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Old 07-21-2016, 05:30 PM
 
15,832 posts, read 18,446,953 times
Reputation: 25619

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ffaemily View Post
I don't understand why people die young, it's not fair. We got the news today that my husbands dad died, he was found in his car at work unresponsive. Although we live in Alaska now he was super close to his dad we have to go back to Wisconsin. My heart is so sad. I don't know what to do, this is the first person in my adult life, that I've been close to that's died. I have no idea what to do.
Take some deep breaths. As bad as you hurt...you'll have to focus on your husband, he is hurting worse. You are both gonna be in shock, and that will last til you get there...then it will hit you hard. You make arrangements for your husband or both of you to get there asap. Flying is faster, there are discounts in this sort of emergency, ask the person who answers the customer service phone at the airlines.....drive only if you must.

Do you have a close friend to help you get ready? Lean on friends and close family. Get help from them for your home, caring for your pets, mail etc. while your gone.

You'll need to take time off work, about a week or even two if your husband has to take care of his Dad's affairs, close out his house, etc. Some calls and arrangements can be made for you by a friend.

If your husband's Mom is in the picture, you'll go there to help her do the above and make funeral or cremation arrangements.

If you have pics of your FIL maybe get those put into a container to be made into a disk that can be played during service. Maybe one of your local friends can do that and email it to you, or use an online service.

My niece's husband and best friend did that for my sister's memorial, it was a blessing. Make extra disk's, you'll want to keep one and give copies to close family/spouse.

I am sorry for your loss.
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Old 07-22-2016, 06:18 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,954 posts, read 32,676,353 times
Reputation: 57063
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Most here seem to be discussing the financials. Those things can be dealt with one step at a time. the early days of grief/shock really need to be the priority. The respectful funeral, the contacting of relatives and the inventory list.


Sincerely sorry about this sudden loss... Your husband will need your comfort...
I get what you're saying but since the distance is so long and apparently the trip is a huge one (and I guess it would be) and they have to accomplish a lot, I think the financial and legal issues are pertinent as well.
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Old 07-22-2016, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Barrington
41,861 posts, read 31,725,984 times
Reputation: 14079
I am sorry for your loss.

Was your FIL a home owner or renter. If the former, is there an outstanding mortgage?

If he owned his home, the estate is responsible for mortgage payments, insurance and property taxes until it is sold and closed. He may or may not have had equity.

If he rented, the estate is typically responsible for satisfying the terms of the lease.

Probate can take considerable time and there are fees.

As others have said, you need a local probate attorney ASAP.

Many families are surprised to learn that there is a cap on VA buriel benefits and many expenses are not covered.
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Old 07-22-2016, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Alaska
417 posts, read 202,247 times
Reputation: 806
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
Take some deep breaths. As bad as you hurt...you'll have to focus on your husband, he is hurting worse. You are both gonna be in shock, and that will last til you get there...then it will hit you hard. You make arrangements for your husband or both of you to get there asap. Flying is faster, there are discounts in this sort of emergency, ask the person who answers the customer service phone at the airlines.....drive only if you must.

Do you have a close friend to help you get ready? Lean on friends and close family. Get help from them for your home, caring for your pets, mail etc. while your gone.

You'll need to take time off work, about a week or even two if your husband has to take care of his Dad's affairs, close out his house, etc. Some calls and arrangements can be made for you by a friend.

If your husband's Mom is in the picture, you'll go there to help her do the above and make funeral or cremation arrangements.

If you have pics of your FIL maybe get those put into a container to be made into a disk that can be played during service. Maybe one of your local friends can do that and email it to you, or use an online service.

My niece's husband and best friend did that for my sister's memorial, it was a blessing. Make extra disk's, you'll want to keep one and give copies to close family/spouse.

I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you very much, We did fly in but we will probably be driving back. I have no idea how long we will be gone since I really don't know how long we will be here, and we have a lot to get done in a short amount of time. We are thinking of doing a slideshow we have about 50 pictures the funeral home is taking care of that, but I will ask them to make extra copies. Boy you guys are so helpful and have helped us think of things I would not have thought of I am so thankful for all of you.
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Old 07-22-2016, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Alaska
417 posts, read 202,247 times
Reputation: 806
oh yes and one more question what should I wear to the funeral, do I show my shoulders ect?
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Old 07-23-2016, 11:11 AM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,249,971 times
Reputation: 4554
Quote:
Originally Posted by ffaemily View Post
oh yes and one more question what should I wear to the funeral, do I show my shoulders ect?
All funerals call for conservative dress, but this will depend to an extent on the culture where you are. Example: I lived in Texas for 5 years, and where I was, people tended toward black, especially for the family. (Although this was not a hard and fast rule.) Before that I lived in California. There, black is not considered to be desirable, but people wore subdued colors. But in all cases, it is not considered to be OK to wear revealing clothes, flip flops, etc. When my husband died (in Texas) I wore a sleeveless black dress, but it had a loose, long sleeved black jacket over it. Had he died in California, I doubt that I would have worn black. But always, you should be comfortable in your clothes. You don't want to be self conscious about what you are wearing at a funeral or have shoes that are hurting you.
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Old 07-31-2016, 07:39 PM
 
Location: Alaska
417 posts, read 202,247 times
Reputation: 806
Hello all, I wanted to write back and thank you all for your helpful advice, especially the poster who wrote about getting the discs of the slideshows for the funeral home, no one had thought of that and we got five discs so I really appreciate that, as well as all the other advice it was great and honestly helped us a lot, we had no idea what to do. We are now embarking on our 57 hour drive in a U-Haul we are bring back a lot of his dad's stuff and had no problem with any will stuff or people outrageously asking for things we got to keep what we wanted to keep. The funeral was lovely. I am very,very pleased with all the advice I got, again thank you all so much. I really do appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.
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