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Old 09-08-2016, 08:39 AM
 
5,433 posts, read 3,398,314 times
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My MIL died either Monday night or Tuesday morning, no one knows for sure, but I'm going to assume Monday because Tuesday was my birthday. I don't want a sad event linked with what is normally our first day of vacation.

Which is not to say we weren't grieving on Tuesday. The family pulled together and planned a restaurant dinner where she was very much in our thoughts. And I think it helped to sing Happy Birthday.

She had just turned 90, she was in a lot of pain and she wanted to go.

I proposed a toast to her on the spur of the moment, completely unprepared, but I think I said something like, "Here's to the one we're all thinking of and who we all adored. I know she would have a big smile on her face to see us all at the same table tonight." Had a hard time holding it together.

MIL, her sister (our aunt) and her sister's husband (our uncle) traveled extensively as a trio for about a decade. He passed away two weeks before MIL's death. Now our aunt is assisted by caregivers but for the first time in her life she's having to pay bills...and she doesn't like it one bit. Her DH had always handled all the finances.

But she's the kind of person who needs to be annoyed by something to be happy. And I say that in love, Aunt Betty.

Uncle left her in great financial shape. He was thoughtful, brilliant, meticulous and had a sly sense of humor. Requiescat in pace.

DH is the successor trustee slash executor for MIL's living trust, though in a curious turn of events people seem to be looking to me to make all the decisions. I had never realized before 1) how much DH leans on me and 2) that other people are well aware of it.

You know how when someone dies you get to the point where you think that at least for the moment, you have it all together? We were going through MIL's files when we found one marked NEED TO KNOW -- obviously put there for us to find.

I have to give a little background here: DH and I lived together for 12 years before we were married. The NTK file contained notes to whoever might find it and it was created during the time we cohabitated, so I wasn't even her DIL yet. MIL instructed that if DH predeceased me, one quarter of her estate was meant for me.

I lost it when I found that note. I never knew this, she never even gave a hint, but all along she was thinking of my welfare as if I were another one of her kids.

It turns out I really was.
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Old 09-08-2016, 10:39 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,156 posts, read 6,339,451 times
Reputation: 12722
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
My MIL died either Monday night or Tuesday morning, no one knows for sure, but I'm going to assume Monday because Tuesday was my birthday. I don't want a sad event linked with what is normally our first day of vacation.

Which is not to say we weren't grieving on Tuesday. The family pulled together and planned a restaurant dinner where she was very much in our thoughts. And I think it helped to sing Happy Birthday.

She had just turned 90, she was in a lot of pain and she wanted to go.

I proposed a toast to her on the spur of the moment, completely unprepared, but I think I said something like, "Here's to the one we're all thinking of and who we all adored. I know she would have a big smile on her face to see us all at the same table tonight." Had a hard time holding it together.

MIL, her sister (our aunt) and her sister's husband (our uncle) traveled extensively as a trio for about a decade. He passed away two weeks before MIL's death. Now our aunt is assisted by caregivers but for the first time in her life she's having to pay bills...and she doesn't like it one bit. Her DH had always handled all the finances.

But she's the kind of person who needs to be annoyed by something to be happy. And I say that in love, Aunt Betty.

Uncle left her in great financial shape. He was thoughtful, brilliant, meticulous and had a sly sense of humor. Requiescat in pace.

DH is the successor trustee slash executor for MIL's living trust, though in a curious turn of events people seem to be looking to me to make all the decisions. I had never realized before 1) how much DH leans on me and 2) that other people are well aware of it.

You know how when someone dies you get to the point where you think that at least for the moment, you have it all together? We were going through MIL's files when we found one marked NEED TO KNOW -- obviously put there for us to find.

I have to give a little background here: DH and I lived together for 12 years before we were married. The NTK file contained notes to whoever might find it and it was created during the time we cohabitated, so I wasn't even her DIL yet. MIL instructed
that if DH predeceased me, one quarter of her estate was meant for me.

I lost it when I found that note. I never knew this, she never even gave a hint, but all along she was thinking of my welfare as if I
were another one of her kids.

It turns out I really was.
What a wonderful tribute to a loved one who by all accounts must have been a wonderful woman. And what a treasure to find such tangible evidence of how much she cared for you.

May you feel her love and her spirit with you everyday.
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Old 09-08-2016, 06:24 PM
ERH
 
Location: Cary, NC
1,032 posts, read 1,492,690 times
Reputation: 1613
I'm so sorry for your loss, fluffy.
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Old 09-08-2016, 06:32 PM
 
5,529 posts, read 1,951,993 times
Reputation: 4010
Fluffy, I'm so sorry for the loss of this very special MIL> My FIL treated me as one of his children too. How wonderful that she thought so highly of you. *Hugs*
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