 times
Reputation: 13154

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for me anyway. This is the saddest forum on city-data and my heart truly goes out to all of you. If you're posting about someone on here, it's your way of coping with losing someone you truly loved--no one comes on here posting about the death of someone they didn't have some depth of feeling for.

Me? Well I lost my mother and grandmother a couple of years ago and have very little family left--I have my girls, my brother, and my aunt. Now, me and my aunt have often had a relationship ranging from indifferent to stormy, though normally we could go along to get along at family functions. Recently however, we've begun to talk more and to genuinely care about each other and I went to visit her this summer and I plan to go again soon. It's difficult for her to get out and she's become afraid of driving so I need to be the one to visit, but I'm actually looking forward to my next visit.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it may help some of you in your grief to talk to some folks in your life that you've not always gotten along with--one or both of you may have changed enough that now you can be friends. Just a thought. I've got to say that I'm quite happy about my new relationship with my aunt--she still gets on my nerves a little but I'm better able to tolerate that feeling.
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Old 07-19-2016, 06:36 PM
 
4,855 posts, read 2,152,571 times
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So glad you've found a new way to work thru your grief... Yes even years later they remain in our hearts don't they?And it deserves to be shared with others.

Thank you for sharing that life wisdom. Sure wish more folks could grasp what you are doing... It's growing thru compassion.

I have stopped holding old grudges with relatives and started holding their hands thru some very hard times.

My blessings to you and yours...
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Old 07-22-2016, 12:28 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
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That's so nice to hear. Is this mom's sister?
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Old 07-22-2016, 12:43 AM
 
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Although we often think of grief as all bad, I believe that there is some blessing in it. We are changed somehow, and through grief, we discover who we are, what is important, and we see more clearly the suffering of others and feel kinship and compassion for them.
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Old 07-22-2016, 03:01 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,416,956 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
That's so nice to hear. Is this mom's sister?
Yes, and I have learned so much about their childhood and some of the terrible things they went through. They had a sister who got run over by a truck when she was 8 and getting off the school bus and this aunt reached out and tried to grab her but came away with only her jacket. She has blamed herself for years and feels her mother blamed her as well, which poisoned their relationship and made my aunt bitter. I was a favorite of my grandmother and mainly I think because I resembled her deceased daughter and that may have contributed to the hard feelings between my aunt and me.
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Old 07-22-2016, 03:02 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,416,956 times
Reputation: 13154
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
Although we often think of grief as all bad, I believe that there is some blessing in it. We are changed somehow, and through grief, we discover who we are, what is important, and we see more clearly the suffering of others and feel kinship and compassion for them.
Yes I have come to see that there is great purpose in grief.
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Old 07-22-2016, 06:41 PM
 
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Lovely. Yes, relationships often change - especially if a person tries to be open-minded and/or open-hearted.
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Old 07-26-2016, 01:23 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,717 posts, read 21,770,674 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Yes, and I have learned so much about their childhood and some of the terrible things they went through. They had a sister who got run over by a truck when she was 8 and getting off the school bus and this aunt reached out and tried to grab her but came away with only her jacket. She has blamed herself for years and feels her mother blamed her as well, which poisoned their relationship and made my aunt bitter. I was a favorite of my grandmother and mainly I think because I resembled her deceased daughter and that may have contributed to the hard feelings between my aunt and me.
My mother had to tell me that I was nana's favorite. I think it was because I looked like my dad, her first child. Our temperament was very similar, too. We were both quiet kids, and the other three got into trouble. That may have had something to do with the fact that my one aunt (dad's baby sister) didn't like me or my siblings. That, and dad or mom would drop us off or send us to her place to help around the house, run errands, keep her company. Little sister or the other son never did that. There's a lot to the story, but I'm the only one who knows or cares. They're all long gone.

Again, I'm glad that you are building a relationship with your aunt.
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