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Old 08-08-2016, 11:42 PM
 
605 posts, read 308,968 times
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About a month ago, I lost my grandfather. He was 86 years old and up until the last week of his life, he was physically healthy (he was showing signs of dementia for a few years though things didn't get really bad until the last year of his life). He died following a heart attack.

Until the time I was 18 (I'm 23 now) he and my grandmother would spend most of the year in Florida, but would spend 3-5 months in New Jersey close to where I live. I was always close with him and my grandmother. I'd play tennis with him and he and my grandmother took me to a lot of places; the playground when I was young, hiking a few times, and to jazz concerts as I got older.

I mentally prepared myself for the possibility of his death the day after his heart attack, and a few days later he was gone. Once he passed on, I was obviously very sad. I was grateful that he lived a good life and that I had a great relationship with him.

While I am keeping myself busy and moving on with life, I still find myself mourning. I just can't shake it. When I pass by places he used to take me to or places he liked, I get very sad. Even on days when I'm in a good mood, I still think of him and get sad for a minute or two.

On top of my own mourning, there are two other relatives I feel for. The first is my grandmother. She was married to him for 65 years and they dated before that. She's in Florida and I miss her. The other is my father. I can't imagine life without my father in it. My father and I are close, and my father was close to my now late grandfather.

I had my great grandparents pass away when I was younger and while I was very sad, it felt different than this. When my great grandmother passed away at 100, I was sad but said to myself "she lived a great life." My gradfather was 86 and while I know he lived a great life, I just can't shake it - I have moments of great sadness, I feel like crying, and I'm still in shock over his death.

Is this normal? How long until I can fully move on? His memory will live on in me forever, but I just am still very much in mourning and I thought only spouse and perhaps the children would be in mourning this long. The other thing is, he was a very happy person who cared so much about his kids and grandchildren, he'd tell me not to be sad but to remember the good times. I do, but I'm fighting tears even writing this.
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Old 08-09-2016, 12:58 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,862 posts, read 51,373,474 times
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Totally normal. You can move on in sehrwoh days... sorry, the computer messed up, you can move on in w-43592-rfh days... sorry computer messed up again, it will take as long as it takes. So sorry for that loss. He sounds like he was a very special person.
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Old 08-09-2016, 04:36 AM
 
4,867 posts, read 2,158,779 times
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Grief has no time clock. Mourning ebbs and flows. Go with it.
I don't recommend the justification .. Of .. They led a good life. It covers up the loss.. And that is what you are grieving...
Each life grieved is uniquely different.. How you cope will also be different.
You sound compassionate to others who lost as well.. That is a good asset to ease this loss...
Your grandfather sounds like a wonderful person.. Bless his soul ... Sorry for this loss.
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Old 08-09-2016, 09:30 PM
 
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Thank you all for your condolences. He was a great person and I miss him.
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Old 08-10-2016, 09:46 AM
 
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My condolences on the loss of your grandfather. I think that you are probably right that the loss of a child or spouse is a greater blow than a grandparent, but that is not to minimize your loss. Anyone we love and that is a part of our identity is hard to loose, and what you describe as grieving sounds totally normal to me. As others have said, you just have to go through it. Grief has to be "processed." It is painful, and you will continue to miss him, but you will be OK at some point. One thing that has helped me is to sit down and put into writing all that you have lost in your grandfather's death. For example "I lost a great jazz concert buddy" or "I lost someone who always loved me." I think that sometimes just seeing all the things he was to you and all you will miss in writing helps to move us through the process.

It is kind of you to also think of your grandmother and your father. Keep in contact with them. Supporting your family during this time, helping others who are feeling pain, will also help you to move forward.

Blessings.
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Old 08-10-2016, 12:51 PM
 
605 posts, read 308,968 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
My condolences on the loss of your grandfather. I think that you are probably right that the loss of a child or spouse is a greater blow than a grandparent, but that is not to minimize your loss. Anyone we love and that is a part of our identity is hard to loose, and what you describe as grieving sounds totally normal to me. As others have said, you just have to go through it. Grief has to be "processed." It is painful, and you will continue to miss him, but you will be OK at some point. One thing that has helped me is to sit down and put into writing all that you have lost in your grandfather's death. For example "I lost a great jazz concert buddy" or "I lost someone who always loved me." I think that sometimes just seeing all the things he was to you and all you will miss in writing helps to move us through the process.

It is kind of you to also think of your grandmother and your father. Keep in contact with them. Supporting your family during this time, helping others who are feeling pain, will also help you to move forward.

Blessings.
Thank you for your condolences and words of wisdom.

I have returned to my normal activities but am still very sad and there is nothing that can replace the love and relationship of a grandparent - I am very lucky to still have 3 but nothing can replace my Grandfather.

For my father, nothing can replace the person who is 50% responsible for his very being, someone who gave him a happy childhood, someone who saw that he was educated, and someone who was a buddy of his for 59 years.

My father and I will always have an empty space in our lives.

My grandmother has also proceeded with her normal activities which is remarkable. But she's 84 and probably feels her age now more than ever. She looks about a decade younger than she is and is in great shape, but still. She was with this man for over 64 years, she made a life with him, raised two kids with him, and then retired with him. Now she is all alone and that makes me sad. I will call her often, but she is 1,200 miles south of where I am.

You all have made me feel better because I now understand that the grieving process takes time and there is no clock on it. I still continue to mourn and think about my grandfather. Someday, I will be able to only remember the good times and while I do now, I'm also sad he's gone.
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