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Old 08-26-2016, 10:08 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,098 posts, read 3,918,635 times
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I agree - everything doesn't happen for a reason, at least not one that we can discern.
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Old 08-26-2016, 10:19 AM
 
Location: The Carolinas
1,987 posts, read 1,902,509 times
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Everything doesn't happen for a reason: God is random chance.
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Old 08-26-2016, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
27,447 posts, read 17,619,243 times
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When my husband died I learned not to dwell on the words that were being said to me, but on the sentiment from the person.

Whether or not the words helped, the person always meant well.

Something that could offend one person may bring comfort to another, it's a crapshoot at best.
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Old 08-26-2016, 11:30 AM
 
635 posts, read 395,383 times
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About three days after my husband died my well meaning but clueless mother fed me that “everything happens for a reason" line and I wanted to punch her in her face (of course I didn't.) I basically asked her to give me a reason why a perfectly healthy 42 year old man with a two year old child to raise and a wife that loves and depends on him had to die. I remember her feedings me that other bs line “it was his time" and this just enraged me more but now I'm learning to tune out these stupid phrases.

I don't believe my mom actually believes any of the stuff she tells me but she doesn't know what to say so she just recites what she thinks she's supposed to say. I would rather she not say anything.

I agree with the author that the people that have really helped me are the people that have just sat and listened and haven't been scared away when things have gotten uncomfortable. Some people are just better at handing other people's grief.
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Old 08-26-2016, 11:57 AM
 
18,769 posts, read 6,129,215 times
Reputation: 12658
I've had my hardships and gone thru other's hardships and MOST situations ended in brighter places. Thank goodness those hardships were not wasted. And outcomes were positive.

For me I go back to when my 5 yr old nephew was killed by a trash truck on christmas eve...I still think of this tragidy 30 yrs later. This destroyed the boy's family as it was.

Stuff Happens. So MUCH is out of our control.
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Old 08-26-2016, 12:32 PM
 
1,056 posts, read 870,033 times
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Maybe everything does happen for a reason and maybe it doesn't, but I would never say that phrase to anyone ever with regards to death, injuries or illness. It would be incredibly rude. I would also never say "I know how you feel" unless I had been thru the same situation myself and actually did know how they feel, that's also rude. What I would say is "I am very sorry to hear about your loss/troubles, please let me know how I can help."
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Old 08-26-2016, 01:47 PM
 
Location: northern New England
1,720 posts, read 699,146 times
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Most of the "stupid" things people say when you are grieving are supposed to make you "feel better". He's not suffering anymore, she's in a better place, you can always have more kids, you'll find someone else, everything happens for a reason.

JUST STOP IT. Grieving people are NOT going to feel better until it comes from within. A hug and "I'm sorry" is plenty. Don't be that asinine person spouting unwanted platitudes.
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Old 08-26-2016, 02:44 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,628,561 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Redraven View Post
1. I don't remember ever having any "glory days". I'm not even sure how to define the term.
2. My maternal grandparents had 9 children.They are all dead now. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, mother, many cousins, all dead. Add to that step-grandparents, stepfather, and many of the people I went to school with, and some time in Vietnam in 1966, and, yes, I CERTAINLY HAVE dealt with death!

I will soon achieve my 75th birthday. I have seen a lot of death in those years, both much-loved people and greatly loved pets.
I learned long ago to NOT dwell on those deaths, to get over the grief and get on with life.

bluemonday, to state my opinion of you and your quoted post would quite likely violate the C-D TOS, so I will make no further comment

Let's not count our chickens before they're hatched.

Who are you to tell people how to grieve?
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Old 08-26-2016, 03:02 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,196 posts, read 50,480,930 times
Reputation: 60090
My all-time personal favorite: my mother was the mayor's representative on the town library board. When my brother's illness became acute, she resigned to care for him. My brother died at the age of 51.

At the funeral home, there stood my mother in front of her son's casket. I was right next to her. In waltzes the mayor, who comes up to my mother and says, "I'm so sorry. But now maybe you can take your place again on the library board."

I am not making this up. The mayor had lost one of her own sons in a construction accident a couple of years earlier, so maybe it was a difficult situation for her. That's all I can think of.
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Old 08-26-2016, 04:38 PM
 
74 posts, read 43,003 times
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Let not be insensitive to others who might be experiencing pain in their lives. The comment above was uncall for. I wish you a speedy recovery. May the forces be with you.
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