U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
View Poll Results: Who would you spend that extra day with?
Friend 10 7.63%
Lover 16 12.21%
Family 105 80.15%
Voters: 131. You may not vote on this poll

Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-26-2016, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,796 posts, read 2,152,412 times
Reputation: 5192

Advertisements

Hands Down!! Family ( Mother)..as it happened..I was scheduled to visit on a Sunday..but was sick as a Dog..So called her ( had arranged for a phone direct to her)..Other than her getting a mask..she said nothing other than..Love YOU and see you later)..She died about 8 hours after.. I did NOT got because I did NOT want to expose her to whatever I had...BUT when My brother called to tell me I( he was the primary contact person)..I about fell apart..cried all my way to meet up with my brother and his son ( my nephew)..

SO YES..I would have loved to have had that one extra day..BUT in truth..my mother and I had always had a very open and honest relationship...She made things so clear to me..over my lifetime..supported most everything..tho did push back occasionally..BUT Geesh..I don't think I would have been the person I am today IF it wasn't for her~~

She died over 21 years ago...and I still have dreams that include this tiny, but powerful women..have missed her everyday..BUT she knows that..as I'm sure her sprit is watching over me..But that's just because I happen to believe in the Soul/Spirit survives..I've felt it.sensed it..especially when stressed, I so happen to be someone believes and has faith that WE will meet up again..But again..another topic

As for the other choices...Lover ( never really had one such labeled) Nope and friends .. I've been blessed with healthy friends..SO can't say at this point~~

Boy I feel good expressing these thoughts..TY for asking OP
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-26-2016, 03:59 PM
 
2,412 posts, read 1,178,886 times
Reputation: 5719
Difficult choice between my father, my mother, my sister, my grandparents, my favorite aunt, and my husband. I miss them all for different reasons, in different ways.


I would probably choose either my sister or husband so we could say our proper last goodbyes. Both died quite unexpectedly and too young.


I miss my father most however but I had years caretaking him before he died 4 years ago at 95 so I am not quite sure why that is. It may just be that it was only in the last year or so of his life that he seemed to value me as being at least an equal to my brother. Long story but perhaps I wanted to just selfishly revel in that a bit longer and the chance was taken from me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-26-2016, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,796 posts, read 2,152,412 times
Reputation: 5192
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aery11 View Post
Difficult choice between my father, my mother, my sister, my grandparents, my favorite aunt, and my husband. I miss them all for different reasons, in different ways.


I would probably choose either my sister or husband so we could say our proper last goodbyes. Both died quite unexpectedly and too young.


I miss my father most however but I had years caretaking him before he died 4 years ago at 95 so I am not quite sure why that is. It may just be that it was only in the last year or so of his life that he seemed to value me as being at least an equal to my brother. Long story but perhaps I wanted to just selfishly revel in that a bit longer and the chance was taken from me.
I did not mention my father..because I was there when he passed..HE waited for me..even though he was ebbing out..I drove like a maniac over 150 miles..and somehow ( felt guided) to arrive..met by my brother..hugged my mother..and sat with my dad..took his hand..was on O2 and fighting the mask..I leaned into his ear..and said I'm here..I love you..He opened his eyes..looked straight into my eyes..squeezed my hand..and STOPPED fighting it!! My mom and brother on other side of bed didn't even realize he had taken final breath..So I got brother's attention and said "He's gone" to him..he grabbed mom around shoulders and you all can guess the rest!! So I feel blessed to have had the privilege to get that final squeeze and eye contact!!

I had a very close relationship with both my mom and DAD..But it's NOT being there when she passed I felt most upset..Nothing had never been said between anyone of us ( Brother, Mother or Father) SO it's not like we hadn't said everything we wanted to say..For me tho..being at the bedside is what made the difference..because of a whole lifetime experience dealing with Death and Dying as a HC Giver~~ It's a poignant time..and I always "FELT" something every single time~~ Just as in earlier career ( Delivery Room Nurse) FELT the joy and appreciation of Life arriving...SO I've had been blessed watching New Lives born as well as end of Live..Both are equally special!!!

Sorry..This topic has really brought back memories of a lifetime!! TY again
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-26-2016, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,796 posts, read 2,152,412 times
Reputation: 5192
I have felt so many heart felt responses who happen to understand..or experience my particular circumstances... I do think tho that OP is speaking to those who do NOT have such relationships...IT must be aweful..Because Hate or distrust takes over..then when gone..HAVE conflicted feelings/emotions..

It's always the best medicine to clear the air..sometimes agree to disagree with out hateful comments.. Personally Have always had the ability to do that..BUT some just can't admit wrong doings or behaviours..according to parental influence... I grieve such strife..because un-resolved conflicts never resolve anything..Inability to agree to cedar but still love is what makes the difference,,,I could go back to my conflicts..but it's mute really..because in my Family dynamic we worked it out.. IF Communication lacks..It will never happen unfortunately because child/friend/parent/boss or whomever IF you cannot compromise..Me or Them Mentality..No body actually wins..unless and of course beating and taking advantage of whomever?? This is SAD for me..But that's just me..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-26-2016, 06:43 PM
 
Location: St. Cloud
285 posts, read 148,563 times
Reputation: 339
I actually say my great-grandmother on my moms side.

She might not be happy with me now, as she was very religious and catholic, but she held them together and made us get along, talk, and keep in contact. Since she died, we fell apart. I'd like one day but use that day to get her to tell us to grow together again.

That and just talk. Get information about my family and roots. Learn from her. I love knowing my background and ancestry. It's one thing to see it on a family tree. Another to hear it from a relative.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-26-2016, 06:43 PM
 
595 posts, read 1,008,445 times
Reputation: 706
I don't know why I came into this thread. This is one of the most emotionally sad post I've ever read on this forum. I'm sorry for everyone of y'all who's had to endure a lost of a loved one.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-26-2016, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Somewhere, out there in Zone7B
4,538 posts, read 5,826,922 times
Reputation: 3968
My Grandma. She passed away when I was pregnant with my daughter in 1988. I wasn't able to go to the funeral. But honestly, I know she's with me always. But given that chance, if it would be possible, it would be her. My dog would be second. I'm sure she's taking care of her for me though!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-26-2016, 07:23 PM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,248,587 times
Reputation: 4549
My husband. We didn't leave anything unsaid, so I don't really need closure. But to be with him again, if only for a day, would be beyond words.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-26-2016, 07:24 PM
 
1,305 posts, read 833,299 times
Reputation: 1984
I would have to say my mother and my father. They were my everything...probably my mother moreso, since I look so much like her. I took care of them both, and that brings you closer and so rich with the memories we shared together. Things my brother and sister will never get to experience. It's unfortunate for them...

Gawd, how I miss them. But they are still here in this house with me.

My nephew made a video of my mom and dad a few yrs before they passed, I've only been able to watch it once. Just hearing their voices is what I long for and their hugs.

Maybe this is a common thing, but My brother, my sister and I all have pics of our parents in our kitchen. On the fridge, or in frames.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-26-2016, 07:44 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,796 posts, read 2,152,412 times
Reputation: 5192
Quote:
Originally Posted by fresnochili View Post
I would have to say my mother and my father. They were my everything...probably my mother moreso, since I look so much like her. I took care of them both, and that brings you closer and so rich with the memories we shared together. Things my brother and sister will never get to experience. It's unfortunate for them...

Gawd, how I miss them. But they are still here in this house with me.

My nephew made a video of my mom and dad a few yrs before they passed, I've only been able to watch it once. Just hearing their voices is what I long for and their hugs.

Maybe this is a common thing, but My brother, my sister and I all have pics of our parents in our kitchen. On the fridge, or in frames.
You know..having momentous and precious pictures..will often help us to recall..But in my line of work..( trauma nurse) when I felt like I was losing it..running around trying to do whatever..I often smelled "Cigar Smoke" and I would suddenly settle down to the TASK at Hand!! because that odour told me..it was my DAD reassuring me...I cannot tell you all..how hard it is..dealing with trauma's..horrific demands to CARE for patients..and I know my Father knew that..so whenever I felt I was losing it..I got the scent.. and Oh yeah..Cigar Smoke is NOT an odour anybody would smell inside of a hospital..just for clarification...

This is precisely why I believe there is something beyond what we know on this plain..There has to be something beyond our corporeal presence...Soul/Spirit has thankfully been something I have experienced...

I refuse to answer to anyone who wants to ask..WHAT about Evil types ( which I have nursed too)..because their entities have NO place ..Evilness is just that..Troubled folks/confused/Mentally ill type may or may not fit into the Evilness..But as a Caregiver..I did what I needed to do..tho will admit ..wondered why..yet refused to comprise my oath and rule.. Boy I could tell you all stories!!

Anyway, for anyone who have regrets...because of un-resolved issues..Just maybe there is a venue..and that is ASKING whomever it to forgive you..or to seek reconciliation...whatever seems necessary...

Boy..I feel blessed..having been able to bury hatchets..be with loved one's passing away..and support of family, friends each and every time. I'm thinking not many experience such things
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top